


World Ablaze

by turkeymagic



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Gen, Not A Fix-It, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Insert, Teaching, and things get worse before they get better, in which ise is too busy trying not to get everyone killed to fix anything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-10-13 20:43:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 62,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10521474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turkeymagic/pseuds/turkeymagic
Summary: This shouldn't have happened. I'd never been in a war, I didn't have the Sharingan - I couldn't even throw a shuriken without cutting myself. I was going to be the worst jounin sensei.(An SI finds himself in the Naruto world, but instead of regressing back to childhood, he is transplanted into the body of a jounin. Things go about as well as you might expect.)





	1. Ise Doesn't Sleep With Aoba

Someone was laying beside me when I woke up.

“Oh, no,” I muttered, forcing my eyes open. I was in someone else’s room, and more importantly, in someone else’s _bed_. I definitely didn’t remember going to a party or bar last night, nothing that might have led me to this point, but well. Evidence spoke louder than words. Fortunately, neither of us was naked. I was wearing some kind of black robe, which wasn’t my usual attire, but maybe we’d only made out. In a bed.

I stole a glance at the other guy’s face. If I’d had a drunken one-night stand with a guy, he’d better be hot.

Pros: he was actually good-looking, with spiky brown hair and a great body. Cons: he looked vaguely familiar. I really hoped I didn’t know him from somewhere. That’d make this so much more awkward.

“Go back to sleep, Ise,” he muttered.

The bed was rather comfortable, if unfamiliar. I might have considered it if I hadn’t caught sight of the katana hanging on the wall.

“ _Oh, no_ ,” I said more emphatically. He was one of _those_.

I shoved him off the bed.

With a yelp, he jumped to his feet and moments later screwed his eyes shut. “Ugh, it’s bright,” he said, scrabbling for a pair of red-framed sunglasses on his nightstand. He jammed them over his eyes and finally looked at me. His hair stood straight up like the worst case of bedhead I’d ever seen. Obsession with Japanese swords? Wearing sunglasses indoors? I did not envy drunk-me’s tastes.

The guy opened his mouth and then shut it with a noise of deliberation. There were a few things he looked like he wanted to say, but he settled on, “How are you feeling?”

“Fine?” I said. I didn’t feel sore in any _particular_ places anyway. My voice came out a bit higher than usual, but I think it was excusable under the circumstances. “My head feels a little weird.”

“Oh, well, that’s not the worst thing that could have happened,” he said, sounding relieved.

“...do people you sleep with usually wake up feeling terrible?” I asked.

We blanched at the same time. I hadn’t actually meant to say that out loud. The guy spluttered.

“ _What_? No! We didn’t have sex! Why would you even - and also, no, I receive _excellent_ reviews, thank you very much. I’m a great lay.”

It sounded a lot like _the lady doth protest too much_ to me, but I let it go. My head felt - it wasn’t pain, but it just felt so heavy. I reached up to massage it and froze when I touched long strands of hair.

Sure, I sometimes went a while without getting a haircut, but my hair had never reached my shoulders. Now it fell to my waist. It was pulled out of my way in a ponytail, but I still had no idea why I hadn’t noticed it.

Also, it was auburn. That was new.

The guy started talking again when I got out of bed but I ignored him in favor of walking over to the floor-length mirror.

I was hot. That was a weird thought, for many reasons but particularly because the “me” in the mirror wasn’t me. He was paler than I normally was, had blue eyes instead of brown, and a more defined jawline.

 _Still short_ , I thought bitterly as I looked back at the strange guy, who was a good five inches taller. “Who are you?” I asked.

He paused mid-sentence. “Er, it’s me. Aoba Yamashiro. You know? We’re friends? We’ve known each other since the Academy? We were genin teammates?”

A few things clicked into place, and by a few I mean I had one giant revelation.

“Oh, no,” I said for the third time that morning. “This is not real.”

“Shit,” said Aoba. “Fuck. This is worse than I thought.”

“I’m gonna go to back to bed now, and when I wake up, you’re going to be gone.”

“Tonbo’s gonna kill me!”

“ _I am not in a self-insert fanfiction_.”

I knew going to bed wouldn’t really help; it never did in fiction anyway. Besides, Aoba seemed to think the whole situation was his fault, which I was glad to jump on to.

“What the fuck did you do?” I yelled.

“It was an accident! Besides you agreed to it!”

It was like pulling teeth. “Agreed to _what_?”

“You were helping me with a mind transition jutsu,” Aoba explained. “Uh, something went wrong and I guess now you have amnesia.”

I wasn’t gonna lie: if my counterpart in this world had agreed to that, he deserved this. But _I_ hadn’t agreed to it! Why was it my problem?

“It’s not exactly amnesia…” I said before stopping. People in this position usually kept it a secret, at least in my hazy recollection of fanfiction. Ix-nay on the elling people-tay. On the other hand, if this guy had caused - whatever this was, he could probably fix it, right? “I’m...from another world called Earth. There are no ninjas there. And I’m a strict pacifist.”

“Shit, I fucked you up worse than I thought,” he said. “I’m so getting demoted for this.” I gave him the glare that deserved.

“I’m serious - Aoba, or whatever your name is.”

He gave me a wounded look. “O.K., O.K., I believe you.” That was clearly a lie, but I guess I couldn’t blame him. “Let me just… Maybe if I just negate the seal, it’ll reverse.”

Aoba reached out for my head and I immediately grabbed his wrist, threw him over my shoulder, and slammed him on the ground. The impact disturbed a pile of dust under the bed. I sneezed.

“Ow,” said Aoba.

“Holy shit,” I said after regaining control of my body again. “I’m so sorry - I didn’t - what the - wow, that was actually pretty badass.”

“Don’t sound so impressed with yourself when you’re apologizing,” he grumbled, sitting up and rubbing his back. “The seal’s on the back of your neck. I wasn’t trying to attack you but it probably triggered some reflex…”

“Ah. My bad.”

I lifted my ponytail (it was so long and impractical for a ninja) out of the way so Aoba could examine the seal. I couldn’t see it, but his finger tickled as he traced something on the back of my neck. His touch felt uncomfortably warm, but at least it didn’t hurt.

“Done!” Aoba announced after a minute. “Feel any different?”

I could still remember my social security number. “No,” I said.

“Hm. Well.” It looked like he didn’t have any other ideas. “I guess I’m not the best at seals anyway.”

 _Oh, duh_. “Aoba, you’re a genius.” I barely remembered this guy from Naruto, probably because he was just some background mook, but there were definitely others who were better than him at sealing!

“What? I mean, yes, you’re correct, but this is an atypical situation for you to realize that,” said Aoba.

“Wait, where are we in the timeline?” Belatedly, I remembered that was not the best way to phrase my question. “I mean, who’s the Hokage right now?”

“It’s the Sandaime…” Aoba said, pained. “You don’t even remember that?”

I ignored him; it’s not like I had any way to prove the whole I-came-from-a-different-world thing. Maybe if he’d been a more important character, I could’ve dramatically revealed his deeply hidden, traumatic secret, but I was pretty sure he was just a normal dude.

The Yondaime Hokage, on the other hand… Of course, I didn’t know if he was dead yet, and Aoba was looking more like a kicked-puppy the more I revealed I didn’t know. Luckily there was a large rock that could tell me the answer too.

“Maybe we should go to the hospital…” he mumbled.

“Come with me,” I said.

I walked out of the room but stopped just short of exiting the house, remembering what I was wearing. They weren’t bathrobes, I didn’t think. And like, people here wore this kind of thing outside, right?

“What’d you stop for?” Aoba piped up from behind me. I guess if he didn’t say anything, these clothes must’ve been normal.

After leaving the house, I found myself in what I can only describe as an enclosed neighborhood. I was surrounded by small one-story houses, budding trees, and an incredible arrangement of flowers. A few blond and auburn-haired civilians milled around. They all seemed to be wearing the same ponytail, which was alarming.

I looked up at the Hokage mountain, and four rocky faces looked back at me. The Yondaime must’ve been dead, and since the Sandaime was alive, that put me right around the start of the series. That seemed on par with my experiences with self-insert fanfiction. I wondered if there was a reason for that, if dropping SIs off at the beginning allowed them ample room to tamper with the plot.

Hastily, I put an end to that train of thought. That would mean accepting this was the work of some greater intelligence instead of the outcome of a certain someone’s colossal fuckup.

“Ise!” I whipped around to see a nearby auburn-haired woman approach us.

“Uh, yup, that’s me,” I said.

“Your aunt,” Aoba hissed from behind me.

“Ah, Auntie!” I said, much friendlier. I didn’t know her name, and I guess Aoba didn’t either because he fell silent.

The Ise in this universe must’ve been a moron because his aunt didn’t find that exchange peculiar.

“Good morning, Yamashiro-san. Ise, what are you still doing here at this hour?” she asked.

“Er…” I looked at Aoba, trying to convey _Was I supposed to do something today?_ with my eyes. He met my gaze blankly. “I slept in. Oops,” I said.

She shook her head. “You’re a jounin now,” she said. “You need to be more responsible. Take care of yourself.”

After she left, I asked Aoba, “Why is my aunt hanging around your house?”

“Dude, this is your house. This is the Yamanaka compound,” he said.

That explained the ponytail thing. “Er,” I said, since it also made my next question sound really bad. “How do we...get out of here…?”

Aoba raised his eyebrow and then leapt on to the roof.

“Like, using the ground!” I clarified. “That isn’t normal where I come from!”

With a long-suffering sigh, Aoba returned to my side. As he led us out of the compound, I reflected on the house that was apparently mine. That meant the katana was mine. Since this was the _Naruto_ -verse,  I could accept that it was less of a weeb thing and more of a...killing people thing. The other Ise could have afforded to dust his room more, but I guess I never had either.

“Then what were you doing in my bed?” I asked.

“What do you mean? I was sleeping.”

“I meant why.”

“Oh, well, after you collapsed I brought you back to your house…I was waiting for you to wake up for like, uh, damage control. That took a while and the floor isn’t really comfortable, so I just hopped in,” Aoba said. He accurately read my expression. “It’s not suspicious! We’ve seen each other naked a bunch! We were teammates.”

I let it go. We’d probably killed lots of people together, so sleeping in the same bed must’ve been an afterthought. “Who’s our third?”

“Tonbo,” said Aoba. “We’re, uh, avoiding him. Because he’ll murder me for this.”

I didn’t recall a Tonbo (it sounded like a pig), but I was distracted by the compound exit.

“So what’s the plan?” Aoba asked. I felt better leaving the compound. Less of a chance I’d run into someone the other me knew.

“If the thing you did with the seal didn’t work, there probably isn’t anything we can do until we find someone who knows more,” I said.

“Hm.” He looked thoughtful but didn’t offer any suggestions.

“First order of business now is I’m hungry. Bring me somewhere to eat.”

...

After coercing Aoba into paying, I interrogated him until nightfall. Apparently, the other Ise was a taijutsu-specialist and had been promoted to jounin over a year ago. I’d asked him why I wasn’t on an Ino-Shika-Cho team (see? I did remember a few things!) but Aoba said that was more of a main family thing because there weren’t usually corresponding Naras and Akimichis for the branch families.

“Also, you suck at your clan jutsu,” he’d said. “I was practicing on you instead of Tonbo because your mental blocks are terrible, but I guess you’re so bad you messed up the jutsu too.”

It actually worked out well for me, since I figured physical combat would be easier to figure out than using chakra for ninjutsu or genjutsu - however those worked. Didn’t stop me from hitting Aoba.

I didn’t have any other immediate family, and Aoba assured me I was single (not without some healthy teasing though). My parents had died in the Kyuubi attack. His voice had softened telling me that, but I only felt relief. Fewer people that I was supposed to know.

He showed me around the village: the Hokage Tower, the general hospital, the library, some ninja specialty stores, and some of the training grounds. I committed it to memory but I didn’t see myself actually using a lot of the resources. I’d have to figure out what to do with my ninja duties now that I had no idea how to carry them out.

We split up after I reassured him that I did remember the way back to the compound. Instead of going home though, I made my way to one of the training grounds. It took a little over an hour, but I managed to find my way into an empty one.

That morning, Aoba had jumped onto a roof with ease. Obviously the other Ise must’ve had this ability too. I stared up at a tree branch about ten feet above me.

I didn’t even know what chakra felt like, much less what it felt like to correctly use it to perform superhuman leaps, but I concentrated on my feet anyway. It was just energy, right? I tried to recapture the warmth I’d felt when Aoba had attempted to negate the seal on the back of my neck, redirecting that warmth to my feet.

It could have been some kind of placebo effect, but I thought I could do it. I could do it. I was going to jump onto that tree branch.

I jumped, wildly misjudging the distance, and slammed into a different branch fifteen feet higher.

“Fuck!” I yelped, somehow grabbing hold of it. I didn’t know if I could survive the fall. My vision wavered in and out for few minutes before I mustered enough energy to climb my way back down.

Clearly, I could have thought that one through better.

I really didn’t want to try again, but it would be an incredibly useful skill. Moreover, Aoba wouldn’t be able to hold this one over my head. Ah, spite. The best motivator.

Gathering the warmth - chakra - to my feet again, I leapt faster than before. Unfortunately, I didn’t jump high enough, and I had to grab onto the branch and pull myself up. Not graceful by any means, but better.

This time, I tried jumping back to the ground, using the chakra to soften the impact. I had to hop to catch my balance, but I didn’t break any bones.

Buoyed by that success, I almost jumped back into the tree when someone grabbed onto my shoulder. Instead my body went through the motions of a throw again, except this time it was countered. It happened so fast I didn’t even remember what happened before I hit the ground, blinking dazedly at the starry sky and an equally starry grin.

I recognized it. “Maito Gai,” I said.

“Yes!” Gai said, pulling me back to my feet. I staggered before my muscles locked. “I was wondering who else was training this late! I approve, Ise.”

I hadn’t even noticed him arrive, which was frankly embarrassing considering how loud he was. Then again, he was a jounin too - or rather, a real one. Was I supposed to know him? He’d called me by my first name instead of my last, but I didn’t remember his speech mannerisms.

“You know me,” I said, “always up for some...good ol’ training.”

That won me a blinding thumbs up. So far, everything seemed normal. He probably hadn’t seen me almost brain myself on a tree, right?

“What were you doing?” Gai asked. “An exciting new technique? I’d never seen anything like it!”

Or not. “Uh, something like that. It’s in the really early stages though, so I’m just messing around trying to figure stuff out,” I said.

“I understand,” Gai said, puffing out his chest. Granted, he really didn’t need more help highlighting his physique on top of the green jumpsuit. “How admirable of you, Ise! If there’s anything I can do to help, just tell me!”

I considered it. There was nothing in the series that suggested Gai knew anything about seals or dimension crossing, but at the very least he could help me relearn how to fight. Aoba said I was a taijutsu specialist, but Gai was the taijutsu master.

He was still Gai though, and I couldn’t imagine any universe where he’d be able to keep my secret if pressed.

“Thanks, Gai,” I said, surprised I meant it. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Another thumbs-up. His jumpsuit had definitely been played for laughs in the series, but it suited him. Green was definitely his color. “Wonderful! My team will be leaving tomorrow morning for a mission, but we should be back in a week’s time! Farewell, Ise!”

“Good luck,” I said before realizing what he’d said. “Wait, Gai! Um, your team… It’s Neji, Tenten, and Rock Lee?”

“Yes! My beloved students!” He beamed. “They are progressing admirably! This year I will enter them in the Chuunin Exams.”

“Ah, impressive. I was just checking.” I waved him off once more.

I was pretty sure his team was older than Naruto, but they’d missed the Chuunin Exams their first year. Naruto was a genin now. I was right at the start of the series.

“That’s just a coincidence,” I muttered, shaking out my shoulders. Weirdly, even after being thrown to the ground by Gai, I was only a little sore. Ninja stamina was terrifying, but it did explain a lot about the manga.

Still, it was encouraging to know I wasn’t starting from scratch. I wasn’t a civilian; this body belonged to an honest-to-god ninja and just happened to be occupied by a civilian’s mind. Well. It felt better than it sounded.

I practiced my jumps until I could land perfectly on the branch I was aiming for, and then I went home.

...

After my long night of training, I wanted to sleep in until noon, but as soon as the sun began to peek over the horizon, I was wide awake. No matter how long I closed my eyes, I couldn’t go back to sleep, which was infuriating. I’d slept in later the day before! Worse, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was missing something. It wasn’t something I was forgetting, exactly, but like…a deep unease that there was something out there waiting for me to notice it.

I caved and checked my closet three times, but I only found more robes and jounin uniforms.

Forcing my frustration aside, I got dressed. After a day in robes, I had to admire how much more comfortable they were than the jounin uniform. I didn’t have to wear pants!

Today I needed to go to the library. I couldn’t try any ninjutsu or genjutsu (which I wanted to at least test, no matter what Aoba said about my capabilities) without knowing the hand seals, and I had no idea what those were.

As soon as I stepped out of my room, though, I was tackled to the hardwood floor by a familiar orange pipsqueak.

“Argh! Where were you!?” Naruto shouted.

“Holy fu - “ I cut myself off when I heard a startled gasp. Sakura peered down at us with wide sea-green eyes. She looked scandalized, but whether it was because of my current predicament or my almost-curse, I didn’t know.

“You didn’t show up yesterday! We were waiting for hours! The whole day!” Naruto yelled.

“Sorry?” I tried. I couldn’t really protest. For all I knew, the other Ise probably did make plans with them. Though that definitely hadn’t been in the manga. “Remind me what we were supposed to do again?”

I never claimed to be the smoothest talker in the world.

“Ise-sensei!” Sakura exclaimed. Oh no. Ohhh no. “We passed your test, so you’re supposed to train us!”

“Fuck,” I said into the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ise is...not exactly me but a large portion of his personality and weaknesses are (let's just say that when he remarks on gai's inability to keep a secret, he's being a giant hypocrite)
> 
> apologies for inaccuracies. i haven't read naruto in a while and i'm relying heavily on the wiki. additionally i tried to keep all the japanese to a minimum - basically things i thought didn't have a direct translation. honorifics will be inconsistent at best


	2. Ise Lies to Three Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ise tricks some children, supports his local library, and begins his pre-Academy training.

It wasn’t my best moment. After wrestling with Naruto on the floor, I dropped him and Sakura into chairs at the kitchen table. Sasuke hadn’t said anything from his spot against the wall, levelling a dark glare at anyone who came close, but I maneuvered him over as well.

“Sit,” I said. “Have you eaten?”

They gave various affirmatives, by which I mean Naruto and Sakura responded and Sasuke made a more neutral “hm” noise but wasn’t eyeing the refrigerator so I took it as a yes. I hadn’t eaten yet but this was just as well; I hadn’t had a chance to rummage through the kitchen and therefore had no idea if there was anything edible at all.

In the fridge, I found six sticks of butter, two cloves of garlic, and one head of cabbage. Rummaging through the cabinets turned up half of a six-pack of instant ramen, a twenty-pound sack of rice, another two cloves of garlic, and two weeks’ worth of instant miso soup.

I could feel judgment from behind me, and I resolutely ignored their gazes. Putting the kettle on, I asked, “All you did yesterday was wait?”

“Yeah!” said Naruto. Somehow, he’d managed to stay in his chair, but he was fidgeting with all his pent-up energy. “We waited for hours, and you never showed up!”

“You haven’t been late before, so we thought something might have happened to you,” Sakura said, twirling her long hair in her fingers. She tried really hard not to look at anything specific in my barren kitchen. “But - “

“But you’re right here and you’re fine!” Naruto interrupted.

I looked at Sasuke. “And you? Do you have anything to add, Sasuke?”

He narrowed his eyes when I singled him out, prompting Sakura and Naruto to turn their attentions to him as well. “Don’t waste my time,” he said.

Usually I considered myself good with kids, but I’d be the first to admit my experience with murder-children was limited. As it was, I counted the fact that I’d gotten a verbal response out of him as a victory.

“Are you guys ninja or aren’t you?” I asked. All three of them frowned. “Why didn’t you start training on your own when I didn’t show up?”

“S-sensei,” Sakura started.

“It’s your job!” Naruto said for her.

“You said I was wasting your time, but it sounds like you wasted yours. Your training isn’t entirely my responsibility,” I said. “If you’re expecting a jounin to show up and magically transform you into real ninja, you should choose a different career path. To get stronger, you need to take initiative of your own training. That’s when I can help you.”

I resisted the urge to smile. That speech would’ve been badass in a book or manga, though it was much less so since I was only covering my ass. These kids probably knew more than me.

Maybe I could just own up to it… But no, I couldn’t foist them onto a different jounin without explaining what was wrong. I could lie - Aoba thought I had amnesia - but that probably wouldn’t last very long if they brought those mind-reader shinobi in.

Then I remembered my clan was full of mind-reader shinobi. Ugh. I’d have to be more careful.

“But Sensei…” Sakura furrowed her brows. “Do you mean that we should keep practicing what we know? Or that we should find new techniques by ourselves?”

Ah, well, there probably wasn’t a good excuse for a jounin sensei to make their students teach themselves new things, and while Sakura could probably do that, I didn’t know if Sasuke could learn that way. Naruto definitely couldn’t.

“No, I meant…” I wondered what kind of test other Ise might have given them. Kakashi’s bell test was for teamwork, and I wanted to assume that was the standard test across all teams. It reflected Konoha’s morals, after all. “We put genin in teams of three for a reason. It’s not just for you guys to learn together, but for you guys to learn from each other too.

“Sakura, your chakra control and theory. Sasuke, your technique and experience. Naruto…” Well, Naruto had been a shitty student, hadn’t he? His biggest strengths mostly came down to genetics and the Kyuubi. “Your determination and spirit. You all could benefit from paying attention to each other.”

I smiled at them, extremely pleased with myself. And they always said I wouldn’t learn anything useful going for a liberal arts degree. Ah, the finely-honed craft of bullshitting - the most useful of them all.

Sakura still looked a little doubtful, but she eyed Naruto, considering him for the first time. Naruto looked past her entirely to glare at Sasuke, his jaw defiantly set. Sasuke had his eyes on me, dark and unreadable.

They still needed a finishing blow then.

I turned back to the whistling kettle to fix myself a bowl of instant miso soup. “But what’s my advice worth?” I said cheerfully. “I’m just an experienced, accomplished jounin.”

…

Long story short, I sent them on their way to Training Ground 3, wishing I had some kind of summon to supervise them. Meanwhile, I skedaddled over to the library as fast as I could, which granted would have been a lot faster if I’d taken to the rooftops. I stayed on the ground, though. I didn’t know how different roofs were from tree branches and I wasn’t eager to find out in broad daylight.

Besides, I wasn’t in the most cohesive state of mind. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” I muttered.

One, who the fuck had let me become a jounin sensei? If the state of my kitchen was anything to go by, I couldn’t even take care of feeding myself! And why Team 7? I didn’t have the Sharingan! And I couldn’t control the Kyuubi or teach Sasuke about his eyes or - anything, really. Kakashi was clearly the better choice.

“Shit,” I said again, stopping in my tracks outside the library. My presence here had disturbed the _Naruto_ plotline, but what if I’d completely displaced Kakashi?

Well, I didn’t think I’d taken his place. Gai didn’t mention a word about a rivalry. But what if, somehow, Kakashi had died in this timeline?

Was _I_ supposed to deal with that thing with Rin and Obito? Whatever clan techniques the Yamanaka had couldn’t hold a candle to the Sharingan.

_Stop that_ , I told myself. _You already know your teammates were Aoba and that Tonbo guy._ None of my speculation was helping. Regardless of what had happened to Kakashi (which hopefully wasn’t death), I was the sensei for Team 7. Somehow. I needed to figure out something to teach the kids before they realized that what I’d told them was a bunch of pretty words and little else.

Heading into the library, I would’ve run bodily into Genma if he hadn’t dodged at the last second, his eyes wide with surprise. Good thing too, or I might’ve run into the senbon between his lips too.

“...in a hurry, Ise-san?” he said, still wary.

“Y-yeah,” I said. “I gotta figure out how to teach real quick.”

Genma relaxed - at least from what I could tell from his posture. He had his hands in his pockets and fidgeted with the senbon in his mouth, but as a ninja he could probably switch to deadly in a matter of seconds, if that. “Ah, don’t let those kids bleed you dry. It’s your first batch?”

Aoba had said I’d only been promoted last year, so I felt confident nodding. “You know kids,” I said. “They think they’re gonna learn all the cool, flashy jutsu right away.”

He gave me a knowing smile, which struck me as odd. Did Genma have experience teaching? My instinct said no, but then, the only reason I remembered him from the series was that he was pretty. Maybe he had siblings?

“Consider it some rightful karma,” Genma said, eyes twinkling. “You and Aoba drove Shikaku-san up a wall.”

Damn it, other Ise - making my life worse from beyond the...wherever he went. Absently I wondered if our minds had switched and he was in my real body instead of something like my mind overwriting his consciousness. I couldn’t decide which one would be worse: him running rampant on Earth doing ninja stuff or him not existing at all anymore.

“That’s different,” I said, turning my nose up in mock-condescension.

“Of course, of course,” Genma agreed cheerfully. “Good luck, Ise-san.”

I waved him off. Maybe he always seemed so easy-going, but I couldn’t sense any suspicion from him at all. Actually, no one else had suspected anything either, and Aoba only freaked out at the amnesia thing. It would help a lot if other Ise and I had the same personality, but it also sounded a little...too easy.

Well, I guess I could use a little easy in my life since the rest of it was going to shit. Still, someone raised as a child to kill people having the same personality as me? Unnerving.

“Where are the books on hand seals?” I asked the circulation desk, consciously adopting a casual, confident stance. I had an excuse _I’m teaching some kids_ on the tip of my tongue but I forced my mouth shut. The librarian was just a civilian, and I didn’t need to explain myself to her. Explaining would be more suspicious.

She directed me to a shelf in a corner, her eyes only lingering on my robes for a second before she looked past me to the next visitor. I sighed as I walked away. Career-ninja or not, talking to authority figures was terrifying.

There was actually a good selection of books on hand seals, though a lot of them were more advanced and theoretical. The section was also empty; I guessed that the kids who wanted to learn to control chakra usually went to the Academy to learn hand seals or were taught by their parents. That suited me fine.

I sat down, slowly forming each hand seal myself. Honestly it didn’t feel as unnatural as I thought it would, though that said more about my body’s muscle memory than it did the ease of the seals. Occasionally, I had to cross-reference other books when I couldn’t make out what the pose was supposed to be from one book’s description and image. Some signs were easy, like monkey and snake, but bird and ox proved a lot less intuitive. Not only did I have memorize these, I had to fluidly change from seal to seal? Ninja needed to have their seals ready in seconds, but it took me at least a minute and a lot of squinting to get the bird seal.

“At least I know why everyone’s not a ninja now,” I muttered, tucking two of the books under my arm as I stood up.

Since I was already at the library, I might as well check out some other things too. First on my agenda, I wanted to see if there were any records about Konoha ninja, specifically my own profile. Maybe I could see if Kakashi was around too.

Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like they stored those files in the public library, which was probably for the better. Instead I picked up some basic ninjutsu and taijutsu texts.

I kept my face blank as I checked them out, willing myself to look as inconspicuous as possible, and left at a casual pace. I’d taken more books than I was comfortable carrying around, so I had to stop by the compound to drop them off. After that, I figured I’d pick up lunch for the kids and drop by Training Ground 3 to make sure they were still getting along. In the loosest sense of the phrase.

Other Ise kept his wallet on his desk, so I took that. There was a hefty amount inside, but I still felt the need for frugality. I didn’t really know what he had to do to get paid - missions, probably, which I couldn’t do. Did his clan give him a stipend? Did he have to pay some kind of...tribute to keep living in the compound? ...were there ninja taxes?

(If other Ise was in my real body, I hoped he was having a delightful time figuring out the subway system and internet culture.)

I hid the books in my closet just to be safe. Didn’t want any nosy shinobi stumbling across them while breaking in - since after this morning I was coming to terms with the fact that I should expect that kind of behavior. As a quiet apology, I picked up some ramen to-go from Ichiraku and made my way to the training grounds.

Sakura was explaining something to Naruto, their heads bowed together but from his expression it was obvious he wasn’t getting it yet. Both of them looked up at me when I approached.

“Where’s Sasuke?” I asked, unnerved. The feeling from that morning returned in full-force, a subtle but intensely acute pressure I just couldn’t put my finger on. It was kind of reminiscent of my college days and weathering the stress of exams. Like I was pushing my limits on procrastinating multiple consecutive deadlines.

“He was right over…” Naruto trailed off when he didn’t see Sasuke. Sakura frowned too, looking past me.

That was all the warning I got before the air shifted beside me. I didn’t make the conscious decision to move, but I still dropped into a crouch, deflecting a powerful kick with my forearm. In a fluid sweep, I knocked Sasuke’s legs out from under him and only barely stopped myself from continuing.

My arm hurt like a _bitch_. That was annoying; the jounin from the manga could have taken a hit from a genin and brushed it off like nothing.

“Tch,” Sasuke scoffed as he picked himself off the ground.

“Testing me?” I asked.

He didn’t answer because Naruto broke out into a dramatic, “Noooooo!”

We turned to find Naruto on his knees, prostrate over the crumpled bag of Ichiraku that I was no longer holding. There was an obvious conclusion to be drawn, but I still checked my hands. They were empty.

“Ah, oops,” I said. “Must’ve dropped that in the heat of the moment. Sorry, Naruto.”

Sakura stepped over her teammate, carefully avoiding his hands, which I thought was an improvement from her behavior in the series. “It only spilled a little bit,” she announced. “We can still eat the rest.”

Naruto shot up. “We can eat it, right, Sensei? You brought this for us?”

“Yeah, it’s for you guys,” I said, rubbing my arm. I could already feel the bruise. “Consider it an apology from me for yesterday.”

“Yahoo! Sakura-chan, give me the one with the most! I’m starving!” Naruto cheered.

Sakura rolled her eyes but handed him a container of ramen and a pair of chopsticks. “Sasuke-kun, are you hungry?” she said, smiling brightly. “There’s more than enough left.”

“Why don’t we all sit down and you can tell me what you’ve been doing all morning?” I suggested before Sasuke could retreat. His lips twitched like he knew what I was thinking, but he settled on the ground next to his teammates.

_Interesting_. He’d responded to my authority, but it wasn’t in his personality to just back down like that. Ah. He thought I still had something to teach him. Other Ise’s reflexes had probably let me dodge a bullet passing that test earlier. I couldn’t rely on that though; it hadn’t kicked in when Naruto tackled me in my house and I didn’t think it would work if I was consciously fighting someone.

“Naruto doesn’t know some of the Academy kata so I went over them with him,” Sakura was saying.

“How did you pass again?” I asked. I did recall the thing with Mizuki, but I figured I was expected to ask something like this.

“Hehehe... ‘cuz I’m gonna be Hokage!” Naruto exclaimed through a mouthful of half-chewed ramen. One day he was going to choke. “They can’t fail an awesome ninja like me!”

“You did fail,” Sakura pointed out.

"Dead lasts don’t get to be Hokage,” added Sasuke.

“Just you watch,” Naruto said into the ramen container. “Finished!”

Ignoring him, I asked Sasuke, “If Sakura and Naruto were working together, what were you doing?”

“Training on my own,” he said.

I guess one speech wasn’t enough to completely reverse his anti-social schtick. At least he’d stuck around.

“I see,” I said. “Well, then, hurry up and finish eating. Since some of us don’t play nice with others, we’re gonna spend the afternoon sparring.”

“With you?” Naruto asked.

“With each other. I already said I wasn’t going to teach you something new until all of you are on the same page.” That, and I still need to learn something I could teach them.

Naruto heaved a great sigh. “We sparred all the time at the Academy,” he complained. “I wanna do something different.”

“Then you better start paying attention to Sakura and Sasuke,” I said cheerfully.

Sakura had also finished eating and was packing up her container and chopsticks neatly in the Ichiraku bag. She looked dubious. “Sensei, is there really something Sasuke and I can learn from Naruto?”

“Hey!”

“That’s a good point,” I said. “As far as technique goes, you and Sasuke are far ahead of him, but there’s more to being a ninja than reading about jutsu in scrolls. Good ninja need to look underneath the underneath. Naruto has a lot of future potential, and he’s not just another student. He’s a Konoha shinobi, and furthermore, your ally. Helping him get stronger _is_ making yourself stronger. Recognize the bigger picture.”

Of course, knowing the future helped a lot with that.

At least Sakura looked convinced, nodding to herself. I recalled her being a lot more annoying about Sasuke, though that might have been fanfic talking. As it was she still gave him a good amount of sappy smiles, but he didn’t consume all of her attention. Opening her worldview could’ve helped, but I also might’ve not paid her much attention in the past.

We cleared away the rest of the trash and moved to the center of the clearing. The training ground had a good design, with sections of dense forest and even a river, not that I had any water jutsu to use.

There was that scene in _Naruto_ where Kakashi and Yamato gave him a slip of paper to figure out what kind of chakra he had. I wondered if I had any of those laying around and why kids weren’t taught their chakra type immediately.

“All right, kids,” I said, clapping my hands together. “Let’s see Sakura and Sasuke first.”

“W-wait,” Sakura said, “I don’t think I can - “

“Sure, you can!” I gave her my sunniest smile. “You two were the top students in the Academy.”

“C’mon, Sakura, kick his ass!” Naruto said.

After a pause, Sakura squared her shoulders and nodded. She took up a defensive stance across from Sasuke. While I didn’t know the form, I trusted her to have it textbook-perfect.

“Begin.”

Unsurprisingly Sasuke moved first, going in for a feint before darting around Sakura. She moved too slowly - or rather, her body stalled while it waited for her mind to calculate the correct counter. By the time she’d brought up her arm to block, he had produced a kunai and was holding it to her throat.

“Good!” I called, gesturing for Sasuke to let her go. “That was very good, Sakura, Sasuke. Let’s try that one again.”

“Sensei, what about me?” Naruto whined. “What about my turn?”

“One more time, O.K.? Sakura, are you ready?” I said.

She nodded, trembling, and sank back into position.

The second round ended even faster. Now wary of a feint, Sakura hesitated from the start and didn’t react in time to block Sasuke’s first hit. Sasuke had probably expecting that, because he didn’t go for a feint and brought Sakura to the ground in one move.

“Is that enough?” he asked, standing again. “It doesn’t matter how many times we repeat this. I’m going to win.”

“Don’t get so cocky, bastard!” said Naruto. “Let me fight him, Sensei!”

Tears sprung up in Sakura’s eyes, but whether it was because of Sasuke’s words or her loss, I couldn’t tell. “Ah, well, that might be for the best,” I relented. “O.K., Sasuke and Naruto. Sakura, come here.”

As soon as Sakura made it off the field, Naruto sprang into action, charging forward with five Shadow Clones. The outcome of the match wasn’t really important, as long as they entertained each other, so I turned my attention on Sakura. She was looking ahead with glassy eyes but not really seeing the match, her arms wrapped around her knees protectively.

My heart went out to her. I’d always liked her character, especially the woman she grew into, though if my recollection of the manga was right, she wouldn’t start picking herself up again until Sasuke left. I could wait that long, but it probably wouldn’t happen the same way since I didn’t have the skills necessary to teach Team 7 how to pass the Chuunin Exams.

Besides, I couldn’t sit beside a crying girl and do nothing. She was going to grow up into a fearsome warrior, but right now she was just a kid.

“Sakura,” I started, “do you know what you did wrong in that last match?”

“I...was too focused on the first match,” she said, voice thick with shame. Naruto had already outlasted her against Sasuke. “I couldn’t react in time…”

“Do you think Naruto or Sasuke is gonna win this match?”

“E-eh? Sasuke-kun...of course.”

“Why do you think that?”

She bit her lip. “Sasuke-kun was the best in the class. He’s too strong for Naruto.”

I nodded. That was a fair point. “Then, between you and Naruto, who would win?”

Sakura was silent, which was as good as an answer in itself.

“There’s one drawback to always being the best,” I said. “If none of your peers can challenge you, you never see your limits. Your chakra control and theory are the best in your year, Sakura, but this is your true strength. You’re a remarkably self-aware young kunoichi. Knowing your weaknesses isn’t bad. It means you know exactly what you need to improve.”

Naruto shouted as Sasuke extinguished his clones with his Fireball jutsu. There was a lot of flailing on Naruto’s part, but he managed to block Sasuke’s next strike even if it sent him flying a few feet backwards.

“Sasuke already sees Naruto as a rival,” I observed. “Let me rephrase the question, Sakura: if you could only choose one, would you rather be Sasuke’s equal or his girlfriend?”

She didn’t answer immediately, but that just meant she was really thinking it over. By the time Sasuke knocked Naruto down for the final time, she’d made her decision.

I smiled.

…

Aoba knocked on my door that night and let himself before I could open it. As soon as I saw his stupid sunglasses, I chucked the closest thing in reach at him, which happened to be the book I was reading.

“Woah!” he yelped, narrowly dodging it. It hit the doorframe spine-first and fell to the ground. I wasn’t quite up to throwing pointy shuriken and kunai, but my aim was way better in this body.

“Pick that up,” I said. “It’s from the library.”

Grumbling, Aoba tossed the book back at me. I frowned, realizing I’d lost my place. “What was that for?”

“You didn’t tell me I was a freaking jounin sensei,” I said. “The kids ambushed me this morning.”

“Oh, I forgot,” Aoba said, scratching his head. “Heh, that’s hilarious. To be fair, it’s hard to think of you as a teacher.”

My fingers twitched but I held onto the book this time. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You were a nightmare to teach. You didn’t want to learn anything Shikaku-sensei wanted to teach you ‘cuz you were only interested in taijutsu,” Aoba said, scratching his head. Genma had said something of that nature too. “I take it this means you still don’t remember anything.”

I shook my head. “I told you it isn’t amnesia. I don’t know anything about ninjutsu or taijutsu or - that’s why I’m studying.”

Aoba skimmed the page I was on and winced. “This is…”

“I need to find something to teach the kids. So far I’ve been able to distract them with pretty speeches but it’s not gonna do anything to keep them alive,” I said.

He sat cross-legged on the floor in front of me. “Shit, O.K. Run through the hand seals, and I’ll check if they’re right.”

Those had been the first thing I’d studied, so I had them more or less down. My hands didn’t move as fluidly as I’d like them to, but Aoba only made minor adjustments to the more difficult seals. His hands were larger than mine, but he had callouses all over just like me. Or other Ise. It was getting harder to think of this body as separate from mine.

“That’s good,” he said. It sounded familiar.

I smirked. “Should I call you Aoba-sensei now?”

“You say that like a joke but I think that’s a great idea.” Aoba adjusted the position of my right hand in the Hare seal. “There, just like that.”

“I know these are supposed to channel chakra or something, but I don’t feel anything different,” I said.

“Right,” said Aoba. “Hand seals don’t create the jutsu. You draw the chakra first, and the hand seals help channel it into the right amount. You… Do I have to teach you how to channel chakra too?”

I thought back to my tree jumping. I was pretty sure I’d used chakra for that. “No, I think I can do that myself,” I said. “I practiced a little last night. Gai saw me.”

Aoba drew back, a shit-eating grin overtaking his face. “Is that so? And how did that go?”

Wary, I said, “Fine… What is it?”

“You’ve always had the biggest fucking crush on Gai.”

I stared at him blankly. “You’re joking.”

“O.K., I’m joking, but you did like him a lot. We all suspected at some point or another,” Aoba said.

I did like him - as a character. His whole schtick about effort surpassing talent, overcoming his shortcomings in ninjutsu and genjutsu by mastering taijutsu, was incredibly poignant in a manga about children who’d surpassed their teachers before turning twenty. He had an absurd personality and a vibrant optimism in the face of a world-shattering war, but he was equals with Kakashi and the ninja he fought all treated him with respect.

It wasn’t hard for me to imagine why other Ise might have liked him too. “That’s because I was a taijutsu specialist and he’s a taijutsu master,” I said.

“Yeah, yeah, so you’ve said,” Aoba grumbled. He looked rather put out that I hadn’t risen to the bait.

“Oh, I ran into Genma today. It was unsettling he knew more about me than I did.” As more of an afterthought, I added, “I didn’t know if we were close enough to joke around.”

“He liked you because you were nice to Gai,” Aoba said. “Me, on the other hand…I made Ebisu cry _one time_ when we were genin, and he still hasn’t forgiven me for that.”

The only thing I remembered about Ebisu was his weakness to Naruto’s harem jutsu. I schooled my expression. “Genma doesn’t strike me as the type to hold a grudge,” I said. “Are you sure it isn’t because you keep pissing him off in new ways?”

“What? That is disgusting slander,” Aoba said. “And here I am going out of my way to help you - “

“You’re so right, Aoba-sensei, please forgive me for my words,” I said, making sure to keep my expression devoid of all gratitude. He still grinned.

“Better.” He reached for the yellow notepad I’d been using to jot down notes. “Here, I’m gonna jot down a few exercises for you. The good news is you aren’t exactly starting from scratch. Your chakra reserves are still jounin-level, and your pathways are developed so learning how to call up chakra shouldn’t take long. The biggest thing is that you don’t remember any jutsu, so you’re going to have to study those signs and practice channeling the right amounts of chakra.”

I watched him jot down a list of jutsu, most of which I was familiar with from the manga. Shadow Clone. Body Replacement. Body Flicker. Transformation. Summoning.

“I can summon?” I asked.

Aoba treated me to a wry grin. “Yeah. Don’t practice that one indoors.”

He continued writing, adding in the hand seals for each jutsu. There were a few Fire Release jutsu and the odd Earth Release. That reminded me about the papers. “Aoba, I want to test my team’s chakra natures. Is there somewhere I can buy it? Like a ninja store, or something.”

Snickering, Aoba said, “Yeah, there are _ninja stores_ , but you already bought some awhile back - when you were first preparing to take on a team.”

“That early?” I didn’t think Kakashi had Naruto test his chakra until after the Chuunin Exams.

“I said it was weird to think of you as a teacher, not that you make a bad one,” Aoba said. “You were determined to do right by them.”

Fighting a blush, I tried to dodge the compliment. It was easy trading jabs with Aoba, but hearing something like that said so straightforwardly was embarrassing. “...can’t be that good now that I know less than my students,” I mumbled.

“Hey,” Aoba said, snapping his fingers in front of my face. “Stop that. Don’t give up before you give it your all. If you’re not good enough now, you’re going to become good enough. Right?”

It was an eerie echo of my earlier lecture. I couldn’t let myself get shown up by a twelve-year old. “Right,” I said. “You’re completely right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the support so far! comments are much appreciated


	3. Ise Can't Identify Basic Animal Likenesses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ise throws his team one (1) bone, gets ambushed again, and utterly fails at keeping his mouth shut.

It didn’t get better quickly. Aoba came over the nights he didn’t have missions to help me with the Academy-level jutsu. By week’s end, I could more or less do those and the Body Flicker on command, though I had more difficulty integrating them into actual combat.

I studied the taijutsu forms in the library books I checked out, committing the kata to memory in hopes of recognizing the stances and motions in the Academy-level kata. This came more naturally to me; even if I didn’t remember the forms, my body took to them with practiced fluidity. I performed them over and over when I woke and before I went to bed. And while it was all theory, the repetitive movements put my mind to ease.

Sakura, meanwhile, hadn’t caught up to Sasuke and Naruto yet, in terms of sheer combat, but she got up quicker than ever when they knocked her down and complained less at the end of the day. I studied her kata too, finally able to appreciate her perfect form.

On the third day, I’d run into Kurenai’s team hunting down a rogue cat on a D-rank, and it reminded me that missions existed. The manga had skimmed over all the genin muscle work to get to Wave arc, but the D-ranks gave me more time.

I finally inspected my house, turning up the chakra induction papers I’d been looking for alongside some other key items. Other Ise had been an avid taijutsu fan, and he’d amassed a large collection of advanced taijutsu scrolls. At my current level, they were all but incomprehensible, and I set them aside for later. I’d uncovered some hidden stashes of money to offset the costs of treating the kids to dinner every few days and, more pressingly, buy groceries.

Lastly, I’d found a copy of Konoha’s bingo book. It was less useful than I’d expected, since the Konoha bounties obviously excluded Konoha ninjas, but I tucked it into pocket for future reference. I’d taken to wearing the jounin uniform, which was really more practical and presentable than the robes (to my eternal regret).

Even when I was only assigning them their daily D-ranks and nudging them in friendly directions, I always insisted we met up in the mornings. Sakura cried out when she saw me. “Ise-sensei! Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” I said, hyperaware of the bandages around my head. I’d attempted the Body Flicker while sparring with Aoba and had promptly smashed into the wall of my house. “Just a training accident. My friend got a little carried away.”

Naruto scratched the back of his head. “You still train too?”

“Yes, Naruto, I train,” I said wryly. “Gotta keep up with my cute little students after all.”

I hadn’t intended to use that particular phrase, but the face Naruto made was worth it. I think I’d lifted it from Kakashi. Amidst all my training, I hadn’t had time to look him up, so I didn’t know whether he...existed in this universe. I hadn’t seen him around anywhere, but I hoped that was more a testament to his skill as a ninja than his actual presence. There was no way I could replace him entirely.

“Does the Hokage still need to train?” Naruto asked.

I had no idea. The manga hadn’t shown it - that I could remember, anyway - but I doubted doing paperwork all day kept anyone in shape. “Everyone trains, Naruto,” I said. “Even if you’re the strongest, if you don’t keep working to improve, someone else will surpass you.”

“That makes sense,” Naruto said with an unsubtle glance at Sasuke.

“You guys have done really well this past week,” I said with a smile, “so today we’re going to learn something new.”

The effect was instantaneous. Naruto’s excited expression lit up his face, his bright blue eyes shining in anticipation. Sakura straightened too, and while she wasn’t visibly wound up like Naruto, she looked up at me curiously. Sasuke’s reaction was subdued, but I caught a glimpse of upturned lips before he caught himself.

“Is it a jutsu?” Naruto asked. “I want to learn a cool jutsu!”

I laughed. “No, not yet. Though I’ll teach you one soon if you get the hang of this exercise. It’ll help you when it comes time to learn jutsu.”

I told myself it wasn’t a lie if I actually intended to do it - and I did. I just needed to figure out how first.

“Today, we’re going to learn to climb trees,” I said.

“What, that’s it?” Naruto complained, shoulders sagging. He put his hands behind his head and kicked at the dirt. “How’s that supposed to help with jutsu?”

“Naruto! He obviously doesn’t mean regular tree climbing,” Sakura said. “I think Sensei means doing it without our hands.”

“Sakura is correct, of course.” I nodded at her. “This technique isn’t limited to just trees. You can use it to walk up any surface, and after you master it, you can move onto walking on water.”

Apparently, that was flashy enough to recapture Naruto’s attention. “On water?” he exclaimed. “I wanna do that!”

“First things first, the tree,” I said pointedly. “It’s an exercise of chakra control. You want to gather a sliver of your chakra to the bottom of your feet. Too little and you won’t stick, but too much and you’ll destroy the bark and fall. It’s difficult, but any good shinobi has to master this.”

Of course, I’d never tried it at all. I hadn’t chosen tree climbing at random. Unlike jutsu, it was one of the few exercises I remembered the theory behind, and more importantly, I didn’t really have to demonstrate at all.

“Awesome!” Without waiting for his teammates, Naruto charged at a tree, gathering his chakra in his feet. Predictably, he applied too much chakra and blasted several scorch marks in the tree trunk. He landed on his butt.

“Sensei, can you show us what it’s supposed to look like?” Sakura asked, brows knit with worry.

“I’m supposed to take it easy today,” I lied, tapping my bandages. “But you’re right that a demonstration would be helpful. Your chakra control is perfect, Sakura. Why don’t you try so Naruto and Sasuke can see what you’re doing?”

Sakura flushed, equal parts embarrassed and pleased. I made it a point to acknowledge her often, but usually in much smaller ways. “I-I can try.”

“Naruto, watch Sakura,” I said.

She chose a tree adjacent to Naruto’s, looking up at it like she would scrutinize an enemy. Her steps faltered as she reached the base of the tree as she mustered her courage. Then she placed a careful foot on the trunk of the tree.

Unlike Naruto, Sakura didn’t step up immediately. She tested the grip of her soles, and when her feet didn’t stick, she applied more chakra and tried again. Her trial-and-error went on for about thirty more seconds before she nodded to herself. When she stepped up, her feet stuck.

Sakura walked up the tree, shoulders squared, with a confidence I hadn’t seen yet in her sparring form.

“Woah!” Naruto yelled. “Sakura-chan, that’s amazing! You got it right away!”

At my elbow, Sasuke huffed. “How hard could it be? Just because the dead last failed at it, that doesn’t mean anything.”

Luckily Naruto was too distracted to overhear him. “Why don’t you try it for yourself, Sasuke?” I said.

Sasuke grunted. He started much like Sakura, placing a tentative foot on the trunk, but he didn't linger like she had. His first step stuck, but his second was shakier and he fell on his ass trying to take a third.

“That was good, Sasuke,” I called. I certainly wasn't going to ridicule a twelve-year old’s first attempt at something I hadn't tried for myself either.

“Sensei!” Sakura said, hopping down from the tree and landing lightly on her feet. The impact barely raised any dirt at all. She ran over to me. “What should I do next?”

It wasn’t as if I hadn’t seen her happy before, but this was a different kind. Her entire demeanor had changed, and while I wouldn’t go so far as to describe it as confident, Sakura felt more open. It was a nudge in the right direction, a flower raising its bud to the sun. Smiling, I ruffled her hair and was rewarded by a sharp noise of indignation. She brought her hands to her head to assess the damage.

“Normally, I’d say you should help your teammates, but this might be a good lesson for them to figure out themselves,” I said. “Well, then, if you’re that confident with that exercise, you can move on to walking on water. It’s harder, but I think you can do it.”

I pointed to the river. Despite its size, its currents were weak enough that it made a good surface. Thankfully, Sakura looked delighted at the prospect of a challenge. I would have loved to hang around to give them extra encouragement, but I couldn’t risk them figuring out I had nothing else to teach them.

That, and I had training of my own to do.

...

I had made my way past the Memorial Stone before stopping. There it was again: that subtle pressure just barely at the edge of my consciousness. Luckily I had a good idea of what it was now.

Scanning the trees, I asked, “Gai?”

Nothing, for a moment. Then the presence faded slowly until all I could feel was wind.

Frowning, I spun around, my hand moving to grab a kunai. The first two times I’d felt that sensation had been when Naruto and Sasuke had ambushed me. Those had turned out harmless (the second more narrowly), and I wasn’t eager to break that trend.

Still, after another minute of silence, I had just managed to convince myself that whoever it was must’ve retreated after being called out. I turned around to begin walking again and there they were.

The ANBU didn’t move from where they were standing only a foot away from me. They were wearing a black hooded cloak that cast a dark shadow over their face so I couldn’t even make out the color of their eyes through their mask, and the mask… It was white with red whisker-like markings under the eyes, though it didn’t obviously resemble an animal (that I could tell, anyway).

“Fuck,” I muttered softly under my breath, but we were standing so close they might have heard me anyway. Had I blown my cover? Surely a jounin should’ve been able to sense someone sneaking up on them, but then, were ANBU supposed to be even stronger than jounin? I couldn’t recall. “Er, ANBU-san…?”

The honorific felt strange on my tongue. I didn’t usually use them, but my meager knowledge of Japanese culture inclined me to try it here.

The ANBU reached out towards me, and I flinched. They didn’t attack, though, instead just clamping their hand on my shoulder and patting me once.

They lifted their other hand towards their hood, like they were going to take it off. I blinked, suddenly dizzy.

The ground didn’t shake, exactly, but I felt disconnected from my feet, like they were drifting away in the tide even when logically, I knew they were underneath me. My vision flashed red, once, before fading like I’d stood up in a rush. I was on the ground, rocks digging into my knees, and then someone was lifting me up, back on my feet again.

All too soon, it was over. The ANBU was staring down at me with a concerned expression.

Expression?

The blurry frown I’d taken for the ANBU’s mask was actually a human face. Asuma shifted the cigarette between his teeth to the corner of his mouth so he could speak. “Back with us again?” he was saying. A distant part of my mind registered that my nose stung from the acrid smell of tobacco.

“Where…?” My voice came out in a hoarse croak.

“We’re at the edge of the training grounds,” Asuma said, propping me up into a sitting position. I realized that I had been lying in the dirt but I couldn’t exactly remember what had given me the impression I wasn’t. “Ino found you.”

I looked over his shoulder, catching Ino’s gaze where she sat a fair distance away with her teammates. She stared back, lips pursed in something akin to worry, before Shikamaru made a blasé remark to distract her.

Struggling to find my voice again, I said, “Where did the ANBU go?”

Asuma paused, moving the cigarette with his tongue again. I wished he wouldn’t breathe so close to me. Then I wondered if cancer existed in Konoha. “There were no ANBU when we found you,” he said slowly.

“Ah.” I didn’t have anything better to say. “What time is it?”

“Just before dinner. Do I need to carry you to the hospital?”

I shook my head, moving to stand on my own. It took some focus, but my surroundings were getting clearer. The sky was orange moving towards black, and I was actually getting chilly.

“I, uh, I was gonna go train,” I said.

“Nope! You need to eat,” Asuma said cheerfully.

“Ugh.” It hadn’t occurred to me until then, but my body took the opportunity to remind me that I hadn’t eaten lunch.

“Come eat with us, Ise!” Ino said, walking over with Shikamaru in tow. Chouji trailed behind them. “Asuma-sensei’s treating us!”

“Er. All right,” I said, unable to say no to her face. I’d been avoiding her so far because I didn’t know how close we were, or how we were related, but I knew I couldn’t keep it up forever.

“Asuma’s treat then.”

Asuma gave me a half-smile that suggested he was used to this and didn’t intend to object. “Fine, fine. Yakiniku good with you?”

I nodded, not entirely sure what yakiniku was.

Ino engaged in rapid-fire conversation the entire walk there despite no one keeping up with her. Shikamaru made scattered, noncommittal remarks, while Asuma chipped in with a couple “I see”s and “Is that so”s. Chouji made the most effort, going so far as to agree with some of Ino’s opinions.

It wasn’t long before she zeroed in on me. “Hey, Ise, you’re Sakura and Sasuke-kun’s sensei, right?”

“That’s right. You and Sakura are friends, aren’t you?” I asked.

“What? No! We’re rivals!”

I had a vivid vision of Gai pronouncing Kakashi as his rival and very carefully did not mention it, least of all because I had no idea if Ino knew them.

“That’s a shame,” I said. “I think Sakura really needs a girl friend she can count on.”

“Hm. Well, that’s her problem,” Ino groused. “I hope she knows I’m not giving up just because she got to be on the same team as Sasuke-kun.”

Ah, Sasuke, the root of so many problems. I’d already stuck my fingers in all of Sakura’s business so I might as well go all the way. “Ah, what is it you like about Sasuke?” I asked.

Shikamaru sent me a scathing, betrayed look that rapidly dissolved into a frown that read “Why me?”

“Do you even have to ask?” Ino cried. “He’s handsome, strong, smart, and he’s got that cool mysterious aura! What’s not to like?”

“He’s kind of a brat,” I said automatically. Asuma choked, almost dropping his cigarette.

“Ise!” Ino sounded like I’d insulted her to her face, which, I supposed, was probably warranted.

“Sorry, sorry.” Clapping my hands together, I tried to look as apologetic as I could - without actually regretting my words. “He is getting better. Slowly. ”

Still amused, Asuma rescued me. “Speaking of your students, where exactly are they?”

“Oh, uh…” Actually, I had no idea. I didn’t think Sasuke and Naruto would learn tree climbing had learned in a day, and with their stamina they might even still be at it. I literally couldn’t recall anything about Kakashi teaching them water walking, though they must have learned at some point. “The Third Training Ground...I think.”

“You think?” Shikamaru echoed, his hands behind his head. He had one eyebrow raised and radiated such cutting judgment with that single gesture I felt compelled to defend myself.

“I’m teaching them to walk up trees,” I said. “Sakura got it right away, but Sasuke and Naruto were struggling. They probably won’t give up until they’ve worn themselves out.”

“Tree climbing already?” Asuma asked.

The original Team 7 learned it on the Wave mission, but I didn’t know if that was because Kakashi held off teaching them or if it was an exercise taught in preparation for the Chuunin Exams like C-ranks were. Maybe some combination of the two.

“Sakura has confidence issues,” I admitted, self-conscious in front of Ino. Then again, it was probably old news to her. They’d grown up together. “I thought doing something she could beat the boys in would be good for her.”

Ino didn’t say anything to that. It seemed her rivalry was one thing but, despite her queen bee personality, she wasn’t interested in shittalking Sakura behind her back. A good kid, I thought, feeling a surge of affection for her.

“You’re making a weird face, Ise-sensei,” Chouji piped up.

I quickly wiped the dopey grin off my face. “Was I?”

Dropping his cigarette on the ground and grinding it under his sandal, Asuma ducked into a restaurant called Yakiniku Q. The rest of us followed suit. It turned out yakiniku was a style of grilled meat. We were seated on cushions around a table with two gridirons in the middle. It was kind of like hot pot or a do-it-yourself hibachi restaurant, and there was something rewarding about watching your meat cook in front of you and eating it straight off the grill.

“So what have you been up to today? Other than rescuing stray unconscious jounin,” I said.

“Terrible…” Shikamaru mumbled. Chouji was distracted from answering, intent on watching the meat cook so he could grab it right when it reached perfection.

“Construction work,” Ino answered, more than happy to speak for her team. “They’re building a civilian orphanage on the far end of town and they needed help. That’s why we’re eating out as a reward!”

“Sadly it seems the only way I can motivate these knuckleheads is bribery,” Asuma said, placing more meat on the burner. “Though it doesn’t sound like you’re any better off.”

“My kids broke into my house a week ago,” I said.

“Don’t give them any ideas, god forbid,” said Asuma. “Kurenai got the Hyuuga, Aburame, and Inuzuka. A nice, quiet team that gets along, can you imagine?”

In the face of her sensei’s teasing, Ino’s expression turned sly. “Oh? You sure do talk about Kurenai-sensei a lot.”

I remembered this. “Well, it makes sense,” I smirked. “I sure hope I can find someone who loves me like that.”

Spluttering, Asuma said, “Wh - that’s not - according to rumors, you already have.”

“Ooh, who is it?” Ino asked, eyes shining.

I strongly suspected that ‘rumors’ went by the name Aoba Yamashiro. “No one,” I said, shoveling a piece of salted beef tongue into my mouth so I wouldn’t have to elaborate. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work.

“We’re cousins!” she wheedled. “It’s not fair Asuma-sensei knows and I don’t!”

“Asuma-sensei is wrong,” I said around the mouthful. I swallowed before continuing. “I’m not seeing anybody, and ‘rumors’ can go shove his wild theories up his - butt.”

Ino and Chouji both snickered in the manner of twelve-year-olds who hear adults curse, while Shikamaru continued perfecting his long-suffering eye roll. The kid was a pro at showing his disdain while doing as little as possible.

“I’ll tell him that when I see him,” Asuma said, amused.

“Chouji!” I said loudly. “Let’s order another round! You guys worked really hard today, so let’s get something expensive!”

“Low blow…” Asuma shook his head. Still, he forked over the money at the end of the night when Chouji had gorged himself to the point of immobility. After he keeled over, I gathered the leftover meat to be boxed.

“Ise! Let’s go home together,” Ino said after saying goodnight to Shikamaru and Asuma, who was carrying Chouji piggyback.

“Sure.”

We walked along the main road, Ino supplying an endless stream about any topic that crossed her mind. She was easy company, her bubbly chatter relieving me of any pressure to contribute to the conversation.

She must have noticed me watching her, because she stopped in the middle of her rant about Chouji’s headwear. “What is it?” Hurriedly, she put a hand over her mouth. “Do I have meat in my teeth?”

“Ah, no, no.” I patted her head. “I was just thinking you make a good kunoichi.”

Sakura would have blushed, but Ino fell silent, looking straight ahead. The compound was rising into view. “Of course,” she said in a voice more subdued than her conversational one. “I’m gonna be clan head someday after all.”

“Yeah, don’t mind me,” I said. “I’m just getting old.”

...

When the door slammed open in the middle of my nightly study session, I turned around expecting to see Aoba. Instead I was greeted by giant man dressed in all gray. The entire upper half of his head was wrapped in bandages, his Konoha forehead protector obscuring his eyes, and his lips were set in a vicious snarl.

“Uh,” I said.

It was not, perhaps, the best reaction a jounin might have to someone forcibly entering their home, but I figured anyone who saw the stack of elementary books in front of me could reason I wasn’t a great jounin.

Could this guy see through the bandages and forehead protector? He must have, because he came straight for me.

“Who are you?” I asked, more than a little freak out.

Pausing, he said, “Tonbo. Your third genin teammate.”

“Oh, _Tonbo_!” I said, affecting cheer. “I knew that, of course.”

“You don’t have to lie. I already beat the story out of Aoba,” Tonbo said. “As if he could hide anything from me for more than a week.”

“Ah, neat.” I had to strain my neck to look up at his face, and I wasn’t even sure if I needed to, given the bandages. He was well over six-feet, maybe a full-foot taller than me. Staring straight ahead while sitting put me on eye-level with his crotch. Fuck it. I went back to looking at my book.

“What do you remember?”

“It’s not amnesia,” I said. “But sometimes… I think my body remembers a bit of taijutsu. Sometimes when people attack me, I automatically counter.”

I hadn’t finished my sentence before Tonbo grabbed me by the neck of my robe and slammed me against the kitchen wall, pinning me there with one arm. The impact knocked the wind out of me, and the hard pressure of his grip against my throat did me no favors.

“Ow,” I choked out.

Tonbo let me go. “You didn’t counter,” he said.

“...fuck, you’re crazy.” Collapsing back into my chair, I rubbed my neck. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d left a red imprint there.

“This is serious. I usually wouldn’t even be able to grab you,” Tonbo said.

I glared, and then, for his benefit in case he couldn’t see me, added, “I’m glaring at you.”

“If it isn’t amnesia, what is it?” he pressed.

“I’m not Ise,” I told him, “at least not the Ise you know. I’m from a different world. Um, it’s called Earth, and there aren’t ninjas. Anymore. There were ninjas like, hundreds of years ago, but I think they died out. Um, could you sit down?”

Silently, Tonbo took the seat across from me. It only made looking into his face slightly less awkward. He gave very few facial cues as to what he thought of my words, or if he did, I couldn’t see past the bandages.

“We think the mind jutsu or whatever Aoba was trying brought my consciousness into this body. I, uh, don’t know what happened to the other Ise...whether he’s in my body on Earth or if he’s…” Gone? Maybe I’d overwritten him like a save file, or maybe he was still trapped in this body but locked away somewhere.

After a lengthy pause, Tonbo said, “The jutsu Aoba was working on was intended to be an alternative to the Mind Body Switch. You’ve always had trouble with your clan’s secret techniques, so Aoba wanted to write a seal that would help you.”

“Ah.” I’d known Aoba was caring - he helped me as much as he could, after all, and he’d stayed with me the whole night after the seal failed too - but I still faltered in the face of actual evidence.

“Of course, he didn’t tell me about it until afterward because I would’ve told him to leave the sealing jutsu to the sealing masters,” Tonbo continued.

“Can you see?” I blurted out, then slapped my hand over my mouth.

Another long pause. Tonbo sighed. “Does it look like I can see?”

“...no. Sorry, that was rude. I didn’t mean to.”

“Just ask,” he said, doing a great imitation of Shikamaru’s ‘troublesome’ voice.

“How are you, like, detecting your surroundings?” I said. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Three.”

I scooted my chair back in a hurry. “Can you _read my mind_?”

“Yes, but I’m not doing it right now. You always hold three fingers up when you ask that question,” Tonbo said. “And the reason I can move around is that I use chakra to sense my surroundings. People and animals are easier for me to sense because they have chakra too.”

“Always?” I repeated. “Other Ise too?”

Tonbo tilted his head to the side. “I’m not convinced you are completely different people yet.”

“We’re that similar?” It made some kind of twisted sense that we may have been the same person, just in different worlds. Parallels of each other? But he’d still been murdering people since he was a kid. That had to have some larger impact on his psyche.

“Has anyone else suspected you of anything?” Tonbo asked.

“No. But I’m a great actor,” I said.

“I can also sense chakra distortions when you lie.”

Narrowing my eyes at him, I lowered my voice accusingly. “Is there anything you can’t do?”

“See,” was the bland response. Which. O.K., _fair_.

“You said you could read my mind, right?” I said. “See for yourself whether I’m the same person.”

Initially, Tonbo looked reluctant, the corners of his mouth turning downwards. “Fine,” he agreed with a note of hesitation. “It’s worth a try.”

He reached over the table and placed his hand on my forehead. I felt the curl of his chakra, cool but almost electric, but then I was distracted by a rush of unbidden images all at once - my younger sister curled on her bed playing her 3DS, the walls of her room illuminated rosy pink by her flowery covers - a kitten exposing its tummy to lure in passing humans in the dead of night - working right up until a midnight deadline - Aoba’s voice, “You’ve always had the biggest fucking crush on Gai” - an LIRR express train barrelling past two feet away - falling into a river - a child crying - surrounded by family -

Tonbo wrenched himself away from me, staggering to his feet. He managed to make it to the sink before dry heaving.

I blinked. Without his hand, my eyes refocused in on my kitchen.

“Your head is a fucking nightmare,” Tonbo growled, wiping his mouth with the back of his head. “Gai? _Really_?"

I didn’t understand why this kept coming back up. “That was out of context, and you know it,” I said. “Are you O.K.?”

“Just a headache.” Tonbo shook his head. “That right there is the reason you can’t do genjutsu. You have no mental blocks. As soon as you try, everything comes spilling out.”

“That’s a bad thing?” I asked.

Tonbo sat down again, his entire body slumping against the back of the chair. “Well, it makes it easier to read you. Usually, people’s heads are kind of compartmentalized. I can sift through their memories and choose what to look at. But with you, everything hits me all at once. There’s no subtlety, which is essential for genjutsu. But you’ve never had too much interest in learning it, so it’s not a big deal.”

“So...what? What’d you find out?” I really hoped he hadn’t seen anything about _Naruto_.

“You still have shitty mental control,” Tonbo said, “but...there’s still something I’m not getting. Like memories you aren’t accessing right now, so I can’t get to them.”

“Like, something I forgot?” Man, if I actually had amnesia after how hard I’d insisted it wasn’t the problem...

“No, I’d still be able to bring something like that to the surface,” Tonbo said. “This is more like… If your mind is a house, and mental blocks are like locked doors, those memories are trapped in a room with no doors. The only way to get in would be force - to break those walls down.”

“That doesn’t sound terrifying at all,” I remarked.

“It usually isn’t necessary except for trauma cases and specific interrogations. There’s always the risk that the memories will get damaged, so it’s a last resort.” He spoke casually, but it was difficult to disguise the cruel nature of a ninja’s job. “Right now, we have two theories: either you’re right and Ise’s mind is in your world and there’s nothing we can do about it, or you’re Ise and something - maybe Aoba’s seal - is blocking your memories right now.”

“What about my memories of my world? You saw them too.”

“I think - “ Tonbo stopped, like it had occurred to him that it would be better to not tell me. It was too late to pretend he hadn’t said anything though. “It’s possible that...to cope with suddenly losing so many memories, your mind compensated by generating new ones to fill up that space.”

It made sense, and Tonbo’s voice was level and serious in a way that compelled me to trust him. I almost believed him, before I remembered that I knew the plot to Naruto. If his theory was true, I wouldn’t know all that I did, right?

I couldn’t exactly say that, so I just said, “Ah.”

Tonbo frowned again, just a glimpse of something like pity or sympathy before he schooled his expression. “I’m sorry,” he said, more awkward than earnest. “If there’s something I can do…”

Hm. I looked back at my discarded book on elemental ninjutsu laying on the table where I had dropped it. “Actually, there _is_ something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ise absolutely talks with his mouth full. it's a character flaw.)
> 
> thanks for the continued support. next week is move out day so i may update saturday or sunday night instead.


	4. Ise Sleeps a Lot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The author self-indulges a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo...it's monday... yesterday was move-out day for me, and i totally meant to update saturday instead, but a series of events occurred and long story short i forgot! whoops!

I was crying. For some reason, I was on the ground in a forest I didn’t recognize, but I wasn’t lost.

“Ise!”

That familiar voice filled me with relief for all of a second before shame brought the tears back. Still, it was worse for a ninja to be seen crying. I hastily stood up, clamping my mouth shut to keep myself from whimpering.

Gai appeared in front of me, though he was different from the one I knew. Younger. He hadn’t quite grown into his features yet, all awkwardly proportioned in the manner of a growing child. His signature green jumpsuit was sleeveless, and he wore a red scarf like a bandana around his neck.

“Ise,” he was saying, “are you O.K.? You need to go back to the hospital… Shikaku-san is worried.”

My arm was in a splint, and instead of my usual clothes I was dressed in a hospital gown that exposed my scabby knees. Bruises of various shades of purple, green, and blue covered my calves, the ugly souvenirs of my latest mission. I wasn’t wearing shoes. A rock cut painfully into the heel of my right foot, but I didn’t pull it away.

“Ise, say something.”

I turned away, bringing my good arm across my chest as if to physically restrain my heart from beating so loudly. “Go away,” I mumbled, aiming for vehemence but choking on the last syllable.

Tentatively, Gai placed his hand on my back. A comforting gesture, but I knew it was because he didn’t trust me to stay on my own two feet. “I’m not going away,” he said. “We don’t have to go back to the hospital. Let’s go to your house.”

“Why do you care?” I yelled, spinning around and smacking his hand away. Even though I’d taken him by surprise, he didn’t retaliate. His arm fell back to his side.

“We’re friends, Ise!” Gai said, bright and warm. “Of course I care.”

Against his innocent grin, I didn’t really stand a chance. The words spilled out before I made the conscious decision to tell him. “They said I was never going to be good at taijutsu,” I said. My parents always said confessions were supposed to make you feel lighter, but my chest only restricted tighter. “My body isn’t sturdy enough for the front lines. Shikaku-sensei wants me to consider long-ranged ninjutsu o-or genjutsu, like Inoichi-sama.”

“You don’t like your clan jutsu?” Gai asked.

“That’s not it!” The grief evaporated into straight anger. Gai had always been ahead of me, despite being younger, and he even knew how to open the gates. He treated his situation like a handicap, like he was worse off for only focusing on taijutsu, but he knew his hard work was going to pay off. Everything he had was what I wanted.

But none of that was his fault. It was mine.

“I just...want to be stronger.”

Gai beamed. It wasn’t even a decision for him to forgive my outburst - just an automatic reaction. “That’s the spirit, Ise! You will never stop growing as long as you don’t give up!”

With no intense anger to keep me going, I was suddenly struck by how much pain I was in. My legs were shaking with the strain of keeping me upright, and I would’ve slumped to the ground if Gai hadn’t stepped in to catch me.

“Gai…” I murmured, unable to keep my eyes open. “Teach me...how to open the gates…”

I could feel his breathing, a steady motion like rocking a baby. When he answered, I heard his voice all around me.

“When you get better - ”

...

I woke up to the pounding of drums, a quick _one-two_ , _one-two_ , _one-two_ , right next to my ears. It took a moment of heavy breathing before I recognized it as my heartbeat. My corners of my eyes were half-glued together with drying tears. Ugh.

Dreams that vivid and coherent just didn’t happen. They were a staple in fiction, my brain helpfully supplied. I ignored it.

If that had been a memory, Gai had taught me to open the gates. At least, he’d taught other Ise.

Unfortunately, I had no idea how.

And that was overlooking the implications of _what if that had been part of other Ise’s memories?_ All of a sudden, Tonbo’s theory didn’t seem so far-fetched after all. If other Ise’s memories had just been walled away, and Tonbo’s mind-reading jutsu had disturbed the seal somehow, would the rest of them filter in too?

If his memories came back, what would happen to me?

“Yo,” said Aoba from my ceiling.

I definitely didn’t make a noise that could be described as a scream, but I did throw both of my pillows at him.

“Fuck,” he said, ducking one and catching the other. “You need to stop doing that before it becomes a habit.”

“You scared me,” I said. “What are you even doing here?”

Aoba dropped the pillows back on my bed and jumped down from the ceiling. A brilliant purple bruise had bloomed under his left eye, too large for the sunglasses to hide it. “Tonbo told me you wanted us to help you with something,” he said, “and since he clearly owns my entire ass, here I am.”

“Oh. Did he do the, uh.” I tapped the spot under my eye.

“Yeah,” Aoba sighed. “I guess I should be proud we got away with it as long as we did.”

After brushing my teeth and changing into my jounin uniform, I found Aoba lounging in the kitchen. “Want something to eat?”

He eyed me suspiciously. “Not if you’re cooking.”

Rolling my eyes - I wasn’t that bad a cook, really - I opened the fridge and grabbed the bag of leftovers from Yakiniku Q. “Heat that up,” I ordered.

Aoba set about the kitchen while I made some tea for him. After pouring water for myself, we settled at the kitchen table. “Did you get yakiniku with Tonbo?”

“No, Asuma’s team invited me,” I said around a mouthful of meat. “I think I was attacked by an ANBU yesterday. I saw one, and the next thing I knew it was almost nighttime.”

“An ANBU? You sure you didn’t just dream it?” Aoba asked. “Hmm, that’s troubling. Maybe they think you’re acting weird or something.”

“I’m gonna be offended if some random ANBU notices I’m acting different before the people that I actually know and interact with first,” I said.

Tonbo was waiting for us at the training grounds, almost unrecognizable with three children hanging off of him like he was a playground. All right, the hanging part was mostly Naruto, who was indiscreetly rummaging through all of Tonbo’s pockets, though Sakura was bouncing questions off of him and even Sasuke looked interested.

“Sensei!” Naruto cried when he caught sight of us. “This person said he’s a friend of yours! He’s a giant!”

Aoba threw his head back and laughed. “Oh, man, this is the best day ever. I should have brought a camera.”

Tonbo somehow managed to convey _kill me now_ with only the bottom half of his face. “Take them back,” he rasped.

“That’s right,” I said, “these two were _my_ genin teammates when I was your age. That’s Tonbo, and this is Aoba.”

“Is this another teamwork lecture?” Naruto moaned. “We get it, sensei…”

I chuckled. Maybe I had been relying too much on that particular argument to get out of teaching them stuff. “No, no, they’re here to help me teach you special jutsu.”

All three of them snapped to attention wearing identical eager expressions, like they were puppies smelling dinner. “Really?” Naruto demanded.

“But first, how did yesterday’s training go?” I said.

“We mastered it!” Naruto crowed, finally pulling his hands away. Tonbo’s shoulders slumped with relief. “Of course we did!”

“He says it like he didn’t spend all night trying to figure it out,” Sasuke said blandly.

“Yeah, well, you didn’t manage to do it on your own either!” Naruto shot back.

The corner of my lip quirked up. “You got help?”

“Yeah, Sakura came over and helped a little. She’s really good at it.” Naruto beamed at her.

“She was...acceptable,” Sasuke allowed. He only barely kept himself from grimacing.

“Is that right?” I looked at Sakura. “And walking on water?”

Sakura’s cheeks had turned light pink under the praise, but her pride leaked out from behind her attempt at modesty. “Well, it was hard at first, trying to find the right amount of chakra because the water kept moving, but I got the hang of it after a while.”

“All three of you did very well,” I said. “As a reward, we’ll get started on your jutsu training. Do you know what these are?”

I held up the four sheets of chakra induction paper I’d brought from home.

“Paper,” Naruto said seriously.

“Idiot! Why would Ise-sensei bring regular paper to training?” she said, whacking him upside the head.

“That’s all right, Sakura, he isn’t wrong,” I said. “This is a special kind of paper that tests what affinity your chakra is. There are five types: fire, water, wind, lightning, and earth. You’re going to naturally be better with jutsu that match your affinity.”

With that explanation, I picked up the first of the papers and directed a bit of chakra into it. I was expecting a reaction, but my breath still caught when the paper burst into flames. Within seconds the fire ate it up and it turned to ash between my fingers, falling to the dirt.

“As you can see, I have a fire affinity,” I said. “A lot of people in the Land of Fire do. I’d be surprised if one of you didn’t have a fire affinity.”

“That’s cool!” Naruto said, eyeing my hand like the papers were made of gold. “Are we gonna get to do that?”

“Yup.” I distributed the papers. “The five chakra affinities correspond with the five basic types of elemental jutsu. Those are mostly C-rank and above, so they’re tricky to learn for genin. Still, it’ll be easier to learn something within your affinity and we’re going to start refining your elemental control today. Just push some of your chakra into the paper; it’s sensitive, so just a little.”

Sakura gasped as hers crumbled away into small pieces, and Sasuke’s caught fire, though his only reaction was a small eyebrow twitch. A second later, Naruto waved his paper in the air, cut neatly in two. “What’s this mean, Sensei?”

“Congratulations,” I said. “Naruto, you have a wind affinity. Sasuke, you’re a fire affinity like me and Aoba, and Sakura, you have an earth affinity like Tonbo.”

“Wait, I’m the only one without a teacher?” Naruto pouted. “That’s not fair!”

“That’s all right, Naruto. Most jounin can use multiple elements. It’s just a little more difficult if it isn’t in our affinity,” I said. “Aoba in particular is good at elemental jutsu. He has experience with Wind Release.”

“When you use your teacher voice I can’t tell if you’re complimenting me or making fun of me,” Aoba complained behind me.

“Take a wild guess,” Tonbo said.

“Then...are we going to split up?” Sakura asked. “If Ise-sensei teaches Sasuke, Aoba-san teaches Naruto, and I have…” She looked up - and up and up - at Tonbo, who was irrefutably the scariest of us. To his credit, Tonbo didn’t react at all to her fear, though he didn’t do anything to assuage it either.

“Eventually,” I told her, “once we get to elemental jutsu, but before that you have to learn how to recompose elemental chakra.” I hoped I was keeping the textbook out of my voice, since this was the sketchy part of theory that I had difficulty understanding.

“We’re not doing the actual jutsu?” said Naruto, expression falling. “You said you’d teach us soon! When are we getting to the cool stuff?”

“Ninja spend years working up to the ‘cool stuff,’” Tonbo growled. While his voice was naturally gruff, it was deeper now, like he was aiming to intimidate Naruto. “If you aren’t willing to put in the gritty work to get better, you’re in the wrong career.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Naruto mumbled. I felt a little bad, even though I was glad Tonbo had silenced that line of complaints early.

“Naruto, your exercise will be this.” I handed him a leaf. “Hold that in your hand and cut it using just your chakra.”

That I remembered from the manga, but the other two exercises I’d had to look up.

“Sakura, this rock. Place it on the ground, and standing straight up, move it to your hand.” She nodded, studying the rock intently. It was just a normal rock I’d picked up from the ground. I turned to Sasuke, barely containing a smile. “Sasuke. This egg.”

Naruto and Sakura both looked over. “An egg,” Naruto whispered to himself, shaking with laughter. I hadn’t even gotten to the best part yet.

“I can already - “ Sasuke started.

“Make us some sunny-side ups, all right?” I said cheerfully. “I like mine over-medium.”

Naruto laughed so hard he had to sit down, and even Sakura was suppressing a smile. “It’s a normal exercise,” she insisted, which would have been a lot more convincing if she could look Sasuke in the eye. “Eggs burn easily so they require a lot of control to cook properly with chakra.”

“Will he have to cook us a chicken next?” Naruto said, and then collapsed laughing at his own joke.

I gave Sasuke two cartons of eggs to burn through, which he accepted with a grim expression, but he seemed to be taking the exercise seriously. I figured Naruto would sober on his own time. Sakura returned to her rock, placing it on the ground with care.

“Did we have to do the egg exercise?” I asked Aoba.

“Ugh… That’s one memory I’d be glad to get rid of,” he said forlornly. “Shikaku-sensei threw eggs at us while we did it. ‘Ninja have to work through distractions.’ Then he made us cook them in midair.”

Naruto might actually die if I did that, though the idea was tempting. “Thanks for helping me,” I said.

“You didn’t really need us today,” Tonbo said. “You did fine.”

“Heh. Well. I’ll need you once we get to the parts that need demonstration,” I said. “I just wanted to make sure I didn’t say anything wrong.”

“You were fine,” Tonbo repeated.

...

For the first time, it felt like I was really a jounin sensei. I was teaching them something. I’d changed their lives, even if it was just by a little bit.

I wanted to keep doing it.

Of course, the more I thought about it, the more apparent it became that I wouldn’t be the one to teach them something, and I also couldn’t keep relying on other people to do my job. There wasn’t much of an alternative, though, until I solved the problem with myself.

I took out the list of jutsu Aoba had written me. I could do all of the academy-level jutsu now, as well as the Body Flicker (more or less). I had a few more low-level jutsu that Aoba recommended I practice, but my eyes kept skipping ahead to one particular one…

Summoning.

I was really curious about what kind of animals I’d made a contract with. It probably wasn’t a canon summon; I wasn’t sure if many ninjas...shared their contract. When I asked Aoba, he just laughed and reminded me not to do it indoors. He also wouldn’t tell me what his was.

Tonbo said his contract was with vultures. I carefully didn’t say anything in response.

After I was alone again, I made my way back to the training grounds. The list contained cursory instructions for how to perform the summoning, but I wasn’t sure what to expect still.

Kneeling on the ground, I sliced open my thumb and ran through the hand seals. The transition from Dog to Bird was tricky and took me a few attempts, but I managed to get Ram on my first try. I was pretty sure _Naruto_ characters shouted a catchy Japanese term when they summoned, but I didn’t remember it and I didn’t know an English equivalent.

It felt underwhelming staying silent, so I muttered, “Summoning Jutsu,” and slapped the ground.

Nothing happened, and I was almost embarrassed that I had expected otherwise.

Then I growled in frustration, repeated the hand seals, and pushed a lot more chakra into my hand when I slapped the ground.

A puff of smoke burst out from under my hand, and before I could completely pull away I was being lifted into the air by something large, furry, and smelling distinctly like _animal_. “Yargh,” I said around a mouthful of pelt.

“Put him down already, Mukkuma,” rumbled a deep voice from behind me.

“I wanna hug him too!” That voice came from below and sounded young and androgynous.

“It’s been so long since you’ve summoned us, Ise…” I felt each word against my body as I heard it. The fur was coarse, entirely unlike manufactured fur-lined products, but somehow still comforting.

At last, the smoke dissipated and I got my first real look at what I had summoned.

“I guess this makes me Goldilocks,” I said to the three bears surrounding me.

The one that had grabbed me, Mukkuma, could only be called “medium-sized” in that she was smaller than the bear behind me and larger than the third. She was still over double my height. She had black fur faintly tinted red and wore a Konoha forehead protector around her neck like a scarf.

The bear that had spoken first was, somehow, even larger, with tawny-brown fur and one visible eye. The other was behind a black eyepatch, three jagged scars peeking out underneath. His sleeveless black happi was tied at the waist by a white cloth.

The smallest was honey-brown and as tall as my shoulder. She wasn’t wearing any clothing, but she had a thick club strapped to her back. “What’s Goldilocks?”

Mukkuma stuck her wet nose against my neck. I flinched a little at the sensation. “Smells like fire,” she said.

The biggest bear harrumphed. When I didn’t respond, he said, “You’re quiet today, Ise. Are you sick?”

I smiled as the smallest bear began pawing at me too. Honestly, I was...in awe. I never would have imagined getting this close to a bear - three of them - without getting mauled. “No,” I said, finding my voice. “It’s just...been a long week.”

“Pick me up!” insisted the small one.

“You’re a little big, aren’t you?” I asked.

She huffed. “What’s the point of summoning us if not to cuddle…”

I didn’t disagree. The big one said, “That is a good question. Why did you summon us, Ise?”

For a moment, I debated what I should tell them. I was contracted to them, but they were still vicious ninja bears who probably had a lot of experience killing things. Would they still act this tactile if I admitted I wasn’t the man they knew?

The small one wrapped both her arms around me. I lasted approximately .2 seconds before I started talking.

“I see,” said the big bear. “So you don’t actually know who we are.”

“It’s been so long Ise forgot us!” the small one cried.

I buried my fingers into the fur around her ear and scratched. “Sorry,” I said, marvelling in how quickly her expression melted into pleasure.

“Very well. I am Shikkuma,” said Shikkuma, “that is Mukkuma, and the little one is Miguma.”

“Almost bigger than Ise though,” Miguma mumbled.

It was cute enough that I was almost not offended by the jab at my height. Almost. Still, they were ninja bears, so I put up with it a lot better than I would have hearing it from Aoba. “You’re lucky I love you or I would whack you for that,” I said.

“I love you too!” The small bear shoved me over, which might have hurt a lot more if she didn’t cushion my fall. Immediately, she curled around me, her bulk pinning my chest down. A second later, a sizeable lump of black I assumed was Mukkuma joined us in a heap on the ground and nuzzled closer.

“Too cool to join in?” I said innocently, giddy from the absurdity of the situation. Shikkuma let out an unimpressed growl that made it apparent he knew what I was up to. That didn’t stop him from curling up next to my legs.

Camping wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, I decided, even without proper bedding. Somehow I went from gazing fondly at Miguma’s sleeping face to blinking awake in front of Gai.

“Mrhmgm,” was all that came out of my mouth when I tried to speak.

“Good morning, Ise!” Gai shouted. Even half-disoriented by sleep, I could tell it was nighttime. “I did not mean to wake you.”

“It’s all right,” I said, trying and failing to sit up. I couldn’t feel either of my arms, but Shikkuma’s steady breathing tickled my leg. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep…”

I guess I’d been more tired than I’d realized after last night. Come to think of it, I’d slept the better part of yesterday too. If I wasn’t careful, it would become a trend.

“Ise...too loud...,” rumbled my pillow.

Miguma cracked open an eye. “It’s Gai!” she said, sitting up. “Catch me!”

“Urgh,” I grunted as she launched herself off my chest like a bullet. Blood began recirculating into my arms like liquid fire.

Impressively, Gai didn’t flinch at the prospect of several hundred pounds of excited child hurtling at him, bracing himself to catch her. I sat up as he grappled with her weight. “Miguma-chan! You have grown! If I cannot hold you for 100 seconds, I will somersault around the village 200 times before I go to sleep!”

“Welcome back,” I said, cracking my shoulders and neck. I retracted what I said about camping; it was killer on my back. “I take it your mission went well?”

“Yes! My students performed their duties admirably,” Gai said, muscles bulging beneath his jumpsuit.

With Gai around, Mukkuma and Shikkuma both figured they weren’t going back to sleep. They slowly rose, stretching to their full heights. Mukkuma rested her giant paw on top of my head, her claws tangled in my hair. “Do you think you’ll take another C-rank soon?” I asked.

Gai was muttering numbers under his breath, but he broke off to beam at me. His face glistened with perspiration that almost looked like sparkles if I squinted. “My team is full of youthful energy! I would like them to rest first but they are always eager to take on harder missions. The best way to blossom is with experience!”

“I need a favor, Gai,” I said.

Surprised, he loosened his grip on Miguma for a second, and in that moment she wiggled free and leapt away, shouting, “Moth!”

“Eurgh...twenty seconds off,” Gai muttered. He shook his head. “Of course, I will help you, Ise. What do you need?”

“Let my team come with you on your next C-rank,” I said.

Gai frowned, deep in thought. “I would never say no to your company, but...this is an unconventional request.”

“My kids are having difficulty connecting as a team,” I tacked on. “I think it would be a great experience for them to observe and work with a team who understands the importance of working together like yours.”

“Absolutely! I understand!” exclaimed Gai. “I am honored by your words of praise. We would love to kindle the flames of youth in your students!”

Grinning, I said. “Thanks, Gai. I knew I could count on you.”

I didn’t know whether our first C-rank would be the same Wave mission, but I didn’t trust anything this universe might throw at Naruto. Jounin accompanied genin teams to protect them outside of the village, and I certainly wasn’t up to filling that role.

Miguma trudged back on all fours, looking sleepily pleased. “If you don’t need us anymore, we’re going home,” Shikkuma informed me.

“All right. Thanks for - “ Not mauling me. “ - the nap.”

Shikkuma sighed and dismissed himself. Mukkuma licked the back of my neck. “He’s a grump but he’s happy you called,” she said. “If you need help with everything, summon us again.”

“Bye, Ise! Bye, Gai!” Both of them vanished with a puff of smoke.

Gai treated me to a concerned look. “Did something happen, Ise?”

“Long week,” I said.

“I heard from Genma you collapsed,” Gai said.

I really didn’t know how it had reached _Genma_ , but I made a note not to underestimate the jounin rumor mill again. “That was, uh, an unrelated incident. Probably,” I said. I had bigger things to worry about if that ANBU hadn’t been unrelated to this mess.

“Training is good, but it is also important to look after your health,” Gai said sternly, furrowing his eyebrows so hard they almost touched.

“Heh. Yeah, I guess I always have been hard on myself.” I had a bit of insight into what the other Ise had grown up like. Even examining my body in the baths, I wasn’t as muscular as I would expect from a career ninja. That would have been hard for someone as avidly enthusiastic about taijutsu as I had been.

“You’ve worked hard and it has paid off,” Gai agreed, “and now we’ve been blessed with the opportunity to pass on the fruits of our youth!”

Maybe the reason I liked him so much was because we were both good at talking about doing things. Of course, the difference was that Gai could proceed to actually do them.

“Yeah,” I said. “Thanks for sticking around for me, Gai.”

Gai quirked his head and didn’t answer me. I thought that at last, I might have said something uncharacteristic for Ise and someone had noticed. Finally he blushed, averted his gaze, and muttered something that sounded like, “...don’t know how my rival could keep calm at time like this.”

My blood ran cold. “Your rival?” I asked. “Kakashi?”

“Y-yes, Kakashi… He would say something cool right now, but I can’t really think of anything,” Gai admitted.

But I was only half-listening. Kakashi was real. He existed in this universe.

Then why wasn’t he here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i reaaaally wanted to make Ise’s summon spiders but frickin kidomaru already summons them (did i name all the bears “bear one,” “bear two,” “bear three,” etc.? ...maybe)
> 
> also, i’m not a fan of dream sequences but this is for fun and i wanted to explore other-ise, so that’s what you’re getting


	5. Ise Gets Hurt, But Like, For Real This Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ise embarks on his first C-rank, regrets several of his decisions, and gets his ass handed to him by a child.

Even though Gai had told me what day we would depart for the mission, I was not happy to be awoken at an ungodly hour in the morning by Konoha’s Sublime Green Beast himself, standing on top of my bed with his feet positioned on either side of my torso and an offensively awake grin. “Good morning, Ise!” he said, despite it clearly being night.

I glared at him, grumpy more on principle than anything else. For some reason, I didn’t get sleepy as long as I got a little bit of shut-eye each night. This really wasn’t helping me regulate my sleep schedule though.

I didn't know who I was kidding. Ninja gave up on regulated sleep schedules as part of their job description.

“What are - “ My voice came out dry and raspy. “Where?” I said instead.

“Suna,” Gai said, evidently taking pity on me and keeping his answers brief and youth-free. “Courier mission.”

I sat up, eyes wide, and Gai had to jump off the bed to avoid a very awkward situation. My face heated as I realized what I'd narrowly escaped. “Ah,” I coughed, “Suna… that's unexpected.”

It was too early for the Wave mission, but I'd expected something similar at least.

“They’re allies, so this should be a quick and easy mission even for new genin,” said Gai.

I knew from the Chuunin Exam arc that Suna wouldn’t be the safest place for newly-graduated genin, though I didn’t remember how early Orochimaru had displaced the Kazekage. Probably not this early, if they hadn’t found his body until after.

Still, I also didn’t want to run into Gaara. Naruto had done _something_ to make him less - prone to wanton murder, but I’d changed the timeline so much I didn’t know when or how or _if_ it would happen again.  

At least Gai would be with us, though he’d definitely notice something was up if I kept relying on him.

“Have you eaten?” I asked Gai as I swung my legs out of bed. Grabbing my holster and forehead protector from my nightstand, I started getting dressed. Gai didn’t avert his gaze or acknowledge me shedding my clothes at all; it had been difficult to adjust to but a few weeks of taking communal baths went a long way to eradicating my instinctive self-consciousness.

“Yes! I ate before my morning marathon,” Gai said.

Of course he’d already been awake for hours.

I pulled on my pants and fastened my holster to my thigh - for appearances, mostly, since I still couldn’t throw a shuriken without cutting myself or reliably throw a kunai pointy-side first. Then I secured my forehead protector and threw my hair up in a ponytail. It was some Yamanaka thing, but it was still inconvenient.

Looked fucking good though.

“Let me brush my teeth and grab some food, and then we can go,” I said. “I packed last night.”

“I can whip something up while you prepare!” Gai volunteered. “It will be filling and nutritious! If I cannot make something to to your satisfaction by the time you are done, I will personally catch fifty fish for our genins’ dinner tonight! With my bare hands!”

Vividly, I pictured Gai hoisting a basket of wriggling fish over his head and roaring in triumph. The Gai in my imagination was wearing a bear suit not unlike Miguma. I almost wanted to make him try…

“We can’t eat that much,” I said. “It’s wasteful.”

“Eh?” Gai bounced back quickly. “Thoughtful as always, Ise! Then, I will…”

“How about you carry me all the way to Suna?” I suggested.

“Yes! If I fail, I will carry your whole team to Suna!” His voice carried even as he walked out of the room toward the kitchen. The mental image of Gai wrangling Sasuke into a piggyback ride was hilarious.

By the time I made it to the kitchen, Gai had produced a bowl of egg rice, miso soup, and grilled fish I knew for a fact he hadn’t found in my refrigerator.

“It’s only been a few minutes,” I said, eyeing my table like the food was going to disappear.

Wordlessly, Gai added a plate of pickled vegetables to the lineup. Behind him, the kettle started whistling with hot water for the tea.

“...I guess this is an acceptable offering,” I said, affecting nonchalance.

Gai laughed.

We were the last to make it to the training grounds. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were already staring at Team Gai in various states of confusion, offense, and indignation.

Rock Lee actually didn’t look as much like Gai as I’d thought he would, most of their resemblance stemming from their haircut and outfits. He had different facial features and a slimmer body type, which made sense. They weren’t related, so their similarities must have been cultivated.

Unsurprisingly, it was Sasuke who stood opposite Lee and Tenten, with Neji already disengaged and alone on the far end of the field. Spotting his teacher, Neji slunk over. I wondered if Gai had ever introduced me to his team… I couldn’t remember if they’d known Kakashi in the original.

Forcing my way between Sasuke and Tenten, who were almost chest-to-chest, I pushed them apart wearing my best imitation of Kakashi’s most obnoxious smile. “Good morning, children! Have you eaten?”

“Ise-sensei,” Naruto started, the hint of a whine creeping into his voice.

“We ate already,” Sakura answered for him.

“Great. And you told your parents you were going out of the village?” Too late, I realized only one of them had living parents. Sakura realized this at the same time and looked nervously around. I hurried on. “Since this is our first one, I asked my friend Gai and his genin team to show you the ropes.”

“He’s your friend?” Naruto asked. Sasuke fixed Gai with a doleful stare that suggested he agreed with Naruto, even if he’d never verbalize it.

“Yes,” I said, deciding no elaboration was necessary. “We’re going to Suna. It’s only to deliver a package, so we should be back in a week.”

Sasuke scowled. He’d probably been expecting more out of a C-rank, but hey, it wasn’t weed pulling. “We’re ninja,” he said, speaking directly at Tenten. “We don’t need babysitters.”

“They aren’t babysitters,” I said. “Gai’s team graduated the year before you, so they have more experience working together. I wanted you guys to see what a cohesive team looks like.”

“Shoulda known this was more of your teamwork crap,” Naruto muttered, crossing his arms.

Sasuke looked unconvinced, and even Tenten looked doubtful. I knew Neji wasn’t exactly a team player at this point, but he couldn’t have been too bad after a year with Gai, right?

“Gai, this is Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto,” I said, pointing at them in order. “They’re obnoxious brats but they shouldn’t be too much trouble.”

Naruto’s yelp was drowned out by Gai’s booming laughter. “Your students have so much energy! Lee, Tenten, Neji! Introduce yourselves!”

“Yes, Gai-sensei! I am Rock Lee! I am thirteen years old! My specialty is taijutsu! It is nice to meet you!” Rock Lee struck a familiar pose.

“He already introduced us, Lee,” Neji said.

Tenten shrugged at her teammates; she’d probably heard similar exchanges hundreds of times. “I’m Tenten. He’s Neji.”

Sakura glanced up at me. She raised an eyebrow. “Sensei, what did you want us to learn from them again?” she asked, pointed in a way that suggested she’d been spending too much time with Sasuke.

“Um. Uh, well, you’ll see,” I said, rubbing the back of my head.

A sleepy-looking Izumo and Kotetsu (it was a wonder I remembered their names) waved us off at the gate.

Konoha nin naturally took to the trees to travel - even genin. I had had minimal practice in between learning all the other Academy-level skills I was expected to have already mastered, but I was still lagging behind. Fortunately, I still had other Ise’s stamina and speed; it was just the time it took to target the next branch and calculate how much chakra I needed to reach it that slowed me down. It was second nature to the others, but I had to do it consciously.

I almost missed twice before Gai fell back to my side with a concerned frown. “Did you hurt your ankle?” he asked.

“You’re still hurt?” Sakura asked, looking over with wide eyes.

“You were hurt?” Gai exclaimed.

Enviably, they could keep running while carrying a conversation. As much as I wanted to deny being injured, it was a certainly convenient excuse. “Just a training accident,” I said. “Aoba, uh, miscalculated a jutsu.”

I felt Gai’s disapproval before he said anything. “You didn’t tell me.”

“It’s not a big deal,” I said, feeling guilty even though I hadn’t technically lied.

“I will carry you after all,” Gai decided.

“Wai - “ Before I could get a whole word out, Gai grabbed me bodily and threw me over his shoulder like a sack. “ - oof! Gai!”

“It would be bad if you worsened your injury by straining it,” he explained. His hand was placed on my lower back to keep me steady. “You should rest and recover while we are still near Konoha so you can be prepared when we enter the Land of Wind.”

The fact that his reasoning was rationally sound did nothing to alleviate being carried as a grown man. “Your shoulder is hurting my stomach,” I complained.

“Think you can climb onto my back?” Gai asked.

I looked at the blur of branches right above our heads as we passed. They were ominously close. “I’d probably die,” I said.

He made a quiet 'hm’ sound, which I felt more than heard, and then he pulled me into his arms and tucked his left arm under my knees. In one fluid movement, he had me in a bridal carry. His other arm looped around my waist. I had to cling to him or risk falling off.

“ _his is way worse_ ,” I hissed into his ear, but Gai only laughed more.

“Gai-sensei! You and Ise-san are true friends!” Lee cried, moved to tears. He had pulled out a notepad from somewhere and was dutifully scribbling in it. While he was running. Fucking show off.

For their part, Tenten and Neji did an admirable job ignoring anything was happening at all. My own students had clumped together, their quiet conversation incomprehensible at this distance. I didn’t need to hear them to understand the occasional weirded out glances they shot me though.

More than ever I was thankful Aoba wasn't here to tease me.

It wasn’t as bumpy of a ride as I’d expected. It certainly wasn’t smooth, but Gai leapt so seamlessly from tree to tree I could hardly distinguish it from running on land. His foot barely skimmed the top of one branch before he was on to the next.

I didn’t want to make any sudden struggle that might distract him and make him miss his footing, so I settled in for a long trip.

Drifting in and out of consciousness, I dozed for a while without quite falling asleep. Back on Earth, I had mastered the art of sleeping while travelling, no matter how many hours of sleep I’d gotten the night before. Frustratingly, that ability hadn’t transferred over. Even when I closed my eyes, I kept thinking about Suna and what else might go wrong - and I was sure something would. I felt it, somehow. Deadly intent. I just couldn’t figure out where it was coming from.

When we stopped for lunch, the sun was high in the sky.

“We made good distance,” Tenten said, filling up her water canteen in a nearby stream. “Should cross the border before noon tomorrow.”

“Eurgh.” Naruto slumped against a tree. “This sucks! Are we just gonna run three days there, drop something off, and run back?”

“If all goes well, yes,” I said. “Don’t lower your guard just because it sound easy.”

Naruto crossed his arms. “Even training would be better than this,” he muttered. “I’ve almost got a cut…”

“A cut?” Lee echoed. “What kind of training?”

“We’re learning recombination! I have wind affinity, so Aoba-sensei’s teaching me a cool wind jutsu! I just gotta cut this leaf first,” Naruto said.

“It’s called recomposition, Naruto!” Sakura said, delivering a sharp jab to Naruto’s side. “You’re embarrassing Ise-sensei!”

“Oh, Nature Transformation already?” Gai asked. “As expected of Ise’s students, far beyond their peers!”

Sakura blushed. It was good seeing them get over the initial _what the fuck?_ reaction to Gai. “It’s not like we’ve done that much…” she hedged.

“Nonsense! Nature Transformation is usually chuunin-level!” Gai whipped around and pointed to me. “Ise! Could it be you’re planning to enter them in the Chuunin Exams as well?”

I had thought about it before… I knew Orochimaru would attempt his takeover and mark Sasuke during the Exam, but they’d also been forced to make a lot of choices crucial to their development into great ninja there too. Besides, we were just about to walk into Orochimaru’s lair anyway, so it wasn’t like I was trying particularly hard to keep Sasuke away from him.

“I haven’t decided,” I said honestly, surveying my team. Naruto and Sakura looked a little disappointed with a glimmer of defiance, and Sasuke was staring at me like I’d handed him a particularly complex challenge. “There are a few things I’d like them to learn before I nominate them, but we’ll have to see how they handle this mission first.”

“I’m definitely gonna cut this leaf before we get back!” Naruto announced, snatching a leaf off the ground.

“We have a mission to get to,” said Neji. Both Naruto and Sakura widened their eyes, like they hadn’t known he could speak. “We don’t have time for you to waste messing around.”

“ _Waste_?” Naruto cried at the same time Sakura said, “ _Messing around_?”

Neji, it turned out, was quite talkative as long as he was putting someone else down. I didn’t remember this part of him, though perhaps I was remembering him through rose-colored glasses. He got pretty badass real quick in Shippuden.

“The only person on your team worth promoting is the Uchiha,” Neji said. “If you want to disappoint yourself, don’t do it on my time.”

“Now, now, Neji,” Gai said. I grabbed the back of Naruto’s collar just as he lunged for Neji; a demonic gleam entered Sakura’s eyes and I grabbed her collar too, just in case. “You’re being disrespectful. These missions are about improving yourself just as much as completing the objective.”

After meeting Gai’s stare for a few seconds, Neji backed down. He looked away, his pale eyes landing on me. “Whatever,” he said with all the melodrama of a teenager. “I don’t care anymore.”

It wasn’t quite an apology, but it was surprising enough that it counted as one.

“I bet you can’t cut a leaf with just your chakra!” Naruto exploded, but Neji ignored him, stalking away.

“I see you have your hands full too,” I said.

Gai laughed sheepishly. “Neji should not have said that, but he means well.”

“Besides, he’s probably right if you let that much get you down,” Tenten added, sizing Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke up one by one.

Visibly unsure whether to take offense, Sakura asked, “What do you mean?”

“People are always gonna look down on you,” said Tenten, shrugging. “You’re never gonna make it if you stake your worth as a ninja on what they say.”

Gai sniffled. “Tenten… You’ve grown into a truly mature kunoichi! I’m so proud of you!”

She calmly sidestepped him when he tried to go in for a hug.

“I don’t care what anyone says,” Sasuke said.

“Easy for you to say, bastard!” Naruto shouted. “You talk just like him!”

Since no one seemed on the verge of assaulting anyone anymore, I let go of Naruto and Sakura. “Calm down, kids. As enlightening as all this is, we’re straying from the point of this mission. We’re here to learn from each other.”

“Are you going to make us spar them?” Sakura asked.

Not a bad idea, I thought. Of course, none of my kids stood a chance against Gai’s team at this point, but losing might provide more motivation. Neji’s insults certainly had.

“I’m not fighting them,” Neji said. Before anyone could jump in, he added, “We need to eat lunch too. Ise-san and I will go hunt something.”

“Neji…” Gai started.

“It’s fine,” I said. “Neji’s right; this is more efficient. Three versus two isn’t bad for opponents who have a year more experience.”

“Then it’s settled.” Without pausing, Neji walked away.

“Sensei,” Naruto growled, offended on my behalf.

“Pay attention to how Lee and Tenten fight,” I said. “It’s a rare opportunity to see how you hold up against people who have had a year to learn each other’s styles.”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Sensei, are you going to talk to him like…?” Sakura asked hesitantly. I caught a glimpse of a blush around her ears.

“I’ll try, but…” I didn’t think anything would sway Neji’s mindset so much as a good uppercut to the jaw. “Gai! Look over my kids, all right?”

“You can count on me, Ise!” was the jubilant response. He had recovered quickly from Neji’s attitude, though it was a tossup over whether that said more about his endurance or the frequency Neji caused scenes likes this.

I had to jog to catch up to Neji, who hadn’t slowed down at all. Now that the other kids were Gai’s responsibility, I had to confront the issue that I’d never hunted before in my life. Luckily, Neji seemed content on his own, scanning the ground for tracks.

We continued in silence for enough time I was actually getting worried about how far we were going. I had forgotten the feeling from that morning, that sharp animosity, but now it returned full-force. Neji stopped walking.

“What is this?” I said, resisting the urge to step back. A fully-fledged jounin sensei would not be intimidated by a genin, Hyuuga prodigy or not.

“Fight me,” he said.

Sasuke had attacked me the first day of training, and I would have been a lot more amused about their similarities if I hadn’t been so acutely aware I wasn’t qualified to fight either of them. “Is that why you singled me out?” I asked. “You wanted to test me?”

Neji turned around and I was staring into the terrifying eyes of the Byakugan. Neither the anime or the manga did them justice; the veins around his eyes bulged, inhumanly prominent. It almost looked painful.

“For some reason, Gai-sensei trusts you,” Neji said, “but he can’t see your chakra like I can. You weren’t injured earlier; you just can’t run on trees.”

I had a lot of thoughts at once, but they all boiled down to: _fuck_.

Now would be a really great time for other Ise’s reflexes to kick in.

“You aren’t from Konoha,” Neji said with finality. “Are you a spy? Is getting us to Suna part of your mission?”

“I’m not a spy,” I blurted out. Really, that was one of the worst conclusions he could have drawn. Was _I actually come from another world where this world is a manga also you’re gonna die young protecting the cousin you hate_ better?

“We’ll see,” he said and then attacked.

He was fast, much faster than my students, but I still attempted to block. Instead of punching, he lightly tapped a spot in my forearm with the point of his hand. I remembered his Gentle Fist thing just as my right arm went dead.

If blocking wasn’t an option, I just had to dodge. It was easier said than done; I knew other Ise must have been faster than Neji, but I just lacked the grace of someone who had been doing this almost his whole life.

I ducked below another strike aimed towards my good arm and received a kick in the chest for my efforts. The sheer power behind the kick launched me backwards. He was upon me before I could recover, delivering a hit to my stomach.

It wasn’t any harder than his other strikes, but a sudden burst of pain took me off guard. I couldn’t believe how much that small touch had hurt. My vision blurred with the strain of just standing up.

Neji had the sharp blade of a kunai at my throat for a second before he withdrew, brows knit with confusion.

“You aren’t a jounin,” he said flatly. “You aren’t a _ninja_.”

“Well, you aren’t wrong.” _God_. My voice came out in a croak. Even I could tell I sounded terrible. It hurt too much to stay standing, so I sat down, easing myself to the ground with my good arm. “Guess I can’t fool the Hyuuga clan. Heh. Fucking ow.”

“Who are you?”

“My name actually is Ise, but… I have amnesia. My friend was trying out a sealing jutsu but it accidentally sealed all my memories. I’ve just been trying to get by,” I said. The more I talked, the easier it got, though it wasn’t like the pain receded.

“That’s the lie you expect me to believe?” Neji asked, eyebrow raised. At least his Byakugan was gone. I must’ve looked really pathetic.

“Trust me, if I was lying, I’d have chosen something else.”

He considered that. While his suspicion didn’t vanish, he relaxed. “Your chakra system is developed,” he said thoughtfully. “It’s like...you don’t know how to use it.”

“Bingo. You win the prize.” I groaned.

“You wouldn’t have gotten hurt if you just told the truth in the first place,” Neji said. His face changed as he realized something else. “You didn’t tell Gai-sensei.”

“No… He doesn’t seem like the kind of person who can keep a secret,” I said. “And… I know he and I were close, before. He’d think it was his fault. I didn’t want to make him upset.”

“By keeping it a secret, you put everyone around you in danger,” Neji pointed out rather ruthlessly. “You’re putting your students in danger.”

“I know…” Now that I was actually talking it out with another person, it sounded horrifically selfish. “That’s the real reason I asked your team to accompany us. To protect them. Since I...can’t.”

Neji crouched so we were on eye-level. “You won’t be able to move your arm for a few hours,” he said like the doctor diagnosing a wound instead of the person who’d inflicted it. “Can you walk?”

“I don’t think so.”

He tilted his head, looking me up and down. “You aren’t too much taller,” he decided. “I’ll carry you back.”

Carried by Gai and a thirteen-year-old in the same day… At this point, I was pretty sure my pride was nonexistent, so I said, “All right.”

Sakura was the first to spot us when we got back, dropping her shaky stance with a loud cry of, “Ise-sensei!”

Lee, mid-attack, stiffened after he realized she’d gotten distracted and wouldn’t be dodging. Her cry had drawn everyone else’s attention too, but a quick-thinking Tenten summoned a chain from one of her scrolls and used it to yank Lee away.

“Never turn your back to your enemy, Sakura,” I said weakly.

“Ise-sensei! Did Neji hunt _you_?” Naruto yelled, running up.

“Were you attacked?” Gai asked. “I didn’t sense anything.”

“Just a training accident,” Neji said, completely straight-faced. I choked on a laugh and very quickly regretted it.

No one else seemed to find it quite as funny. Narrowing his eyes, Sasuke repeated, “Training?”

“I wanted to fight Ise-san,” Neji explained.

“It was my fault,” I said. “I - underestimated him. I won’t be doing that again.”

“You beat Ise-sensei?” Naruto gaped. Sasuke’s expression went from ‘suspicion’ to ‘pissed.’

“Neji, sparring or not, it is not acceptable to raise your hand against a fellow Konoha ninja like you would an enemy,” Gai said, uncharacteristically stern.

“I understand.” Neji let me down, and I staggered back a few steps before steadying myself. When I looked back at Neji, he had his head bowed. “Please accept my apologies.”

Everyone’s shock was enough of an opening for me to to get Neji off the hook. I raised my hand. “Really, guys, I’ll be fine. How did the battle go?”

“Sensei… Please re-evaluate your priorities,” Sakura said.

“What do you mean?” I beamed at her. It may have been slightly undermined by the fact I couldn’t stand straight. “My first priority is always my cute little students.”

All three of them recoiled with identical expressions of disgust.

“Actually, if Ise-sensei’s all right, the next problem is that they were supposed to bring back food and they didn’t,” Tenten said. Both she and Lee had hung back to avoid crowding me, but now that the lecture was over they walked up.

“Now that you mention it, I am hungry,” Naruto said.

“Ugh, Naruto. How can you be worried about your stomach at a time like this?” Sakura huffed.

I put a hand on both their heads. “Sakura. Really. I’m hungry too.”

“Lee, Tenten,” Gai said. “Let’s catch some fish. Neji, set up Ise’s bedroll so he can rest.”

Neji had only just set up my bedroll when my team took up stations around me, shuffling me over before Neji could offer to help. He stepped back, expression carefully blank as they lowered me to the ground.

“Tell me about your fight,” I said when they’d deemed me settled and sat back.

“A one-track mind! Seriously, Sensei,” Sakura said.

They were dirty and battered, but not actually hurt, so I could safely assume Tenten and Lee had gone easy on them. Even Sasuke had his fair share of bruises.

“Bushy Brows is actually really strong,” Naruto said, scratching his head. “I totally wouldn’t have guessed! And Tenten uses all kinds of neat weapons!”

“She’s a ranged fighter, so she hung back while Lee attacked up close. She was tricky to deal with because she had a lot of attacks that could hit multiple targets,” Sakura said.

“Mhm.” My eyes had drifted closed listening to them speak, and I opened them again when a third voice failed to chime in. “Is that all? Sasuke?”

His eyes were dark and unblinking. “You let that guy beat you.”

“‘Let’ is...not the right word,” I said. “He caught me off guard. I paid for it.”

“Is he stronger than you?” Sasuke asked.

I averted my gaze, looking straight up at the sky. “Maybe…”

“But you’re a jounin, aren’t you?” Naruto said. “He’s only a genin.”

“There’s never a point someone becomes invincible,” I said. “And a loss isn’t shameful. It’s just a reminder to keep getting stronger.”

They didn’t look placated, Sasuke least of all. But I understood. In their eyes, I had been defeated. I was no longer infallible. And actions spoke louder than words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just popping in to say thanks again to everyone who left a comment! i don't always write a reply but i appreciate all of them


	6. Ise Sees More Blood Than He Is Comfortable With

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ise proves he is a worse parent than a thirteen-year-old, gets caught in his web of lies, and finally finds a lead for his seal (or the lead finds him).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: menstruation, minor cissexist language, and actual violence

Gai ended up carrying me for the next two days. He had gotten it in his head that his student had hurt me, and therefore it was his responsibility. After waking up the second day and immediately vomiting blood, I let him.

“It’s probably internal bleeding,” he said. “We’ll need to see a medic in Suna.”

I hadn’t vomited since I was a kid, so I just nodded.

The Land of Wind was the kind of place that made me wonder how it sustained life at all, much less an entire Hidden Village. The sky was yellow with all the sand particles in the air. “This can’t be good for your lungs,” I mumbled into Gai’s shoulder, which I was using as a makeshift filter. No wonder so many sand nin wore face veils.

Uneasy without the cover of trees overhead, we set up camp in a small cave when night fell.

“We’ll be in Suna tomorrow,” Gai said, “but until then water will be scarce. Conserve your canteens.”

Sasuke and Tenten caught a couple large reptiles for food, which Gai and Lee made a contest into cooking. They got a little too riled up and I put my foot down when it came to their usual evening exercises.

“Absolutely not. You know we don’t have access to water.”

“But…!” They didn’t actually have an argument and seemed more flustered about what to do with their spare time. Their pacing was stressing me out, so I sent them outside to gather more kindling. Naruto started pouting too when he couldn’t find a leaf to practice with.

“Idiot. Should’ve grabbed a few when we were still in the Land of Fire,” said Sasuke. He had already successfully cooked an egg to my specifications (it was delicious); of course, he could already use his clan fire jutsus so the exercise had only tested his control. Sakura and Naruto were starting from scratch, though the former was farther along. There were rocks everywhere in Wind Country, and she settled near the fire with one.

“”It’s not fair!” Naruto whined. He perked up when Sakura sat next to him. “Do you think I could do it with a rock?”

“Why don’t you try?” Tenten said, probably to get him to shut up. She eyed Neji, standing alone at the cave entrance, while she sat down before deciding he was a lost cause. “Elemental transformation, huh? Sounds neat.”

“What affinity are you, Tenten-san?” Sakura asked, looking up from her rock.

“I’m Wind.”

“Ooh! Just like me!” Naruto said.

“Yeah, but I’m not really interested in learning elemental ninjutsu.” Tenten shrugged. “I’d love to fight you guys after you learn it though.”

“What about Lee-san and Neji-san?” Sakura set her rock down and turned her full attention to the conversation.

“Well, Gai-sensei and Lee can’t really do ninjutsu or genjutsu, so we’ve focused most of our training on physical combat and building our effectiveness as a team,” Tenten said.

Naruto made a weird face. “Wait, do _all_ the senseis do the teamwork thing?”

“Teamwork thing?” she echoed.

“Sensei can’t go one whole day without lecturing us on getting along and working together!”

“It’s an important part of the Will of Fire,” I said mildly. “I can’t be doing it too often since it hasn’t gotten through your thick skulls yet.”

Tenten grinned. “Oh, yeah. For our genin test, we had to fight Gai together… It’s not like he expected us to win, but we had to overcome our differences to show how committed we were.”

Both Naruto and Sakura gave her the same dead-inside expression. “Ise-sensei made us climb up the Hokage mountain. While handcuffed together,” Sakura said.

“Not just our hands! Our feet too!” Naruto exclaimed. “Anyone who looked up could see us!”

“Ahaha! Did I do that?” I asked.

“Yes!”

Gai and Lee announced their return with booming laughter. “We have successfully obtained the kindling, Ise!” Gai called. Both their arms were filled with little twigs and long grasses; I didn’t know where they’d gotten them because I hadn’t seen any sticks or grasses during the day.

“Don’t you dare move, Sensei,” Sakura said. “I’ll get them.”

She stood up and moved to retrieve the kindling. Naruto sat up straighter, squinting at her as she left. It took me a second to realize he was fixated on her butt.

“Naruto…” I said. “At least be a little more subtle...”

“What?” Naruto flushed. “That’s not what - I wasn’t!” His voice reverberated around the cave.

“Wasn’t what?” Sakura asked.

“You’re _bleeding_ ,” Naruto said, distressed. “Turn around.”

Frowning, Sakura checked the back of her dress. It was a little hard to make out in the poor lighting, especially against the red of her dress, but there was a medium-sized dark stain right at the seat of her dress.

I realized what it was at the same time Naruto asked, “Did you get hurt or something?”

“O-oh no,” Sakura muttered, looking at me with wide eyes.

Why was this my life? “Don’t worry,” I said. “Do we have a, uh…” Did the _Naruto_ -verse have pads and tampons? What did people use before those? Cloths? Did they just throw them away afterward?

Tenten took pity on us. “Is it your first time?” she asked Sakura, who nodded.

“Your first time what?” Lee said. Gai caught on before him.

“Ohoh! Lee! It seems Sakura has reached another important milestone, the wonderful springtime of a girl’s youth!” he cried.

Sakura turned red, and Tenten’s expression darkened. I buried my face in my hands.

“Wh - really?” I could tell from Lee’s face he hadn’t quite understood, but Gai’s exuberance propelled him on. He smiled, giving Sakura a hesitant thumbs-up. “Congratulations, Sakura! What did you do?”

“ _Lee_ ,” Neji hissed from the entryway.

The truth was slowly dawning on Naruto too, and his expression changed from concern to horror the exact moment he realized. Beside him, Sasuke was actually blushing. Sasuke. Blushing.

“Lee! It’s her _period_ ,” Naruto said in a hushed, but still too loud voice.

Lee froze.

“Nonsense! It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Sakura!” Gai said. “Truly the moment a girl turns into a woman. A symbol of the circle of life!

Even though he was clearly mortified, Lee put up a valiant effort to hide it. “Th-that’s great, Sakura!”

Neji forsook all of us, adopting a neutral expression not unlike what someone would wear at a particularly uninteresting dinner party.

“It’s just blood. Nothing we haven’t seen before,” Sasuke said, which would have been a lot more convincing if his voice hadn’t cracked.

“Oh, I’ll show all of you guys blood,” Tenten threatened, withdrawing several kunai that glinted in the light of the fire. Within a minute, she had all the guys (sans Neji, who was still pretending nothing at all was happening, and me, confined to my bedroll) kneeling in the corner. “Sit there and be quiet. Especially you, sensei.”

After the whole fiasco, Sakura was much more embarrassed than she had been initially.

Tenten sighed. “Look, this is normal. You learned about this in kunoichi class, right?”

“Y-yes, but I didn’t bring any rags…”

“I’ll lend you some. Mine ended two weeks ago but I always carry some just in case. You should start doing that too.” Tenten rummaged through her pack. “You can wash the blood out easily when it’s fresh, but since we probably won’t find any running water until we get to Suna, we’re just going to replace the rags for now.”

“What about my clothes?” Sakura asked.

Tenten examined the stain. “It’s not too bad… Your shorts are black so you can keep wearing those, but maybe change into your spare dress.”

Her clinical explanations helped calm the rest of the group down as well, and by the time she banished everyone else so Sakura could change, they had settled down and begun talking about other stuff.

“Ise-sensei, you just stay there and close your eyes,” Sakura said.

“Yeah, yeah.” I did so.

“Really,” Tenten huffed. “They’re so immature. It wasn’t a big deal until they made it one.”

“I’ll make sure never to get on your bad side,” I said.

Tenten grinned, a feral sliver of teeth. “Don’t you forget it.”

...

Under Tenten’s iron fist, we made it to Suna without another incident. The first thing we did after presenting our paperwork to the guards at the front gate was hunt down a medic-nin.

She confirmed Neji’s Gentle Fist had damaged some of my internal organs. “You need to be more careful training,” she scolded. “A little more power and you could rupture something. He could have bled out before you could get help.”

I had reservations about a Suna nin poking around me, but it turned out money was money, and future invasion plans aside, she had no qualms healing me. Back on my feet for the first time in two days, I sighed in relief.

“You’re not carrying me back,” I told Gai.

He laughed. “Then don’t get hurt again!”

Ugh. Fair.

The actual delivery part of the mission was underwhelmingly straightforward. We dropped the package off. In Wave, Tazuna’s family had invited Team 7 into their house, but our group was a little too large to impose one a single family. We booked some rooms at an inn. My impulse was to share with Gai, pair the girls together, and then have Neji and Lee together and Sasuke and Naruto. Then I thought about that arrangement for more than two seconds and realized that if we wanted to leave the rooms intact, Gai would probably have to room with Neji, and I would take Sasuke, leaving Lee and Naruto together.

“Sensei! I wanna take a look around,” Sakura announced, eyes gleaming. “I’ve never been outside the village before.”

“Suna’s weapons are different from anything I can find back home,” Tenten said. “I’m gonna check out the market. Want to come with?”

“Me too!” said Naruto.

His enthusiasm attracted the attention of Lee, but after ascertaining the kinds of stores Tenten wanted to visit, he respectfully declined. “I’ve skipped too many days of training,” he admitted. “To make up for it, I must run 800 laps around Suna!”

Tears sprung up in Gai’s eyes. “Lee… Your commitment to training is a sublime example to your peers. Neji! Join us!”

“I think I’ll stay with Ise-san,” Neji said calmly. “Just in case he gets into another accident.”

He was a brat, but damn if he wasn’t a crafty one.

I wasn’t excited to be splitting up in this village, but it would be too difficult to explain why. “Sasuke, would you like to come with us?”

Sasuke wrinkled his nose, shooting a quick glance out the window where the Suna sun beat relentlessly against the clay pathways. He probably regretted his dark, broody outfit now.

“Geez, just come already,” Naruto said.

“I don’t want anyone going anywhere alone here.” At Gai’s questioning look, I said, “Just a bad feeling.”

He nodded like that was acceptable logic, and a second after, Sasuke donned his unaffected persona and strolled past us toward the door. “Are you coming or not, idiot?” he drawled.

By now, insults had practically become terms of endearment between the two, and Naruto didn’t even bat an eye.

“We were waiting on _you_ , bastard.”

I may have been overestimating my abilities thinking I could keep an eye on five children at once. Tenten’s sharp eye immediately snagged on a stall selling fans, and she hooked her arm around Sakura’s and ran off. At the same time, Naruto turned up his nose like a tracking dog.

“I smell...ramen?”

“Naruto - “ I said, and then he was off like a bullet. Shuriken. Like something fast.

Even if it was only a mental slip, I didn’t want to get too lax and say something like that out loud.

“I’ll go after Tenten,” Neji said, appearing at my side. He wasn’t spewing his predestination crap nonstop like in the manga, but I guess he still wasn’t Naruto’s biggest fan.

“I don’t want you guys going off alone,” I tried, but Neji fixed me with such an unimpressed stare, my protests died in my throat. He wouldn’t stand a chance if he ran into Orochimaru - or even Gaara - but neither would I. “Yeah, O.K. Thanks.”

Without another word, he vanished into the crowd too.

“So we’re going after the moron?” Sasuke asked.

“Yeah. Hope you’re hungry.”

Ramen turned into a nine-stop food trek all across Suna, Naruto at the helm and Sasuke tagging along like a hostage.

“If you keep eating, we’re going to have to roll you back to Konoha,” he sniped.

“We can get Gai and Lee to compete carrying him,” I said.

They both stopped, exchanged glances, and then kept walking.

“What?” I asked when neither of them replied.

“Nothing.” Naruto huffed in that preadolescent way that suggested it was not, in fact, nothing. They bumped shoulders, and I caught a glimpse of a warning in Sasuke’s eyes. Naruto shuffled his feet, jamming his hands into his pockets.

I dropped a hand on both of their heads. “Man, my cute genin are going through a rebellious phase.”

Naruto yelped, wiggling away. “Sensei! Stop!”

“Nope! Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

“O.K., fine! It’s just…” Naruto made a face and crossed his arms, casting Sasuke another glance. The other boy just looked ahead. “You’re _our_ sensei, right? Then why are you spending so much time with _them_? You went off with that Hyuuga bastard instead of watching our training and then you let weird Fuzzy Brow sensei carry you…”

Restless, Naruto uncrossed his arms and put them behind his neck. I let both of them go, stopping by the side of the street so we weren’t in anyone’s way. “I see. Hm, I can understand why you’d feel jealous.”

He squawked. “Jealous? Who’s jealous?”

“Do you feel the same, Sasuke?” I said.

The corner of Sasuke’s mouth twitched downward, like he was annoyed he had to answer at all. “I don’t care what you do,” he said.

“Sasuke!” Naruto hissed. “He’s just butthurt, Sensei.”

“It’s all right, Naruto. I probably haven’t been a good sensei to you three lately…” Or ever, I thought. “Do you understand why I wanted you guys to go on this mission with Gai’s team?”

“Uh, yeah, you said it was a teamwork thing,” said Naruto. “I don’t really get it though. Neji always goes off on his own… Oh! Is it a lesson for Sasuke?”

That got him a glare. “No, idiot, it’s because he doesn’t think we can handle a C-rank by ourselves,” Sasuke said, scowling.

“That’s definitely not it,” I said - truthful, for once. It wasn’t _them_ that I thought couldn’t handle it. “I trust you guys. And I know you guys look out for each other too. I’m sorry I made you think otherwise.”

“You always go off on your own when we train!” Naruto said.

“I don’t want you to rely on me - “

Sasuke’s eyes flashed. Unlike Neji’s they were pitch black, but in that moment they were just as cutting. “You’re dodging the subject.”

“Yeah! You always say teamwork, teamwork, but you’re part of our team too, Sensei!” Naruto exclaimed.

He grinned up at me, his entire face lighting up. I expected some form of denial or rebuke from Sasuke, but he just shook his head. “We’re taking initiative now,” he said. “Teach us.”

It was cruelly sweet. As much as I really didn’t need them to grow attached to me, of course they would latch on to the person responsible for shaping their ninja careers. I’d wanted to become that person, but I was out of time. “Of course,” I said. “You’re right… I’m going to nominate you three for the Chuunin Exams. When we get back to Konoha, we’re going to start training for real.”

“Really?” Naruto whooped. “All right! After I make chuunin, I’m never gonna do another D-rank again!”

Sasuke looked grimly satisfied. I couldn’t help but feel cold watching them; Sasuke may have lacked Naruto’s sheer enthusiasm, but there was still something expectant about him. He believed in me, that I had the ability to make him stronger.

“Maybe Sakura’s already back at the inn,” Naruto was saying. “We need to hurry back and tell her!”

It was getting late, the afternoon heat disintegrating into the desert night. The sky had been darkening for the last three stalls Naruto had dragged us to.

“This way should be faster,” Sasuke said, directing us off the main road into an alley.

My guard was down, preoccupied with the hollow gnaw in my stomach, and I didn’t notice the three masked men until they stepped out in front of us. The tall one up front leered, oozing killing intent as he raised a kunai toward us. I couldn’t tell whether they were just street thugs or someone’s henchmen, but they weren’t wearing forehead protectors.

“Naruto, Sasuke - “ I said before halting. Instinctively, I wanted them to get behind me, but why? I wouldn’t be much help. The most I could do was offer an extra body for protection. “On my count, get ready to run.”

“We can take ‘em, Sensei!” said Naruto.

It was a possibility, but one I wasn’t willing to risk if I didn’t have to. “Absolutely not.”

“You just said you trusted us,” said Sasuke.

 _I say a lot of things I don’t mean_. “You may engage if necessary,” I said through gritted teeth. “Our top priority is getting back safely.”

The tall one stepped closer, his cold gaze sizing each of us up. “Keep the Uchiha alive. You can kill the other brat and the ginger,” he told the others.

“Shit! Both of you, get back to the main road!” I said, grabbing two shuriken and throwing them. I ignored the sharp pain as they cut my fingers too.

“Sensei - “

“That’s a fucking order!”

They took off, and I brought my arm up to block a kick from one of the ninja. The second one took advantage of my distraction to pursue Naruto and Sasuke, but I couldn’t afford to look away. I aimed a kick of my own at his head, which he ducked away from.

“Orochimaru’s goons?” I spat, producing a kunai.

He showed me his teeth, a gross mimicry of a grin. “It won’t matter to you,” he said.

I tried to parry a slash from his kunai, but it turned out that level of precision was much more difficult than how it looked in the manga. He tore through the sleeve of my shirt, cutting a shallow red line down my forearm. Taking advantage of his proximity, I grabbed his wrist. The pain tripled as the kunai dug deeper into my arm, but I yanked him in and slammed my forehead against the top of his head.

My Konoha forehead protector probably saved me from a concussion, but without that protection the man cursed and staggered back, spitting blood from where he’d bit his own tongue.

“I changed my mind,” he said. “I’m going to enjoy cutting that pretty face off.”

I was vaguely aware of the third ninja skulking around, a creeping presence behind me. Taking on one enemy with only Academy-level jutsu was tricky enough, but I knew I didn’t stand a chance with two. “Yeah?” I said with a bravado I didn’t feel. “Your master’s got a reputation with pretty faces too. Does he let you jack off over his leftovers?”

A vein bulged in the man’s forehead before his training took over again and he plastered on a blank expression. “You’ll regret that,” he said, lunging for an attack.

I managed to slip out of the way, my hands coming together to form the proper sequence of hand seals when I felt the third man finally charged at me. The deep cut in my arm flared with pain, and my fingers stuttered and messed up a transition. The third man slammed me into the wall and leaped away. Dazedly, I noticed they weren’t using any jutsu, which would have put me out of commission very quickly. They didn’t want to draw attention to themselves. I hoped that gave Naruto and Sasuke an edge over their pursuer.

“Konoha jounin really are jokes,” said the third one. It hurt to lift my head enough to see higher than their feet, but I could still distinguish them by the feel of their chakra.

“Let me take this one.” The first one stepped closer and kicked my knees in, sending me sprawling against the ground. Sand dug into my palms. I had only a second’s reprieve before he grabbed me by my ponytail and straddled me. He leaned next to my ear and whispered, “Not such a big talker now, are you?”

I couldn’t make any hand seals like this, flat on my stomach. Instead I pulled against his grip, turned my head, and spit. I couldn’t quite get the angle to hit him, my scalp burning in pain, but my sentiments were clear.

He let go of my ponytail and grabbed the back of my neck instead. There was a moment I thought he would break it but he only slammed my face into the dirt - a few times, but I couldn’t count them. Blood trickled down my nose over my lips, but the burn of sand was far worse than a broken nose. Releasing my neck, he ground my cheek against the sand.

To do so, he had to lean forward. This wasn’t something I’d practiced, but I somehow felt the instant he moved away from his center of balance. Half-numb from the pain, I let my body follow through its instinctual motions, throwing him off of me and leaping to my feet.

Night had fallen, but I wasn’t really seeing. I didn’t know if it was hysteria, or if there was blood in my eyes, or if all the village’s lights had winked out at once, but I was moving solely based off their chakra signatures. The first man sprung forward, his chakra spiking irregularly as he attacked.

I dug my heels into the ground, and the hand seals came more fluidly this time. Just before he stabbed me through the chest, I folded my fingers together in the Snake seal and switched places with the third man. Neither of them had a chance to react before kunai met its mark, and the third man dropped.

“Fuck!” the first one screamed, enraged. His chakra signature flickered once, and then changed. It felt like an actual tear in reality, some distortion of logic, warped and foreign and unlike anything I’d ever encountered. My skin broke out in chills trying to decipher what struck me like a scream without any sound. Even in my half-delirium I recognized that I needed to get out of there.

Just as I was gathering my chakra to my feet, preparing to run, someone stabbed me from behind. I didn’t even notice them until the pain registered.

With a twist, they wrenched the kunai out, and I hit the ground.

...

When I opened my eyes again, worried black eyes peered back at me. It took me a full minute to recognize the boy they belonged to. There was blood splattered on his cheek, and his white armbands were completely soaked red.

“Sasuke,” I said, but my mouth was dry and it probably didn’t come out right.

“Sensei.” I might have been imagining it, but I thought I detected something like relief in his voice. “You’re awake.”

We were alone in some kind of room, and as soon as I realized that, I pushed myself up. Every fiber of my being protested vehemently. Sasuke caught me before I fell off the - bed?

“Naruto?”

“He got away,” Sasuke murmured, pushing me upright. “I stayed behind so he could get help.”

Of course he had. Neither of them knew what Orochimaru wanted him for; I hadn’t told them. “Yours?” I asked, touching a speckle of blood on his face with shaky hands. I missed, but Sasuke guessed what I meant.

“No… I bandaged your wound.”

I looked down at myself, perplexed. He had torn some cloth into strips and wrapped them around my shoulder. The bandages had been beige once, but now they were dark red and browning around the edges. I remembered the last few second before I’d blacked out, the kunai pulling out of the wound.

The pain struck me next, and combined with the memory of _literally being stabbed_ , I couldn’t help leaning over and throwing up onto the ground.

When I turned back to Sasuke, his face was impassive. He could’ve been hiding his thoughts, or perhaps ninja were just accustomed to losing bodily fluids. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I said, “How long was I out?”

“I woke up maybe an hour ago… You were already here,” Sasuke replied. “They took our weapons.”

I didn’t need to ask what had happened on his end. In hindsight, I could reasonably assume that the ninja I’d been fighting had activated a cursed seal. If the one that had pursued Sasuke also had a cursed seal, Sasuke wouldn’t have been able to fight back.

There were no windows in the room, and the walls were solid gray, which was unusual for Suna. If we were still in Suna. No, I had to assume we were still in the village. If we had somehow been out long enough to be transported elsewhere, finding our way back to Gai would be near impossible. “An underground bunker, maybe,” I murmured, looking around.

It seemed to be a cell. I was on a thin cot, now stained with blood. In the far corner, there was a bucket I assumed was supposed to be some kind of chamber pot. No sink. No other furniture. I doubted it was meant to be a permanent place to hold prisoners; the door was wooden and the cot wasn’t secured to the floor.

Still, I wasn’t in the greatest shape to be flinging bed frames around, and Sasuke was probably too small. “You can do your clan fire jutsu, right?” I asked him.

He was fixated on the door too. “Now?”

I forced myself to my feet. Luckily, that didn’t strain my shoulder too much. My knees were wobbly, but the knowledge that we needed to leave before someone else showed up kept me upright. “Now,” I said.

He blasted the door off its hinges. The sound brought a guard running down the hall, and I quickly grabbed Sasuke by the sleeve and dragged him the opposite direction. Running hurt a shit ton more than just standing up. We ducked around a corner, and I released him, breathing hard. When the guard rounded it, Sasuke delivered a swift roundhouse kick to the side of his head and a fireball to the face.

“Don’t get overconfident,” I warned. “This guy’s nothing compared to who he works for.”

“You know who these guys are?”

Gingerly, I knelt to rifle through the unconscious guard’s pockets. He had a shuriken holster, which I handed to Sasuke. I wouldn’t be much use with them. “Not these guys specifically, but… Most likely, they’re on orders to hand you over to Orochimaru. He’s one of the Sannin, but he became a missing-nin a long time ago.”

“So he’s strong,” Sasuke said, gaze intent.

“Sasuke. If we run into him, you need to run. Don’t stay behind for anyone.” I stood up and forced him to look at me. “He is a way stronger shinobi than either of us. Promise me.”

Sasuke shrugged my hands off his shoulders. “I know,” he said quietly. “I’m not going to die.”

I let him push me away. “We should go that way,” I said, pointing the way the guard had come. “The guard means they don’t want us going in that direction.”

Sasuke nodded and started walking. I didn’t want him to lead, but frankly his pace was just faster than mine.

We weren’t just in a bunker, but a goddamn underground maze, which fit right in with my perception of Orochimaru’s aesthetic. We came across three more intersections without running into another guard. That was good from a survival standpoint but also meant we had to choose turns at random.

Then the hallway emptied into some kind of common room. Three more ninja without forehead protectors jumped to their feet. I whacked Sasuke across the back. “Run!”

We darted across the room for the next hall, taking advantage of their momentary surprise, but I was a touch slower. The running had jostled my shoulder wound, which was bleeding more heavily in small streams down my arm. As a kunai whizzed past my head, I formed the hand seals for a summoning.

I got past the mouth of the hallway, stopped running, and spun around, slapped my bloody hand on the ground.

Somehow - the urgency in my chakra, the smell of blood in the air, maybe goddamn magic - Mukkuma came out in full battle mode, roaring as she appeared in the hallway. Her bulk nearly blocked the entire thing. One unfortunate ninja had been too close to where she’d spawned, and she grabbed him in a giant paw and ripped him apart with her bare paws. Several of his organs spilled out from the new hole in his stomach, gliding over her blood-reddened fur, but she tossed him aside and seized a new target.

It wasn’t the first death I’d seen in front of me, not even the first that had technically been my fault. But for some reason, this one made me freeze for a second. I could see his entrails. It wasn’t just a death; it was an actual killing. In the past twenty-four hours, I had killed two people. But Sasuke stood a hair’s breadth behind me, a precious life that was mine to save. Personal crises could wait.

Sasuke was looking at me without seeing me, not reacting even when I shoved my face right in front of his. “Sasuke. Sasuke, are you with me?”

No response. He was trembling and pale, a sickly sheen of sweat accumulating on his forehead.

“Sasuke Uchiha. Look at me. It’s just Ise-sensei. You’re with me, and you’re going to be fine. All right? I’m here. I’m going to protect you,” I said slowly, enunciating every syllable.

He let out a shaky exhale, but his mouth thinned with defiance when he came back to himself. “I don’t need you,” he whispered. “I’m a ninja.”

“That’s right,” I said, relieved. Without thinking, I brushed our foreheads together, just enough so that the metal of our forehead protectors clinked when they made contact. My hand reached up to muss with his hair. “We need to move.”

I didn’t have time to dwell on the psychological reasons for why he’d frozen up, though my first guess would have been Itachi and the massacre. As long as he’d gotten over it for the moment, I had to focus on getting him out of here.

Leaving Mukkuma’s destruction behind us, we kept running until Sasuke shouted, “Stairs!”

We clambered up into a large, open room. Unlike the place we’d just come from, the walls were brown and molded from stucco. Windows revealed that we had emerged onto the ground floor. Unusually, the room was empty, devoid of any furniture, but my attention was drawn to the door.

“Hurry, let’s - “ I cut myself off as the door swung open. My heart leapt into my throat when I caught sight of long black hair and that iconic purple rope belt.

Orochimaru’s lips curled into a smirk, and he opened his mouth - to be promptly tackled by a twelve-foot tall black bear summon shooting out from the staircase. Mukkuma roared as several snakes shot out of Orochimaru’s sleeve and clamped on, their teeth trying to pierce her thick fur. After a vicious struggle, he tossed her aside with enough force her body broke right through the wall.

“Stay behind me, Sasuke,” I said as I backed up, making sure to keep my body between his and Orochimaru’s at all times. It felt much less effective without a weapon in my hand.

Orochimaru looked right past me. “As I expected, Sasuke-kun. You’ve gotten this far.”

I’d read the manga instead of watching the anime, and I still doubted they’d done his voice justice. Every single word he spoke felt deliberate, like words were not his natural method of communicating with others. If I focused, I could sense the spark of his killing intent, a tightly wound malignity barely contained by its host.

“You are...Orochimaru?” Sasuke said.

“You’ve heard of me, then. I’m honored.” Orochimaru did not sound honored. He sounded like a predator one wrong blink away from snatching up his prey. “I did not plan on meeting this early, but this is just as well.”

“Sasuke,” I muttered, “I’ll distract him. Break a window and escape.”

Orochimaru’s eyes flicked to mine. “Ah. I will take care of this insect first.”

He raised his arm and snakes shot out of his sleeve again. I had no weapons, Mukkuma was out for the count, and I was in no shape to try dodging, but I only had to survive long enough for Sasuke to get away. Bracing myself, I yelled, “Now, Sasuke! Go!”

Sasuke kicked out the nearest window pane, and then a green blur broke through the ceiling and crushed the snakes just before they reached me.

“Gai,” I breathed, too stunned to comprehend what was happening in front of me.

Gai flashed away, reappearing beside Orochimaru mid-kick and forcing the Sannin on the defensive. They traded blows, neither of them really landing an effective hit, before Orochimaru jumped away and shuffled through a series of hand seals too quickly for me to catch.

A brown dragon burst out of the ground, gaping maw wide open as it dove for Gai. No, I corrected myself as I looked more closely, it was made out of earth. Gai’s skin turned red, veins bulging in his forehead, and he met the dragon head-on with a powerful kick.

“Sensei!” The door slammed open and Naruto burst into the room, followed by the rest of Team Gai, Sakura, and...Sasuke. Of _fucking_ course.

“What are you doing?” I yelled, ducking a clump of clay as Gai shattered Orochimaru’s earth construct. “Get out of here!”

“We aren’t leaving you behind, Sensei!” Naruto yelled back.

“ _Sasuke_. You promised!”

Sasuke tilted his head to indicate he’d heard without taking his eyes off Orochimaru. “That’s what you taught us, right? Two is stronger than one. Four is even stronger than that.”

I would have laughed hysterically if I hadn’t been terrified out of my mind. Nothing I said was going to sway them, and it was _my fault_. They would die and it would be because I made a worse teacher than _Kakashi_.

“Like hell,” I growled, pulling myself to my feet again.

Orochimaru broke away from Gai long enough to summon a large, dark purple snake with golden slitted eyes. It turned its attention to the kids long enough for me to jump on. My shoulder screamed in protest, and the blood made it difficult for my fingers to find purchase, but the snake’s ridged scales helped.

I didn’t have a weapon to stab it with. Its skin was too thick to break through with my teeth from above, but maybe if I managed to get to the underbelly?

The snake did not approve of me catching a ride. It twisted around trying to find me and then lashed out, fangs gleaming, but Neji leapt in its way, repelling it with a swift series of open-handed strikes. He landed lightly on his feet and flicked one glance over his shoulder at me that, somehow, conveyed exactly what he thought of me attempting to fight a battle I couldn’t win.

Tenten jumped into the air after him, her summon scrolls twisting around her like ribbons. I felt a jolt of fear when her collection of sharp weaponry appeared, but her attack was so controlled none of them hit me. Unfortunately, the attack wasn’t strong enough to pierce the snake’s scales, but it was exactly what I’d been waiting for. I snatched up a short sword and drove it into the snake’s side.

With only one hand, I couldn’t hold on for the snake’s retaliating lash, and I hit the wall hard. My ears rung, drowning out the sounds of combat except for Naruto’s battle cry. I forced my eyes open just in time to see him charge the snake. I couldn’t muster up enough air to call him off.

The snake writhed, shrugging off Team Gai’s attempts to hurt it, and zeroed in on Naruto, who summoned five Shadow Clones that quickly disappeared when the snake’s tail slammed into them in succession. It bought enough time for the real Naruto to jump into the air behind the snake’s head and deliver a somersaulting kick to the back of its skull.

But it wasn’t enough to stop a summon from a ninja of Orochimaru’s caliber. The snake twitched in irritation before snatching Naruto out of the air. Its fangs sunk deep into Naruto’s body, and an ocean of red bloomed across his orange jumpsuit.

“Naruto!” It wasn’t a matter of _if_ I could get to my feet again. I _had to_ . Using the wall as a crutch, I forced myself up. Sakura and Sasuke were charging the snake, twin forces of fury, but _it wasn’t going to be enough_.

And then the temperature plummeted. No, a second later I realized it wasn’t cold that I was feeling but the oppressive weight of chakra, more evil than the cursed seal, more than I had felt from Orochimaru.

I understood, then, how an entire village could come to revile a child. There was incomprehensible darkness seeping out of him, a chakra manifestation of hatred older than any human civilization. It cloaked Naruto in sickly orange, bubbling outward like his small body couldn’t contain the power it was supposed to hold inside it.

If Naruto-the-genin-I-was-supposed-to-teach couldn’t defeat Orochimaru’s snake, Naruto-the-jinchuuriki-of-the-Nine-Tails certainly could. The force of his attack didn’t just devastate the snake’s body; the shockwaves from the impact blew back everyone in the room.

Orochimaru lowered his sword - which he must have procured somewhere when I wasn’t watching since he hadn’t been holding it when we’d first seen him. He watched Naruto greedily, but after a moment his eyes still found Sasuke again.

“Looks like my time’s run out,” he said in his strange, stilted way. “A few too many pests to deal with now…”

Then he surged forward, faster than ever, his hands blurred in a sequence of hand seals. His chakra rose up around him like another limb as he sprinted towards -

“No!” I lunged for Sasuke. Even pushing all the chakra I could channel to my feet, I wasn’t going to be fast enough. No, I needed to make it in time. Shit. Orochimaru’s chakra exploded, creating a wall around Sasuke’s prone body, and I felt my hands form the seals before I’d made the decision to.

Tiger. Boar. I couldn’t mess up Ox, didn’t have the time. Dog, and then one more left. I slammed my palms together for Snake. It needed to be fast enough. I needed to make it on time.

And then I blacked out.

...

I woke up in desperate need of air. Wherever I was, it smelled like musty water, heavy and oppressive. I was lying on some kind of metal table. The air stung my nostrils when I struggled to inhale, and for the few seconds it took for me to take in my surroundings, I thought the thick air was the reason I couldn’t breathe.

Then I noticed the giant snake coiled around me, the thickest part of its body just shy of crushing my windpipe. I tensed, memories of the battle resurfacing all at once. This snake was black, though, instead of purple. It was still unnervingly large.

“Awake…” it hissed.

Footsteps, and then Orochimaru himself emerged from the darkness, his lips smiling with subzero delight.

“Well, well,” he said. “Imagine my surprise when I realized I had the wrong body.”

During the fight, I’d been so on-edge I hadn’t gotten a good look at him. His skin was so pallid it appeared purple, washed out by the poor lighting - but not necessarily unattractive, I was annoyed to note. In his pre-Chuunin exam body, his facial features were definitively masculine, with narrow eyes and a strong jawline. My ponytail still got caught when I shut doors too quickly, but his long hair floated around him like an ephemeral funeral veil. And most distinctively, his eyes were gold ichor.

The part of me that was detached from my sense of self-preservation wondered how long he’d been standing there waiting for me to wake up so he could have his dramatic monologue.

“Ise Yamanaka, is it?” Orochimaru said. Unconsciously, I tensed again. It was the reaction he was going for, because he chuckled. “Sasuke-kun’s jounin sensei… and now the Kyuubi jinchuuriki’s as well. Strange students for a taijutsu specialist.”

He was probably insulting me, but I was far more concerned about how much he knew. Of course he’d have spies everywhere, but knowing that was different from having the actual evidence delivered right at my feet. I had questions, but the snake hadn’t relinquished its hold on me.

“Snake,” I tried to say but I couldn’t get a sound out.

“Ah, how rude of us,” Orochimaru said, guessing the problem. “Daija, you may go.”

The snake let out another low hiss but uncoiled. The slide of its scales across my skin brought a new wave of chills down my back. My injuries were gone. I’d been so terrified I hadn’t noticed that I was no longer bleeding.

Well, that did seem likely to change soon. Orochimaru strode up to the table, eyeing me like his prey, which probably wasn’t too far off target. I was no longer bound, but his gaze petrified me.

“Did you think coming here would stop me from taking Sasuke-kun’s body?” Orochimaru traced two lines across my throat, right under my Adam’s apple. His touch was cold. “What if I took you instead? Sasuke-kun’s body won’t be harvestable for another few years… I could eat you right now, hm?”

He extended his tongue - and holy fuck, that was creepy. As an intimidation tactic, it was effective. But he’d also confirmed my suspicions: I’d succeeded. He hadn’t gotten to Sasuke.

“I’d…” I coughed, my throat burning. There were probably bruises. “I’d prefer you not...do that...if it’s all the same to you.”

The tongue retracted. I was reminded of a tape measure, which I probably would have found more amusing if this particular tape measure hadn’t come with fangs and over one hundred ways to kill me without messing up his hair. “You’re quite brazen.”

“I figure there’s not much point begging for my life when you’re unlikely to listen,” I said.

“You aren’t scared?”

I carefully did not tense. “I’m terrified.”

The look he gave me was similar to one a normal scientist might give to a well-performing lab rat. “No fighting? No damning me for my betrayal?” Orochimaru asked. “That’s what I would have expected from a Konoha shinobi.”

“Well. I’m not exactly a conventional Konoha shinobi,” I said. Taking a chance, I carefully pushed myself up so I was sitting. “Ugh. Ow.”

My body seemed to realize it was still in pain at that moment. I clenched my eyes shut with a groan.

“I closed your wound but it isn’t fully healed,” Orochimaru said. I forced myself to open my eyes again. There was no way I was escaping him, but I still wasn’t going to let my guard down as long as he was around.

“Why would you heal me?”

“If people are healthy, I can be more creative with torture,” he said without pause.

I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting, but it probably should have been that. Gritting my teeth, I forced out, “Get on with it then.”

Orochimaru withdrew a kunai and laid the blade right over my heart. Placing his other hand on my chest, he lowered me back onto the examination table. I grimaced. “An unusual specimen,” he said. I half expected him to whip out a clipboard and make notes. “I haven’t even cut you yet.”

“Just kill me or let me go,” I snapped. “Stop drawing it out.”

“Prepared to die, but terrible at coping with pain,” said Orochimaru. “You’re full of contradictions, Ise-kun.”

“O.K., do whatever you want; just don’t call me that again,” I said, shuddering.

Orochimaru let out a breathy noise that might have been another laugh. “Say what you will, but you aren’t afraid of me. I want to know why.”

I knew right away I couldn’t give him that answer - not in its entirety. I was plenty frightened. I was scared of pain, of dying, of torture. Of his stupid snake and freaky tongue. Of what he might do in the future. But not of Orochimaru himself. I knew the reason too, even if it forced me to confront parts of my psyche that I wish had stayed dormant.

I liked him. When I looked at Orochimaru, I didn’t see a murderer and a traitor. I didn’t even see him as he fought Gai or Naruto. I saw him after the epilogue, on amicable terms with Konoha, raising his child to pursue his own path. I saw him healing Tsunade and watching over Sasuke with that uneasy fondness. I saw him as a child kneeling over his parents’ graves.

I saw him as a character.

That wasn’t this Orochimaru in front of me, and I’d messed with the timeline enough that it might never be.

But I still liked him. So I told him that.

“I respect you. I think you’re interesting.” That wasn’t enough, but I was still in enough discomfort that turning my thoughts into words felt muddled. “Not the, uh, evil part. Or the murdering. But...testing your limits. Wanting to be more than you are.” Cutting away parts of yourself that held you back. I didn’t say that last one. I’d have to explain why I knew so much about him. Even now, I was cutting it close.

Orochimaru scrutinized me, trying to fit what I’d said in with his image of Ise Yamanaka. Alternate universes were probably a stretch even for geniuses.

“I remember you,” he said. “Anko used to bully you. An inconsequential member of the branch family. An embarrassment.”

I made a sound that could be construed as agreement, but I obviously had no memory of any of that.

His eyes were bright. “But you didn’t get better. You ran away from it.”

“I wouldn’t know,” I said, and it was like every nerve in my body was on edge. All I could see was the liquid gold of his irises and his slitted pupils. This last secret had settled deep in my gut, heavy as an iron brand and twice as burning. It flared up every time I told another lie.

I could have played Ise better; I’d fooled almost everyone in Konoha. But I wanted to tell someone. Just one. I’d never been able to keep secrets.

No one at home could know. That thought troubled me too, that I was more willing to tell Orochimaru than anyone in Konoha. They might lock me up and interrogate me, but they’d only use it to protect the village. Orochimaru… He might take advantage of the village’s weaknesses for his own nefarious plans. He never succeeded in crushing Konoha, but with my knowledge, who knew?

And yet I still wanted him to be good. Despite everything he’d done, I still wanted his help.

“I...am not the real Ise. Not the one you know,” I said. My mouth formed the words automatically. “I’m from another world. This world’s Ise was messing around with a seal and it brought me here. I need someone to look at it. To undo it.”

The kunai disappeared somewhere within the folds of Orochimaru’s robes, but I stayed lying down, staring straight at the ceiling. “You know a remarkable number of things for someone from a different world.”

“This world is fiction in mine,” I said. “There are differences - I’m here - but I’ve been able to get by.”

He leaned closer, a man unlocking the door to a great trove of treasures. “Tell me,” he commanded.

“Your parents died when you were young. You found a white snake near their grave, and the Sandaime told you about reincarnation. You left Konoha when he chose Minato Namikaze for the Fourth Hokage instead of you. The reason you’re in Suna is you’re planning to assassinate the Kazekage and invade Konoha during the Chuunin Exams.” I paused, but only briefly. Telling someone everything was an incredible rush. I couldn’t stop if I wanted to, not with the hungry expression Orochimaru was wearing. It was too late now. He’d tear the truth out. “You’ll convince Sasuke to abandon the Leaf, but he’ll betray you. You’ll survive, but you’ll choose to watch over him as he forges his own path. After the war, you settle down with your experiments and have a son… You’ll save Tsunade’s life.”

Orochimaru folded his arms, smirking. “It seems I’ve caught something good after all,” he said. From anyone else, I might describe it as a purr, but it was still Orochimaru.

“You believe me? Just like that?” I blinked. Even Aoba and Tonbo still believed I just had amnesia, and the latter had been in my head, however briefly.

“If you were lying, I’d have a massive security leak on my hands for you to know about my plans,” Orochimaru said. “I would never have let something like that escape my attention. Ergo, you must be telling the truth.”

“What are you going to do now?”

“It is obvious now, I suppose. That’s something a real ninja would have considered before telling me delicate information,” Orochimaru said.

“I did consider it. I just.” I frowned. “I’m not good at keeping secrets.”

“Well, you would hardly have to apologize to me,” said Orochimaru. “Show me the seal.”

Sitting up, I shrugged off my flak jacket. “It’s on the back of my neck. Um, my teammate said the seal might also be blocking some of my memories.”

Turning my back to Orochimaru struck me as a terrible decision, but I’d already come this far. Besides Orochimaru had developed the cursed seal. He’d studied and perfected all kinds of jutsu.

I felt his breath on the back of my neck as he examined Aoba’s handiwork. “This…” He sounded displeased.

“Is it bad?” I asked, resisting the urge to look back.

“What exactly was your friend trying to achieve?”

“Uhh… I think he was trying to make a seal that would do the Mind Body Switch,” I recalled. “Because I’m not very good at it.”

Orochimaru touched the back of my neck, and I couldn’t suppress my flinch. He traced the outline of one of the inner circles, muttering under his breath. “There are extra characters here…”

“Oh. We tried to negate the first seal afterward,” I said. “He did something… Not sure what, but nothing happened.”

“I was wondering whether your friend was an idiot or a genius, but it’s likely he just made a couple of mistakes that happened to breach the barrier between worlds. The lines he added are too weak to be effective on a seal of this caliber.”

“Eh, you can tell all that from looking at it?” I asked. Orochimaru pulled away, and I heard his retreating footsteps. Startled, I stood up to follow.

“Don’t move.”

I froze.

Orochimaru returned with a brush and a scroll. “Sit back down.”

When he had me back on the examination table, he began copying the seal with neat black strokes. His expression changed as he worked, from cunning and calculated to intently focused. His long hair kept falling over his face, and he absentmindedly ran his fingers through it. Some lingering wet ink on his fingertips left a thin streak of black across his cheek. Like this, I could almost see how he’d gone from resurrecting the strongest ninja in history to a quaint lab monitored by Konoha.

Maybe it was wishful thinking.

“You aren’t...going to use this to swap more people’s minds, right?” I asked.

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to, Ise-kun,” was the glib reply. I detected a trace of teasing and I sincerely hoped that was all he meant.

I fell silent, mulling over whether I really wanted to know. I was used to knowing here. My knowledge of the plotline helped me get by without Ise’s memories. But in the likely event that I couldn’t stop Orochimaru from doing what he wanted, I would have that knowledge hanging over me like a death sentence.

“You didn’t answer my question,” I said instead. “What are you going to do now?”

Orochimaru finished the seal with a flourish of the brush. Nothing happened to the scroll, so the seal probably had to react to chakra to work. Or maybe nothing happened because a scroll didn’t have a consciousness to swap.

I probably should have read up on sealing beforehand.

“What if I told you I was going to lock you up and bleed you dry of all your knowledge, Ise-kun?” Orochimaru asked.

I made a weak noise in the back of the my throat. _Ise-kun_ was going to become a thing, wasn’t it? “I would very politely ask you not to do that,” I said.

“Hold still,” he instructed again, placing the palm of his hand against the seal again. This time he wasn’t just tracing it. I felt his chakra modifying it. Unlike Aoba’s, which was warm and familiar, Orochimaru’s felt almost like tickling yourself. If your hands were made of ice.

That sliver of killing intent was gone, so I suppressed my flinch. “This is…?”

“To mark you as mine,” he said casually.

“Gross,” I said. I didn’t know how old he was supposed to be, but Jiraiya looked pretty old. Old enough to have taught Naruto’s dad, which was probably old enough to _be_ my dad. Then I remembered exactly whom I was talking to. “It’s not a cursed seal, is it?”

Orochimaru hummed. Oh, he hadn’t told me about those yet. “No,” he said. “You lack the ability to properly utilize the cursed seal.”

I couldn’t tell if that was an insult.

“It’s just insurance for when you return to Konoha. You’ll find out soon enough,” he promised.

The latter half of that statement was ominous, but my mind snagged on the first part. “You’re letting me go?”

“I’ve decided you’ll be more use to me out there,” Orochimaru said. It was decidedly not reassuring. He didn’t seem to have any plans to tell me what he was thinking either.

“Fine.”

Orochimaru was still smiling smugly, but I was too exhausted to care. This entire mission had been a disaster, and I was just glad to go home. Somewhere, a part of me knew it was out of the pot and into the fire - I was going to have start acting the part of a sensei again and figure out some way to turn the kids into chuunin.

But I’d put it off this long. I could keep putting it off until I got back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't plan for this thing with orochimaru and man does it really fuck with the rest of the fic and everything in-universe
> 
> (this chapter is twice as long - not sure if i'll be available to post next weekend... these next three weekends are gonna be rough but i'll try my best)


	7. Ise Considers a Career Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ise almost resists interrogation, almost gets assassinated, and almost loses his job.

I wavered in and out of consciousness the entire trip back to Konoha. I didn’t remember making it back to the inn, but I remembered worry and warmth as Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura clung to me (two of them did more clinging than the other), and I remembered the feel of Gai’s back as he hauled me back. There was sand, and then trees, and then the tall gates of Konoha. Somewhere above me, I heard many different voices in heated conversation. So many conversations.

Then I was handed off to people I didn't recognized, not by sound or feeling, and strapped to something. An uncomfortable chair. I came to in a drab room that could only be an interrogation cell.

Two women I didn’t recognize stood before me, one dressed in medic-nin whites and the other in the standard gray uniform of the Intelligence Division.

“Yamanaka-san, you’re awake,” said the medic, relieved. “How do you feel?”

“This is...Konoha?” My mouth felt grainy. I really needed to brush my teeth. I wondered if Gai or one of the students had helped me with that during the trip back. At the very least I didn’t taste vomit anymore.

“That’s right, you’re safe now. Do you remember what happened?”

I could, but there was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind like I was missing something. Orochimaru, Naruto, Gai, the cursed seals… I was back in Konoha but I couldn’t feel any of it, not the bustling civilian life, their chakra signatures barely a wisp in the wind, or the ninja hopping across the rooftops or confined to their desks. It was just me, strapped to a chair, and two ninja looking at their mission.

“The mission,” I rasped. I couldn’t move my hands. “We ran into...Orochimaru…”

“That’s right,” the medic-nin said in what was probably meant to be encouragement. “We’ve already heard your team’s mission report, so we just need to hear your side.”

“Did you strap them down too?” I asked. “Where’s the Hokage?”

“It’s no use, Yuzue,” the other ninja said, baring her teeth in a vicious grin. “You know better than anyone how bull-headed jounin are.”

Yuzue relented without much protest. Jounin must have routinely been difficult to work with. “Don’t rough him up too badly, Miho. You know who he is.”

That statement struck me as odd - _I_ didn’t know who I was to warrant special treatment - but Miho suddenly kicked the leg of my chair. I grunted. “Eyes on me, pretty boy,” she snarled, leaning closer. “You’re here because you had one-on-one contact with that snake bastard, which means you’re a threat. Until the point in time you prove to my satisfaction you aren’t a threat, we’re gonna stay right here and get real familiar. If I want to know the color of your shit and how many times you scratched your balls yesterday, you’re going to tell me, got it?”

“Miho,” Yuzue said, exasperated.

“Got it.” I didn’t intend to resist, but it was obvious neither of them believed me. Probably part of the job.

“Don’t get smart with me. You went alone with Orochimaru. Why?”

“He was going for my student,” I said.

“Are you sure?” Miho said flatly. I told myself it had nothing to do with what I’d said and more to do with keeping any auditory cues out of her questions. “What would a missing-nin do with a snot-nosed genin?”

There was no way they didn’t already know the answer to this question, so she was testing me for something else. “Sasuke Uchiha. He wants the Sharingan.”

Miho didn’t react, but I caught a slight head nod from Yuzue. “So he grabbed the wrong person. Why didn’t he kill you?”

“I am a jounin of Konoha. It’s not like I’m defenseless,” I said. That was BS and both of us knew it.

“That’s your official response?”

I wish I had some form of interrogation training. That I remembered. “He...isn’t the kind of guy who kills people for fun,” I said. “There was no point in killing me, so he let me go.”

Her eyebrow twitched, and she pulled away with a hiss. “He won’t cooperate. I’m just going to extract the information.”

“Miho, we don’t have clearance for - “

“Sorry, was this interrogation your job or were you supposed to sit there and make sure he doesn’t die?” Miho snapped. With Yuzue silenced, she turned her attention back to me. “Don’t bother hiding anything. This’ll hurt a lot more if you try.”

She reached for my forehead, and my body seized up. I couldn’t hide anything if I’d tried; every incriminating memory rose to the surface of my mind. I would be so fucked if she extracted the truth.

I braced myself and lunged forward, but the chair was properly secured to the ground. My restraints pulled taut across my chest, but didn’t give.

“Yuzue, hold him, fuck!” Miho yelled. They hadn’t restrained my head or neck - probably to keep me from suffocating myself - and I writhed in my chair trying to get away.

Her palm clamped down on my forehead - Daija constricting my throat - the Kyuubi leaking, its sheer magnitude cracking the floor below Naruto - on a plane barrelling down the runway two seconds from taking off - slammed into the wall - literally on fire with my fist through someone’s skull as their brains charred - naked in bed - the crushing feeling _it’s too late_ \- Sasuke’s face, awash in blood -

The blood was real. It gushed from Miho’s nose as she staggered away, eyes blown wide in aghast horror. Yuzue scrambled between us, unsure whether to hold me or attend to her partner. Miho flattened herself against the opposite wall, sank to the floor, and vomited over her own legs.

I stopped struggling. Somehow, she hadn’t gotten anything important.

Yuzue made a split-second decision and bolted for the door, and then it was just me and Miho, our ragged breaths melting together.

Minutes or hours later, the door slammed open and Yuzue ducked back in, returning to Miho’s side to heal her. I focused on the two very familiar faces who walked in after her.

“Inoichi-sama,” I said.

“Ise…” he murmured. I dragged my eyes away from my clan head to the shorter man beside him. Shikaku Nara looked like it took everything he had to stand in the same room as his ex-student-turned-suspected-traitor. “You aren’t in trouble. We just need to know what happened.”

“You should already have the mission debriefing from Gai.”

“He can’t tell us everything,” Inoichi said. “What did Orochimaru say to you?”

I let the silence drag on for long enough his expression changed from gentle to looking at me like he’d never seen me before. Shikaku looked like he was physically in pain. “I can’t tell you that.”

“Ise, please.” It was the first thing Shikaku had said since entering.

“Shikaku-sensei...” I thought I knew why he was struggling. He was Konoha’s Jounin Commander, and his first loyalty would always be to the village. Even if he could remember when his enemy had still been a twelve-year old caught up in his dreams. “Am I going to die?”

They exchanged glances, a silent conversation passing between them. It clicked for me. This was why Aoba and Tonbo clung to their old teammate, why they so adamantly didn’t believe me when I insisted I didn’t have amnesia. If I wasn’t their Ise, this was what they were losing, that wordless understanding. Not just kinship and trust, but an actual extension of themselves.

“No. No, why would you ask that?” Inoichi said, an automatic response rather than a question he really wanted answered. All of us knew the reason.

Miho was back on her feet, staggering to Inoichi’s side. “Sir.”

“Miho. Are you all right?”

She hissed through her teeth, still pinkish from the blood. “Fine. I’ll be better if I never have to go into his head again.”

“What happened?” Inoichi asked.

Miho fixed me with an icy glare. “It’s a mess. Like every memory he’s ever had assaulting you at once.” As an afterthought, she amended, “Almost every memory. There was still something I wasn’t getting…”

Inoichi nodded. “Thank you, Miho. I’ll take it from here.” She left, and he looked back at me, equal parts pain and resignation. “Ise. I’m sorry for this.”

“Please don’t,” I whispered.

“Shikaku. Will you hold him?”

The Jounin Commander steeled himself and nodded. I didn’t feel his shadow jutsu connect, but I certainly felt it when I tried to move. Inoichi walked up to me, fatigued far beyond his years. His palm was warm when he laid it on my forehead.

His entry was gentler than Miho’s or even Tonbo’s. The rush was familiar now - collapsed at Neji’s feet - Naruto, “But you’re part of our team too, Sensei!” - Aoba’s steady breathing next to me - too stunned to cry as Inoichi wrapped me in a tender, grieving hug - Mukkuma tossed aside like a rag doll -

(Inoichi grunted, the veins around his temples bulging as he fought to narrow his search. A layer of sweat had broken out over his skin.)

\- the oppressive curl of Orochimaru’s chakra right before it consumed me - staying up all night studying hand seals - Ino, subdued and serious and strong - and finally - my confusion waking up - staring in the mirror - “Who are you?” - taking the subway - a meeting - the cafe two streets from my apartment in Manhattan -

Inoichi released me, pale as paper.

“I’m sorry,” I said. I didn’t know what else I could say. “I’m sorry.”

Shikaku looked between us. “What?” he asked, voice dangerous. I could have said nothing, but he would just find out from Inoichi. So I told him.

It was all I seemed to be good at doing lately.

“Then you don’t remember me,” Shikaku said afterward.

“I remember...one thing,” I said. I hadn’t intended to. It would only get his hopes up, would make him think his lost student was somewhere still inside me. That Tonbo was right and I only had amnesia. But I couldn’t help myself. “It was after a mission. I was in the hospital and you told me you wanted me to focus on ninjutsu and genjutsu. My clan techniques. I was crushed.”

He looked up at me, making eye contact. “That’s right. Your body couldn’t handle the strain of your taijutsu. You’d hit your enemies so hard you’d break your own bones.”

I paused long enough it was obvious I didn’t recall that part.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Shikaku asked, one word away from the question he actually wanted to ask.

“I… Aoba knew. And Tonbo found out.” I wondered if I was getting them in trouble. “One of Gai’s students, Neji.”

“Orochimaru,” Inoichi added.

I paused. “Yes. Him.”

Shikaku let out a heavy sigh, running his fingers over the top of his head. “Why, Ise?”

“Um. He’s not that bad one-on-one?” I tried, holding my breath.

Somehow, they didn’t call me on it. _He didn’t see_. Inoichi had scoured every part of my mind he could reach and he hadn’t pulled out the _Naruto_ plotline. Orochimaru had tampered with my seal, had called it his insurance, and now I had a good guess what he meant.

Of course he’d assumed I’d be interrogated by the Intelligence Division. He probably got off on his genius chessmaster schtick.

“What’s going to happen to me?” I said.

“Monitored medical leave, most likely,” Shikaku said. “Of course, we’ll have to tell the Hokage about this. As long as this...is a problem, you are unfit to continue in the line of duty.”

“What about my kids?” I asked, straightening.

“We’ll assign them to someone else. You don’t have anything to teach them now.”

I had expected something like that, but it still hurt. I hadn’t wanted the responsibility, had known I couldn’t handle it. But. It hurt.

“Fine,” I said. “Fine.”

“I’m sorry, Ise,” Shikaku said.

I looked up at Inoichi. “Am I still a threat?”

He exhaled. “No. I will arrange for you to be transferred to the hospital for your injuries.”

“...can I still live in the compound?” I asked, more hesitantly.

“Of course, Ise. I would never… You may not remember who you are, but I could never kick you out,” Inoichi said.

Shikaku removed my restraints. As I stood, stretching my sore shoulders, he caught sight of the back of my neck. “This is the seal?”

“Yeah. Aoba tried to negate it but he couldn’t.”

He made a noise of disbelief. “That boy…” he muttered. “Always messing around.”

Inoichi came closer to examine the seal as well. “I’ve never seen anything like this. If there’s someone who can unravel a seal, it would be Jiraiya-sama.”

“He’s away from the village,” Shikaku said. “Just focus on right now, Ise. We’ll figure this out.”

I gave him a weak smile. If only.

...

“Welcome back, Yamanaka-san,” the nurse said wryly. “I was thinking it had been an unusually long time since you’d come in.”

She wasn’t wearing a nametag, and I felt bad not knowing her name. “Been staying out of trouble.”

“I heard! If they’d known saddling you with three kids would’ve kept you out of the hospital, they would’ve made you a sensei sooner!” she said, straightening my sheets.

I smiled. Would that have helped? Maybe if the other Ise had had a year to teach his students for real, they’d be better equipped for survival. Or maybe they’d be just like Shikaku-sensei, attached to the memory of a man who may not exist anymore.

Orochimaru had healed most of my injuries, at least on the surface, so the hospital proceedings felt more like a formality than anything else. I supposed it was a discreet way to keep me detained and supervised without formally declaring me a threat.

This never should have happened. The mind swap, yes, but also the telling people. Maybe I should have just pretended to have amnesia. Maybe I shouldn’t’ve come back at all; other Ise could have died a village hero, protecting his beloved students, instead of living on as a spectre. A what-if.

The nurse had finished up when the window slid open and Aoba hopped in. Giving him a scandalized but resigned look that suggested she was more than familiar with who he was, she said, “If he strains himself, I’m kicking you out.”

“Understood,” Aoba said, saluting. From a tokubetsu jounin, there was an air of teasing about the gesture, and I guessed the nurse thought so too because she swatted at him with her hand towel.

As she walked out, a large hand caught the door before it closed, and Tonbo ducked in too. “How are you feeling?” he said flatly.

“I’ve been better,” I said. “Not openly bleeding anymore though. That could be a plus.”

Aoba plopped onto the edge of the bed. “So...they found out.”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Tonbo grunted. “Don’t apologize to him. It’s his fault in the first place.”

“Shikaku-sensei already chewed me out too,” Aoba said. “Well, not like, with words, but he does the whole ‘disappointed, not angry’ thing freakishly well.”

“How many people know?”

“Right now, just us, the Hokage, Shikaku-sensei and Inoichi-sama, and the elders,” listed Tonbo. “The official story is you’re on medical leave after sustaining injuries in a fight against Orochimaru, but that usually isn’t a reason to reassign a genin team so people are speculating.”

“Oh. My kids…?”

“They’re giving your team to Takasu Kanden,” Tonbo said.

“I have no idea who that is.”

“He’s a few years older than us,” Aoba said. “Works a lot with explosions and traps.”

Had he been in the manga? I could see Sakura with the dexterity and patience to set traps, but Naruto and Sasuke were both head-on fighters.

My doubt must have shown on my face because Aoba added, “Don’t worry, he’s good. Might’ve made ANBU if he wasn’t so damn nice. Loves kids.”

“I guess he couldn’t be worse than me,” I said.

“Stop that,” Tonbo ordered. “It’s pissing me off.”

“What our dear friend Tonbo is trying to say is this is out of your control,” Aoba said, patting my leg under the sheets. “You’ve done your best. Now we’ve got to keep going forward.”

“That is the only way left, yes,” I agreed. Talking was good. It was easy. For the first time, I didn’t have a haze of lies hovering over my head. That in itself was uplifting, even if it also meant I’d lost my fundamental reason for living.

I was somehow in the _Naruto_ world with all the knowledge to help but none of the obligation. None of the means. If this had been one of those self-insert fanfics, the author would have been laughed off the platform. This entire situation was a joke.

“Ise?” Tonbo probed when I closed my eyes. I suspected that if I burst out laughing, it would only prompt more psychological evaluation.

“I’m fine. Just. Tired.”

A pause. I couldn’t see either of their expressions, but somehow they felt dimmer. “I see,” said Tonbo’s voice. “We’ll let you rest then. Come, Aoba.”

Aoba’s hand ghosted over mine, an almost-pat, before he withdrew. “Later, Ise.”

…

Konoha was swamped in a dense fog of death and fear. Worst of all was the Yamanaka compound, which boasted the highest density of sensors in all the clans. My mother kissed my forehead, right where I usually wore my forehead protector when I was on duty. She tucked a strand of my auburn hair behind my ear. Several emotions flickered onto her face.

Both my parents were fully dressed for battle, but I wasn’t. With the Kyuubi’s chakra thick in the air, it was difficult to even breathe. “Stay here,” Mother said. “Don’t go outside.”

I frowned. “I’m a chuunin now,” I said. “I can fight too.”

But the Kyuubi’s chakra flared, and it was like I could feel the full magnitude of its power bearing down my shoulders. Wincing, my knees buckled and I had to catch myself before I fell. “No,” Mother said, gentle and loving. “Inoichi-sama ordered sensor-types to stay in. You’ll be a liability on the battlefield like this.”

“Father,” I tried.

My father shook his head. “You know your mother is right this time,” he said, smiling in spite of everything. I may have gotten my looks from my mother, but I resembled my father in everything else. “What’s that face for? You don’t believe in us?”

I shook my head. My mother strapped her tanto onto her back. I didn’t know how that would help her. It felt like the enemy was all around me, an intangible force of heat and pressure seeping into the very roots of the village and bleaching the life out.

“This is our duty,” she said. “Your duty is still here.”

In the compound? On the sidelines?

I didn’t say anything, just nodded.

Sleep was impossible that night. Even removed from the battlefield I could feel the Kyuubi’s demonic claws clamped tightly around my throat. The worst part was the not knowing. There was so much chakra in the air I could only occasionally make out a flicker of chakra signatures. I couldn’t feel my parents at all.

I knew the instant it was over. All the intensity vanished at once, leaving behind what felt like an unfillable void. The chakra was gone, and I thought it had taken my sensing with it. The village, normally a hub of distinct chakra signatures overlapping and interwoven, felt silent and dim, those colors and noises gone. Like overexposure had just broken that part of me.

I floated in a strange stasis, in a mind so unfamiliar to me. And when dawn broke, I made my way to the front gate.

I wasn’t alone. Others, lured by the same passing compulsion, unable to process the previous night until they’d seen it with their own eyes, shuffled out of their houses. We congregated at the compound gate and waited.

One-by-one, the broken shinobi drifted through the gates and towards their families. Inoichi-sama, dark circles under his eyes and the faintest smear of blood from his nose across his cheek, stopped in front of me instead of his wife and baby Ino. And I knew.

“I’m sorry, Ise,” he said. I couldn’t move or respond, but he didn’t treat it like disrespect. Grief seized me, tight around my shoulders - no, after a moment, I realized there were arms around me. Inoichi-sama’s breath tickled my ear as he hugged me. It must have hurt his back to hunch down, but he just stayed silent and let me stand there.

My eyes sought out the others. Survivors. Maybe my parents had been the cost to let one of them return home tonight. Which one lived in the place of my mother? Would they remember her every day more they lived when they should have died? Or would she just be a name reserved for holidays?

It was silly. I didn’t know whether either of them had saved someone. Maybe they’d just...died.

After the Kyuubi’s heat, the red dawn should have felt cold and refreshing. But I just felt suffocated. My limbs wouldn’t move. The stars swirled black, inky tadpoles chasing their tails - a sudden burst of pain in my temple, vicious and grounding and real -

...

The ANBU was back.

Still groggy from the nightmare, I didn’t notice them for a few deadly seconds, but it didn’t seem like they intended to assassinate me. Not right away, at least.

“What animal is that supposed to be anyway?” I asked. The ANBU’s nondescript animal mask was the only distinguishing characteristic I could see, their hair and eyes hidden under the hood of the black cloak. They were taller than me, though that hardly narrowed anything down.

I didn’t know many characters still in ANBU - if I remembered correctly, it was more of a stepping stone for a tragic past, like Itachi’s. Sai and Yamato, though they didn’t appear until Shippuden.

That was a ridiculous objection. It wasn’t like they hadn’t existed until then, just because they hadn’t appeared in the manga.

“Can I help you?” I tried again when the ANBU didn’t acknowledge my question at all.

Again, no response.

I sighed, about ready to accept them as a sentry or something when they approached the bed with quick, silent steps.

“What are you…?“

The ANBU climbed on top of me, straddling my stomach, and placed one very sharp kunai against my throat. I could feel the cold edge every time I took a breath, threatening to break skin. Keeping my body relaxed and still, I raised my gaze from their chest, ANBU uniform visible under the parted cloak, and up to their mask.

From this close, I could finally see his eyes.

“Do you know why I’m here?” Kakashi Hatake asked. His voice was deeper than I’d imagined. Flat.

“I imagine this is some kind of execution,” I said.

Kakashi made a quiet noise that could have been an affirmative or just a breath. “Don’t struggle, and I’ll make it quick,” he said.

“All right.”

He pressed down, just slightly. I knew the exact moment the kunai made the cut because pinpricks of pain needled my mind, acutely sharper than any wound I’d gotten over the mission. I closed my eyes.

The pressure let up. When I opened my eyes again, Kakashi was leaning back. He still had his Sharingan activated, but he tucked the kunai away.

“Why?” he said.

“You’re asking me that?” I said. My hand rose to my throat. The cut was shallow - obviously - but definitely real. With just a touch more pressure, or a slip of a hand, I would have bled out silently. “I’m a threat to Konoha. Why’d _you_ stop?”

Wordlessly, Kakashi slipped off the bed. Since he wasn’t trying to kill me anymore, I sat up and squinted at him.

“Wait, was that your twisted idea of a test? Like, to determine if I was dangerous?”

Silence. I remembered him being annoying with his angsty half-answers in the manga, but holy shit, it couldn’t possibly have been worse than no answers at all.

I kicked at him, but the angle was off since I was still in bed and he moved out of the way before my foot had even cleared the sheets.

“I agree with Gai,” I told him primly. “You’re obnoxiously cool. Did you really attack me in the woods awhile back?”

The mask obscured his expression, but he twitched at the mention of Gai’s name. “I needed information.”

“You know me!” I exclaimed. “Just ask, dude.”

“Do I?” he said. I didn’t have a good response. _Did_ he know me? I could only imagine he did because we were both close to Gai and were roughly the same age and rank. “I couldn’t be too careful with the jounin in charge of the Kyuubi and the Uchiha.”

“Because it should have been you?” I was only guessing, but he had the Sharingan and I didn’t.

Kakashi shrugged off his cloak and threw it over the visitor chair. Without the forehead protector functioning as a headband, his silver hair flopped over his mask, still spiky but not as absurd as Aoba’s. His shoulders were bare, exposing the tattoo, and I had to try hard not to stare.

“I’m not sensei material.” He spoke with such conviction I had to raise an eyebrow.

“Just because none of your kids have worked out doesn’t mean you’ll never find a good team,” I said.

Kakashi fell silent for a bit. It seemed to be his default mode. “Is that how it was in your universe?”

Shit. “What?”

“The me in your universe. He became a sensei.” Kakashi’s eyes flicked to the side, reviewing what I’d already said. “They put me in charge of Team 7.”

“You haven’t been getting teams?” I asked.

“I’m ANBU. Why would they give me a team?”

I scrambled to rearrange my understanding of this universe. I hadn’t displaced Kakashi here; he’d been doing something else entirely different. Had my existence kept him in ANBU? That didn’t make sense. He joined ANBU at - some obscenely young age, and I probably wasn’t assigned Team 7 until much later.

“In my universe, you became a sensei, but you kept failing your teams… Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke were the first genin you actually took on,” I said slowly, still digesting this new information. “Did you...hear about the universe thing from the Hokage?”

He looked at me. One of his eyes was red.

“Oh. I told you everything that day, didn’t I?” I muttered more to myself than Kakashi. I knew I was bad at keeping my mouth shut, but apparently it was worse than I thought.

“The Hokage isn’t making that information public,” Kakashi said. “The official story is temporary medical leave for your injuries.”

Aoba and Tonbo had said something similar. “Why?”

“Whoever you are, Ise Yamanaka is still a Konoha jounin.”

I understood. “You think he’ll come back.” They could have demoted me or issued an official reprimand for consorting with Orochimaru, but that would have stayed with Ise’s record for the rest of his life.

“It wasn’t my decision,” Kakashi said.

“And you would have, what, killed me?” He’d had the chance a few minutes ago but stepped down. “Locked me up?”

“If it was necessary, yes,” he said. A pause. “Gai would have been upset.”

For a second, I caught a glimpse of Kakashi-sensei. Just a _second_ where he remembered his friend instead of focusing on the duty at hand. He wasn’t the character I knew, but a what-might-have-been. Parallel-Kakashi. This universe’s Kakashi.

“He understands duty more than he lets on,” I said.

Kakashi nodded. “Yes. He does.”

“Have you thought about it?” I asked suddenly. “Teaching, I mean.”

“No.”

“I think you’d make a good one,” I said. I didn’t need to say the underlying _better than I was_ out loud.

Kakashi turned away, which was as good as shaking his head. He retrieved his cloak and put it back on.

“Going already?” I asked. “Were you even supposed to be here?”

He opened the window and leapt out without shutting it behind him.

Asshole.

...

I suspected someone with authority had instructed the hospital to detain me for as long as possible, but the next morning, some team returned from a disastrous mission and I was hurriedly discharged for more space. The head nurse instructed me to see the Hokage about my situation.

The wait was long, but it wasn't like I had anything else to do now that I didn't have to spend all my free time training or with the kids. It took about an hour for the receptionist to wave me into the Hokage’s office.

The Sandaime looked up from his desk and gave me a grandfatherly smile. I had met him a few times before to give reports on Team 7 and arrange the C-rank with Gai, but he never failed to make me feel like I was a child again, even approaching 30. “Ise-kun,” he said, and the honorific had a completely different effect than when Orochimaru said it, “please, sit down.”

“I’m not actually that hurt,” I said. I sat down anyway.

“How are you feeling? Shikaku and Inoichi were both worried about you,” the Hokage said.

“About me, or the real Ise?”

The Hokage brought his pipe to his lips. “Both,” he said. “Do you think that matters?”

It felt very much like talking to a therapist instead of someone who was technically my boss. “Of course. They don’t really know who I am. They don’t have a reason to care.” Before he could pick at my words, I corrected, “Beyond a basic, human level of compassion.”

“Why do you think they don’t care about you?” the Hokage asked. “Do you not care about them?”

“Not beyond - “ Inoichi’s solemn face, streaked with blood and sweat, flashed in front of my mind. His arms had been more muscular than mine, but wrapped around me, they were a gentle reminder my family was still alive. Other Ise’s family. “It’s different. I - I took his place. I don’t know where the other Ise went. Maybe I erased him. Maybe I killed him.”

“Is that what you’re afraid of?”

“I’m not _afraid_ of it.” That made it sound like a distant possibility, not something that might have already occurred. “I just. I wouldn’t want someone to come replace someone I cared about.”

The Hokage nodded, approval curling around him like his pipe smoke. “Neither Inoichi nor Shikaku view your situation that way,” he said, “but they would be pleased to hear of your concern.”

“I wasn’t trying to endear myself,” I said stiffly.

“Why don’t you talk it over with them?” he suggested.

The manga never mentioned that the Will of Fire included being stubborn as a brick wall. “I guess… I have a lot of free time now.”

I would probably have to secure some other source of income, if I wasn’t on missions. I could get a civilian job somewhere. I could go into publishing again, but I’d have to start all over, which would be a pain. Did modeling exist? I might as well try capitalizing on my newfound good looks.

“What are you planning to do?” the Hokage asked.

“I don’t think I’d make a good model,” I said. He blinked, but instead of commenting, he just waited for me to elaborate, which I think said a lot about the kinds of characters under his employ. “I mean, I need to reexamine my skill set and the possible career options in this universe. I’m a  fair writer...but it’s unsettling without any prior knowledge of the, uh, market.”

In the short silence that followed that, we could hear a faint thudding noise, followed by the sound of several chairs being upturned and a string of shouts. I really hoped the Hokage’s office wasn’t being attacked right now, since I was not in a situation to be defending anyone, but my luck had historically been quite poor regarding fights that weren’t in the original plotline. And, you know, fights in general.

The Hokage didn’t have the grace to look concerned about the commotion - or even _curious._

“Is this normal?” I started to ask before the door slammed open and three genin spilled into the room, Naruto mid-shout. Their clothes were wrinkled and covered in dirt. Alarmed, I checked them over for injuries. None of them seemed hurt, thank god, but both Sasuke and the two chuunin tailing them were vaguely smoking.

“Old man! What is this crap about us getting a new sensei?” Naruto exclaimed.

“Good morning, Naruto,” the Hokage said. He nodded at the chuunin guards. “It’s all right. You can return to your posts.”

Sakura was the first to notice me. “Ise-sensei! Should you be up? They said you were badly hurt…”

“I’m fine,” I said. “But you shouldn’t run into the Hokage’s office like that. You’re ninja now, so show a little respect.”

For a second, Sakura and Sasuke looked properly chastised (I may have imagined it in the latter’s case, though he at least glanced downward) before Naruto said, “Wait, no! We’re here to save you!”

“I’m not in danger.”

He puffed out his cheeks, but with his teammates behind him he recovered quickly. “That’s not what I mean. I wanna know why we’re getting some weird new sensei when we already have you!”

“Naruto, inside voice,” I said. I was ignored.

“Ise-sensei hasn’t done anything wrong! It’s Sasuke’s fault they got kidnapped,” Naruto insisted.

“Naruto, shut up!” Sakura said, grabbing him with a vicegrip. “What he means is even though the enemy was really strong, Ise-sensei got everyone out alive.”

“He assessed our foe and reacted accordingly. This shouldn’t be an issue,” Sasuke said.

I had expected some form of protest from Naruto and Sakura, even if I hadn’t imagined they would burst in on one of the Hokage’s meetings to declare it. From Sasuke, though, I was stunned speechless. He had questioned me since that first day of training, and after the Neji debacle he should have been the first in line to challenge my qualifications.

“Ise-sensei isn’t in trouble,” the Hokage assured them. “He was injured in the battle with Orochimaru.”

“So what?” Naruto made a rude noise. “He gets injured all the time.”

“Are you defending me or insulting me?” I asked. “Pick one.”

“You’ve never let getting hurt stop you from teaching us before, Ise-sensei,” Sakura said, wounded.

“That… That’s different,” I said. “Just give Taketo-sensei a chance. He’s a good guy.”

The Hokage coughed. “ _Tekuno_ -sensei.”

Naruto was rifling through his pack. “Ack! Where’d I put it?”

“Don’t tell me you lost it, moron,” Sasuke said.

“I didn’t!” Naruto squawked, turning his pockets inside out. He wiggled around as if whatever he’d lost might have been stuck to his clothes somewhere.

“What did you lose?” I asked.

“Nothing! I didn’t lose anything! I just wanted to show you - “ Another moment of fruitless searching, and then Naruto snatched the closest paper within arm’s reach, which happened to be right off the Hokage’s desk. “ - this!”

Naruto focused and cleanly cut the paper in half.

“Hah!” he said triumphantly.

Flummoxed, I looked to the Hokage. I really hoped that wasn’t an important document. “Er, destruction of property is - “

“Sensei! I mastered this part of my training, so you gotta teach me a wind jutsu now! And enter us in the Chuunin Exams! You promised,” Naruto said.

“Me too. I did mine too,” Sakura said, abandoning her scruples about Naruto’s questionable demonstration. She met my eyes with steely determination. “We stayed up all night, all of us, so we could prove we want you.”

Helplessly, I looked to Sasuke. “You stayed up too? You could already do yours.”

He shrugged. “They needed help.”

The Hokage nodded slowly, the corners of his lips curling upward. “Nature transformation this early, Ise-kun?”

“I thought it’d be a good way to start building their chakra control,” I murmured. “I didn’t think…”

I broke off, and Sakura looked up at me in the wide-eyed manner of a child catching a grown-up doing something inappropriate. “D-don’t cry, Sensei.”

“Not crying,” I said thickly. _Damn it_.

“Hehe, he’s that impressed by us,” Naruto snickered. “Mission Save-Ise-Sensei moved him to tears!”

“That just means he never expected you to be able to finish the exercise, dumbass,” Sasuke said.

Before they could descend into one of their routine squabbles, the Hokage cleared his throat. “You kids have made your point. Unfortunately, there isn’t much I can do for you. Teaching credentials aside, the three-man unit is designed so a jounin is there to protect you, and Ise-kun isn’t able to do that right now.”

“We can - urk!”

Sakura casually crushed Naruto’s foot beneath her heel, a cheerful smile plastered on her face. “It’s fine if we stay in the village, right? And if we need to go out on a mission, we could get another jounin-sensei to come with us. Maybe even Takato-sensei.”

The Hokage sighed but gave up trying to correct her. I felt bad for this Takumi guy, even though I didn’t know him.

“Ise-kun...are you willing to put off your modeling plans to continue teaching?” the Hokage asked.

The kids swivelled in unison to appraise me, Sasuke verging on discomfort, Naruto confused, and Sakura visibly considering it. “That was a joke, guys,” I said. “But...yeah. I think - yeah. I want to do this.”

“I will have to inform Tekuno-kun about this development, but I suspect he will not protest,” the Hokage said.

“Um, actually… If I could make a request? Instead of Tamaki-san, would you consider someone else?” I hesitated. The idea had struck me suddenly, but I didn’t know where it would lead. I had the vague sense the person in question would not appreciate it, but it felt right.

“And who is that?”

“Kakashi Hatake.”

The Hokage’s fingers stilled on his pipe. His breathing remained calm and steady, so much that I suspected it was very intentional. “Kakashi-kun is not currently on roster as a jounin sensei,” he said.

“You can make it a special mission,” I suggested. “Besides, his skillset is suitable for this team.” There had to be some precedent for this kind of thing, I figured. I was pretty sure when Yamato and Sai were assigned to Team 7, they were in ANBU. Although it would have been Tsunade doing it, so maybe she just made up those rules.

“If he agrees,” the Hokage said. “But only if.”

Naruto and Sakura looked back at me, lighting up. “That’s a yes, right?” Naruto asked. “You get to stay?”

“Yes,” I said, ruffling both of their hair. Sakura put up with it for once. “It’s a yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honorifics are terrible. i really didn’t want to sift through the manga to see if sasuke ever referred to Kakashi as sensei or how the sandaime refers to the jounins...and so i made it up!
> 
> we also finally get to the basis of the canon divergence, which surprisingly is not Ise’s existence. as many of you have guessed, kakashi is still in anbu. there was basically no logical reason to choose ise over kakashi for team 7’s sensei as long as kakashi was in the running. so i took him out. on the wiki, it said gai asked the hokage to remove kakashi from ANBU and suggested kakashi take up teaching to regain his kindness, so in this au gai didn’t do that


	8. Ise Trashes Kakashi's Apartment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ise makes some apologies, tries his hand at psychology, and settles a disagreement using the greatest form of conflict resolution known to ninja-kind.

I had so many things to do: track down Kakashi, apologize to Gai, interrogate Shikaku-sensei, figure out who had told Naruto what about the Kyuubi…

But before anything else, I went straight to the nearest training rounds. In a streak of overprotectiveness, Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke tailed me even after I told them I couldn’t teach them their jutsu today.

“What are you doing here, Sensei?” Naruto asked, looking around. “Training?”

Sakura furrowed her brow. “You’re still injured though, aren’t you?”

I’d have to be careful to keep that facade up. “I’m not training,” I said. “I have to check something.”

Withdrawing a kunai, I cut my thumb and performed a quick series of hand seals. I faltered at the last second, caught up in what I was going to say. It still felt awkward doing a jutsu without calling out an attack name, as impractical as it was, but it wasn’t any more comfortable calling out a made-up name in front of an audience.

I mumbled, “Summoning jutsu…” as I slapped the ground, picturing Mukkuma in my mind.

The smoke cleared around a one-eyed, tawny-colored bear. Sakura shrieked and Naruto’s eyes grew to the size of saucers. Shikkuma shook his head and levelled a reproachful gaze my direction when he recognized the company I’d brought.

“I’m not babysitting your cubs,” he said.

Sakura gasped.

“It. Talks!” Naruto yelled. “That’s so awesome!”

“Shikkuma… I was trying to summon Mukkuma. Is she...all right?” The last time I’d seen her she’d been immobile, and I hadn’t had the opportunity to check on her. It was possible she’d gone back to - wherever summons went and came from - but I also knew summons could die.

“She is...recovering. Thus she is unavailable.”

“Oh. That’s good,” I said, slumping with relief.

Naruto was attempting to climb Shikkuma like a tree, a rather brave reaction to meeting a bear over three times his height for the first time. The way Sakura eyed Shikkuma suggested she strongly wanted to cuddle him as well, even as she told Naruto off for being disrespectful.

“He won’t hurt you,” I told her. “Sasuke, if you want to hug him too, you can.”

“That’s not for you to decide,” Shikkuma said with no real bite as Naruto buried his face in his fur. “You just wanted to check on Mukkuma?”

“I was worried. I didn’t really get the chance to summon one of you until now,” I said.

“Your worry is unfounded,” Shikkuma told me. “We are tough.”

“This is a summon?” Sasuke asked, considering Shikkuma with a narrow-eyed look of greed. He’d been there when I summoned Mukkuma; he probably had a good idea of what Shikkuma was capable of.

“That’s right,” I said. “It’s a pretty advanced jutsu and you have to make a contract with a species before you can summon them.”

“We don’t contract cubs,” Shikkuma cut in. Naruto and Sakura sighed, disappointed. The latter had given in to temptation and was curiously examining the bear’s paw. It was larger than her head.

“Why not?” Sasuke asked.

“They ask too many questions.” Despite his deadpan reluctance, Shikkuma did a remarkable job putting up with the kids. Naruto pulled himself onto the bear’s shoulders. He held up four fingers at the corner of Shikkuma’s peripheral vision, right next to his eye patch.

“Can you see this?” he said. “How many fingers?”

“I will bite them off and then there will be none,” said Shikkuma.

“How old was Ise-sensei when you made the contract?” Sakura asked. “What was he like back then?”

“When do you stop considering people cubs?” Sasuke pressed.

Shikkuma let out a deep, long-suffering sigh. “Next time, I don’t care why you call, I’m sending someone else,” he said.

Chuckling, I reached up. My fingers didn’t even reach his shoulders. “Bend down for a second.” He obliged, dropping to all fours which brought him to a much more manageable height. Naruto let out a whoop at the descent. I buried my fingers into Shikkuma’s fur, scratching him around the neck and making my way behind his ears. “As if you aren’t pleased to see me too.”

Visibly, Shikkuma teetered between maintaining his unaffected facade and turning his neck to give me better access. “The other bears spoil you,” he grumbled, leaning closer and pressing his wet nose against my neck. In a second, he could tear out my throat with his teeth, but he didn’t. I smiled.

“I hope my future summons are cute too,” Sakura decided.

“All right, all right,” I said, waving my kids off of Shikkuma. “We should let him go before he caves and eats you. Wouldn’t want to give him indigestion.”

Naruto nimbly leapt to the ground and took up a languid position behind Sasuke and Sakura, his arms behind his head. “Come back soon!”

“I’d let you sic them on Miguma but the brat would enjoy it,” Shikkuma lamented before dismissing himself.

“Man, Kiba’s stupid dog doesn’t have anything on this!” Naruto said, starry-eyed.

I shook my head. “Sorry, kids, genin don’t usually get summons. You should focus on passing the Chuunin Exams first.”

“You’re still entering us?” Sakura demanded. She managed to sound forceful, but a quick glance at her teammates betrayed her uncertainty. “Naruto said you would but…”

“Do you not want to?” I asked.

“No! Yes! I want to,” Sakura said. “I mean, if you think we’re ready.”

I actually had no idea what level genin should be at for the Chuunin Exams, but I was pretty sure they weren’t there yet. It didn’t matter. If I got my way, they would be ready soon. “I think you guys have a solid foundation now,” I said, “but we still need to train before you have a chance of passing. That’s why I wanted to enlist a specialist to help.”

“That Hatake guy,” Sasuke recalled.

“You may be a bit young to know him, but he’s one of the best shinobi Konoha has to offer,” I said. “Maybe even a possible candidate for Hokage.”

Naruto straightened at the appearance of a rival. “If he’s that strong, why haven’t I heard of him?”

I had no idea.

“You couldn’t even name every person in our Academy class,” Sakura retorted.

“He’s kind of a loner,” I said, “so if I manage to convince him, I expect you on your best behaviors. No scaring him off, got it?”

“Got it,” the kids chorused.

“Anyway, I’m off to wrangle us another jounin,” I said. “You guys… stay here. Train. Take the day off. I don’t really care. Tomorrow we’re going to hit the ground running, so take advantage of your last breather day before the Chuunin Exams.”

“We can’t come with you?” Naruto widened his eyes in a poor impression of innocence.

“He hates kids, so no.”

“Let’s just go, moron,” Sasuke said. A pause, as hesitant as it was brief. “...Sakura.”

She’d already been preparing to tag along, but the explicit acknowledgement lit through Sakura like a beacon. Beaming, she leapt to his side as he walked away. “O.K.! Let’s go, Naruto!”

I watched them go, and as soon as they left my sight I honed in on their chakra signatures. My perception was shaky, and I definitely couldn’t imagine keeping this up all the time like other Ise had in the dream, but...I could follow their distinctive chakra all the way out of the training grounds without much strain.

I was a sensor, however weak. Maybe it was something I could train if I had an inkling of how to go about that. More importantly, it was something I could put to use right now.

Kakashi’s chakra was difficult to pinpoint in my memory, mostly because I rarely registered his presence and had been distracted during both encounters. Still, I had one memory… He’d straddled me, placed his hands right at my throat, looked me straight in the eye…

I tried to rekindle that feeling. His chakra, light - not airy, but tightly wound. A still mouse trap waiting to snap. A tinge of sickly malevolence.

Reaching beyond the confines of the training ground, I searched for his chakra signature. It was much more difficult than I anticipated, combing through a veritable bonfire of civilian signatures. I flinched away from the main streets altogether - if he was in a densely populated area, I’d have more luck looking in person than trying to piece together any information there.

I scoured the Third Training Ground first and was disappointed I couldn’t sense his chakra near the Memorial Stone. As I worked my way clockwise, a sudden bout of lightheadedness caught me off guard, forcing me to my knees. I closed my eyes and shut out external stimuli. Each chakra signature was a pinprick in the back of my mind, flaring with life the more I focused.

I opened my eyes. A man could get lost in that mental world if he wasn’t careful.

Kakashi had found me easily enough the first two times. I could wait for that, or I could even leave it to the Hokage to convince him when he assigned the mission.

Then again, manga-Kakashi hadn’t exactly been amenable to accepting his students, and I doubted this never-taught-before Kakashi would open up easily either.

Resigned, I dove back into the lights.

There was a slight tug on the edge of my range, a sliver of that sickliness, and I looked up at Minato Namikaze’s rocky face. For a man who enjoyed beating himself up over his dead teammates, I imagined beating himself up over his dead sensei was the next best thing. I had never been to the top of the Hokage Mountain, and it was probably because climbing it was a lot easier for ninja.

Technically, I was physically healed, but I still wasn’t eager for the trek. “The things I do for you brats,” I muttered to myself.

The Hokage Mountain was kind of an attraction, in that there were stairs for civilians to make their way to the top but not many people actually braved the trip. The view was nice, even romantic, but much less so with feet covered in blisters and a long trip back to ground level to look forward to.

I didn’t trust myself to climb up the rock face and stuck to the civilian staircase, though I cheated and scaled entire sections with chakra-enhanced jumps. For what might have taken someone an hour walking, I managed to make it to the top in under ten minutes.

Kakashi was already facing me, out-of-uniform. His forehead protector covered his Sharingan, and though he had adopted a casual stance, shoulders slumped and flyaway hair tangled in the wind, he was astonishingly bad at it.

I didn’t have to reach out to his chakra to sense that he was on-edge about something. Another difference from the Kakashi in my mind. His body language screamed that he’d learned it through people watching instead of genuinely interacting with them.

“Expecting me?” I asked lightly.

“You suck at hiding your presence,” he said. “Even before.”

“...how’d I make it to jounin?”

He levelled that unreadable gaze at me before looking back over the horizon, the picture of angst. The fact that he was fast approaching thirty instead of an ill-adjusted teenager made it worse. The ninja lifestyle had forced him to grow up too quickly, and now he was trapped in some awkward in-between, not a child but not nearly a stable adult.

“Actually, that kind of relates back to why I’m here,” I said. He inclined his head, indicating he was listening without actually looking back at me. “You already know I’m not exactly the best qualified to teach my kids. The Hokage was going give them to someone else, but, uh, for some reason or other, he’ll let me keep them if you help.”

“What’s wrong with Takeo?” Kakashi asked automatically.

“Oh, you already heard.” I scratched my head, my fingers locating a stray lock of hair from my ponytail. I must have missed it when I put my hair up after getting discharged. “There’s nothing wrong, per se. I don’t really know the guy, and I...know you have a lot to teach them.”

“Because I did in your world,” Kakashi supplied.

“Yeah.” Granted, most of the teaching happened after the timeskip and had been focused on two kids in particular, but…it was another chance to get it right.

Kakashi was silent for long enough I thought he might be seriously considering it, but then he said, “No.” Short and decisive.

“Wh-why not?” I’d gone into this knowing a rejection was the most probable response, but the venom still caught me by surprise.

Silence again. This time, I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to figure it out myself or if he was refusing to answer altogether.

If he wanted tactful silence, he was better off looking elsewhere. “You’re afraid of failing them like you failed your team,” I guessed. “Or maybe…you don’t think you deserve to work with your sensei’s son?”

I ducked out of the way of the thrown kunai without making the conscious decision to. Ninja reflexes were scary.

“Yikes. Touchy,” I said. “Look, I don’t want to preach at you, but if you’re scared of something like that, why don’t you just quit?”

“I’m an assassin,” he said. “None of that changes the fact my skills are still of service.”

“Even if they’d be of better service outside of ANBU?”

Kakashi jumped off the face of the fourth Hokage, leaving me alone at the top.

“You’re a coward, Hatake!” I shouted after him, to no avail except making me feel a little better about the return trip.

Only a little though.

...

The sun was setting when I made it back to the village, and I was painfully reminded that I hadn’t eaten. Torn between grabbing food and hunting down the only person I could think of who might sway Kakashi’s mind, I stalled just short of Main Street. It was getting increasingly difficult to walk straight through the hunger pains, but I didn’t know when the Hokage would call Kakashi. Putting it off might give him the chance to formally decline the mission.

“Damn it.” I sighed. “If freaking Orochimaru couldn’t kill me, this isn’t going to.”

Gai was much easier to find than Kakashi, not only because I’d been exposed to him more but because he was, predictably, training. His chakra spluttered in quick bursts in one of the training grounds - nearby, thank god, or I may have given up then. There was another signature with him but I didn’t recognize them until I actually made it to the training ground myself.

I heard Gai’s battle cry before I saw either of them, and then he launched himself out of a tree, right leg extended in a powerful kick. Genma nimbly weaved to the side and deflected with his forearm. One retaliating jab at the inside of Gai’s knee later, they sprung apart and turned towards me.

“Up and about already?” Genma asked, pulling out another senbon. I realized he’d been sparring without one, which was probably some kind of safety precaution.

“Ise! How are you feeling?” said Gai. He bounded over, shimmering pearls of sweat clinging to his hair and skin, and I was reminded of that old joke _girls don’t sweat, they glisten_.

“Dying,” I said. “Let’s get dinner.”

Genma clapped his hands together. “Well! I’ll leave you lovebirds to your own devices.”

“Dinner in a consuming sustenance way, not a date way,” I clarified.

Genma treated me to a truly shit-eating grin that told me he was fully aware of my intentions - or lack thereof - and didn’t care. “Sure, sure!” He patted Gai roughly on the back. “Have fun, stay safe, be responsible!”

Then he skedaddled, vanishing in a small puff of dust.

“I need to cool down.” Gai completely glossed over Genma’s departure. I couldn’t tell whether he was just used to it or whether there was some other reason.

“I’m going to collapse if I don’t eat something in the next five minutes.”

“I’ll do stretches on the way,” Gai decided.

I chose the restaurant based on proximity instead of any kind of familiarity or quality, plopping into a booth at some tavern I’d seen before but never entered. Gai slid in more gracefully, greeting the waitress by name. He had probably been here before, but I couldn’t shake the impression that he knew everyone simply by virtue of being Gai.

“I’m worried about Kakashi,” I said.

Gai folded his arms over the table, expression turning serious. “Yes,” he agreed.

“He’s still torn up over his past. It’s like...he’s punishing himself now.” The waitress came back around with drinks, and I gulped down my water in hopes of tricking my stomach into thinking it was full. The waitress seemed nice, but I waited until she’d hurried off again before continuing. “I asked him to help with my team, since he has the Sharingan and everything, but it’s like...he’s afraid he’s going to taint them if he comes too close.”

Eyes downcast, Gai let out a long sigh. “Ise...I fear I have done my rival a grave disservice.”

“Hm?”

“I have...known...for quite some time,” he confessed, faltering between his words like he was wrenching them out of his soul, “that Kakashi has been struggling. I tried to help. I wanted to ask Hokage-sama to let him leave ANBU, but Kakashi told me not to. I...listened, but now I do not think I made the right decision.”

I attempted an encouraging smile. “Gai, that’s not your fault - “

“I’ve failed my rival,” Gai said. I was a little shocked that he would interrupt me so bluntly, but it said a lot about his mental state. “He always acts so cool… It was my duty as his eternal rival to look underneath it, but I failed…”

If Gai wilted any more, I feared he would slide out of the booth. I reached across the table and clamped both my hands on his shoulders, forcing him to look at me. “Look. Gai. Both of us should have acted earlier, but we didn’t, and that was wrong. But we have another chance. These kids will be _so good_ for Kakashi, I know it. He won’t listen to me. He needs you.”

The waitress cleared her throat, balancing two platters on her arms as she peered inquisitively at us. I released Gai and pulled my arms back. Gai’s slump obviously wasn’t enough to keep him from fulfilling basic social obligations. “Thank you, Hitoka-chan!” he boomed, the sheer brightness of his smile erasing the waitress’s concern.

It was a little too bright - not disingenuous, but more for the waitress’s sake than a reflection of Gai’s mood. He was kind. Maybe that was why Kakashi listened to him.

I inhaled half of my food before the waitress had even retreated from the table, collapsing back into my seat with a loud groan that attracted Gai’s attention again. “Ise, I will try. Of course I will try, but...I do not know if he will listen to me. We are rivals but it feels like he is slipping out of my grasp.”

“He’ll listen,” I said. I had to stop and chew before continuing. “I promise, Gai, he really respects you.”

Gai tensed his jaw and then said, “You come too.”

“W-wait, what?” Coughing, I covered my mouth with my arm to stop small chunks of food from flying out. “He’s already turned me down. He won’t listen.”

“It will be different if we ask him together.” Gai nodded, cementing his decision. “Yes. This will be so good for him, Ise!”

He was a force of nature with his mind made up, so I settled for polishing off my bowl. “Fine. Let’s do it. I don’t know where he is though. I scared him off the mountain already.”

“We can wait for him in his apartment,” said Gai.

This entire chase had been enough of a pain that I had no problem ambushing the guy in his own home. “All right. Are you gonna finish that or can I eat it?”

Gai grinned and tucked in. We tipped the waitress generously and set off, leaping across the rooftops. I didn’t miss my step once, which I thought was extremely impressive after my stint in the hospital. Granted, it required less precision than tree running.

“You are feeling better?” Gai asked.

“Yeah. I...wanted to apologize about that, actually,” I said. “I asked you to help me and you ended up carting me there and back.”

He shook his head furiously. “It is no trouble at all, Ise! Really, I could not stand to think of what might have happened had I not been there.”

Kakashi lived on the third floor of an out-of-the-way complex specifically designed for ninja. It was smaller and more run down than I would have expected a prestigious jounin to live in, but fitting for Kakashi. Less than a third of the building’s occupants were actually home, and no one noticed Gai and me slipping in.

Gai walked brazenly up to Kakashi’s door and turned the handle without knocking. “He doesn’t lock it?”

“He does not tell people where he lives,” Gai said, opening the door. I stepped inside.

I had expected something sterile, like an empty home with little indication a human being actually lived there. Instead Kakashi’s flat was strangely cluttered. Bulky, disjointed furniture crowded the room, their well-worn surfaces faded from sunlight and dust. Clothes - shirts, pants, undergarments - piled up in the corners of the rooms. An eclectic pile of books balanced precariously on one corner of Kakashi’s coffee table, right next to a beige lamp shaped like a bone and a glass vase filled with long-wilted daffodils.

There was a white bra behind the front door. Taking two steps into the living room, I tripped over a set of dog bowls.

“...is this the right place?” I asked.

Gai chuckled. “My rival is the sentimental type. He hates throwing things out.”

I looked around again with a keener eye. There were no weapons or training gear in sight, unlike my own house, and I saw books on poetry, mathematics, and cooking, but nothing characteristic of a ninja.

The apartment still felt empty. Like...two images overlaid on each other, one room bursting with personality and the other untouched. The overall effect was a peculiarly out-of-time scene. I just couldn’t find Kakashi’s touch in the furniture.

There were no photographs in the apartment at all.

“Creepy,” I muttered. It felt like he was just occupying someone else’s house. In a bout of nostalgia, I picked up a nearby book on the migration patterns of native birds. Its pages were crisp and crinkled with dried water, and the spine cracked when I opened it.

I was examining the binding when Kakashi flew in through the window, landing lightly in the dust, and sank into an automatic combat stance. His eyes settled on Gai first and then me, cross-legged on his armchair. There was a second where he visibly considered fighting before he exhaled. “Brought reinforcements, I see. Gai.”

“Rival!” Gai greeted cheerfully. “Ise was just telling me about a most inspiring idea!”

“Is that so,” Kakashi said. “I can’t imagine what it might be.”

“We think you should take up teaching!” It wasn’t so much that sarcasm was lost on Gai; it was just ineffective, and the half-defeated look on Kakashi’s face suggested he hadn’t expected much on that front either.

“I’m not doing Yamanaka’s job for him because he decided he sucks at it,” Kakashi said.

“Well, when you put it like that,” I started.

Gai silenced us with a broad sweep of his hand. “Listen to us, Kakashi. You have wallowed in the past for long enough. I thought time would be good for you, but I was a fool. Distancing yourself from us isn’t good for you. What you need is friends!”

Kakashi’s eye widened a fraction of a millimeter, and he gave me a wild glance for some reason. “Actually, Ise, I - “

“Yes!” Gai exclaimed loudly, impressed by his own idea. He jumped over Kakashi’s couch to grab hold of both Kakashi’s hands. “Friends! I will inform the rest of the jounin. You have suffered alone long enough! And this job will be so good for you. Interacting with today’s youth will help you reconnect to the way of the ninja! It’s the children, rival! Children are the way forward. And it is our duty now to pass on the fruits of our knowledge.”

“Ah,” I said. I hadn’t fully realized what I’d be siccing onto Kakashi by involving Gai until right this moment. He truly was a force of nature. “I didn’t intend for it to go like this, but he’s not wrong.”

“Kurenai and Asuma may be busy with their own students, but I will ask Genma and the others to spend time with you outside of missions.” Gai was getting a little glassy-eyed thinking about the splendid camaraderie of Konoha shinobi. “Don’t worry, Kakashi, I am sure they will be delighted.”

“Yeah, they’ll be delighted all right,” Kakashi muttered. Louder, he said, “Look, Gai, I appreciate this, but I’m going to have to pass.”

“No passing,” Gai said. “I...I’ve watched you hurt yourself for too long, Kakashi. I could not call myself a Konoha shinobi… No, I could not call myself your friend if I allowed this to continue.”

Kakashi looked uncomfortable. As difficult as it was to handle exuberant, eccentric Gai, it was even worse to look Gai in the face when he was solemn and teary-eyed. “Thank you. But I - “

“It’s still a no?” Gai exclaimed, baffled. “You are tough to crack as always, Kakashi. Then...my trump card… Accept this official challenge from me, rival! If I win, you leave ANBU!”

“And if I win, neither of you ever bring this up again,” Kakashi said.

“It is a deal! If you win, I will complete 100 missions before I bring this up again.” Gai spun to me and pointed. “A neutral party! What will we compete in?”

“That is not what neutral means,” said Kakashi.

I looked between the pair, Gai a bundle of anticipation, Kakashi a strange blend of resignation and interest. Kakashi was right; I was hardly neutral. But without a fair competition, he wouldn’t accept the results. I couldn’t just hand Gai a victory.

There was the underlying implication that he would accept the results if it _was_ fair, though. He could have refused the challenge like he’d turned us down before. The obvious thing to choose was a spar, and it was probably what Kakashi was expecting. Gai was fresh off from training too…

“Pillow fight,” I said.

Kakashi twitched towards me, eye narrowing in a split second of confusion, but before he could voice a question, Gai took off. Sensibly, Kakashi moved as well, flitting over to the loveseat to snatch an old throw pillow up before following Gai to the bedroom. I didn’t expect any of the furniture in this dump to survive a jounin-level fight and gleefully hoped that the pillows were stuffed with feathers.

This wasn’t a direction I had expected the evening to go in or I would have brought a camera.

Maybe Kakashi had one somewhere… It wouldn’t be surprising considering the rest of the junk he kept lying around.

Gai let out a battle cry as he leapt at Kakashi. Their limbs blurred as they moved, but the pillows were not as aerodynamic as the weapons they were used to wielding. One of Gai’s blows glanced off Kakashi’s shoulder, a second too slow for a direct hit, and knocked the vase off the table. It shattered, sending glass shards skittering across the floor. The wilted flowers got crushed underfoot moments later.

I expected a noise complaint, but either this chaos was normal or none of Kakashi’s neighbors were even home.

Kakashi had uncovered his Sharingan - and the absurdity of using ninja techniques during a pillow fight was the icing on top of the cake. He rolled to the side, dodging one of Gai’s charges, and toppled a floor lamp without batting an eye. Gai’s pillow struck the corner of a shelf and split at the seams. A cloud of feathers exploded into his face, and Kakashi took the opportunity for a back attack.

Anticipating that, Gai spun into a backwards kick. Somehow he caught Kakashi by the hand and knocked the couch pillow out of his grip. The pillow hit the mirror hanging on the opposite wall with enough force to crack it.

Both of them grabbed the nearest pillow-like object, which for Gai was an actual couch _cushion_. Kakashi brandished a wide-eyed stuffed dog at him. In its mouth, it carried a heart that read HOT STUFF.

At a disadvantage, Kakashi backed away towards the bedroom, watching Gai for any signs of attack.

Knowing Gai’s stamina, this could go on for a long time. I hadn’t exactly thought the pillow fight thing through before suggesting it - it was just hilarious - and had no idea what counted as a win. Cornering your opponent? Beating them into submission? The large feathers from the exploding pillows had settled underfoot, but droves of small feather tufts still swirled in the air, propelled by the fight.

I sneezed. They probably weren’t great for our lungs now that I thought about it.

A wayward feather had gotten stuck in my bangs, a blurry white blob on the edge of my peripheral, and I plucked it out. An idea struck me. Kakashi had weaseled himself out of the corner and was leading Gai on a merry chase bouncing off the walls of his flat.

The kitchen was not so much a separate room but a small add-on to the main one. I sidestepped the dining table, knocked askew from a thoughtless impact, and the numerous collectibles that had fallen off it. Rummaging through the fridge turned up two half-empty bottles of alcohol, a loaf of hard bread, some boxes of take-out leftovers, and a potted succulent. I ignored those and scanned the inside of the door for sauces.

My choices were soy sauce, hot sauce, and a bottle of thick brown sauce with the logo of a bulldog - not a poor turnout, though I’d been hoping for syrup. The image of Kakashi serving up a plate of pancakes, spatula in hand, was as foreign as the image of Kakashi engaged in a pillow fight, though.

Perhaps not so far-fetched after all. I’d look into it later.

I grabbed the hot sauce and the bulldog sauce. I almost wanted to throw in soy sauce for funsies, but it wasn’t that sticky when wet and it was thin enough it might bleed through the cloth.

Ducking an airborne Gai, I made my way into the bedroom. Though this room wasn’t as cluttered as the living room, the devastation was much more rampant. Kakashi’s desk had been overturned, its contents spilling willy-nilly on the floor. The bed had been harder to move, but the sheets and bedding had been yanked off. Kakashi had already grabbed his pillow, so I turned to the small closet.

There was already a fist-shaped hole in the door, and I didn’t know whether it was another casualty of the pillow fight or something that had been there before. Sliding the door aside, I struck gold.

Like most people, Kakashi kept spare bedding in the closet - in this case, a ragged pink blanket and a pillow. I pulled the pillow off the shelf with a backward glance at the door. I didn’t want them to run in and see what I was doing, so I took a step into the closet and shut myself in.

Withdrawing a kunai, I cut a small slit in the pillow just large enough to fit the nozzle of a sauce bottle. It wouldn’t work if everything fell out before the pillow burst on its own, and I didn’t carry a sewing kit on me to stitch up a larger cut.

Then I poured the entire contents of both bottles into the pillow. The sauces didn’t bleed through immediately, but the white cover did sprout various discolored splotches.

There wasn’t much I could do about that, but with any luck they’d distract each other enough to overlook it.

I emerged from the closet and went out into the main room.

The abrupt spike in temperature was stifling. The air was thick enough Kakashi had pulled down his mask. He’d discarded his stuffed dog, now missing its heart and one leg, in favor of the other couch cushion, and he and Gai furiously traded blows.

Gai’s cushion had taken a beating - from what, I didn’t know, because I couldn’t imagine the stuffed dog doing that much damage unless it was hiding multiple knives underneath its cuddly exterior. Kakashi struck with a low-sweeping kick, prompting Gai to jump right into the brunt of Kakashi’s pillow. Gai deflected with his shin, but Kakashi managed to grab onto the corner of his couch cushion and pulled it out of his grip as Gai disengaged.

Upholstery foam bubbled out of the corner Gai had been holding. Kakashi hadn’t just torn the cushion out of his grip; Gai’s grip had been so strong they’d torn a piece off of the cushion itself. Gai threw that corner aside.

When he reached for another pillow-shaped object, I made sure I was standing there with my trap in hand.

“Cheating,” Kakashi spat, but he didn’t have time to actually protest before Gai snatched the pillow out of my hand and swung.

The initial impact wasn’t enough to burst the pillow, but it made a satisfying dull _thump_. Kakashi’s eye widened, caught off guard by the pillow’s weight. Meanwhile, I took cover, leaping over the battered loveseat and crouching to the floor just as Gai’s pillow and Kakashi’s couch cushion collided.

The resulting explosion covered both of them in feathery, saucy goop. They might have continued to fight on momentum alone if not for the immediate, stinging smell of the hot sauce. When they froze, I walked up behind Kakashi with a handful of gathered feathers and sprinkled them over him.

“So...a win for me?” I asked.

Gai started laughing, because this was exactly the situation he would find humorous. He almost brought a hand up to his face but stopped. “Do not wipe your face. It might get in your eyes.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Kakashi said. A clump of feathers rolled down his shoulder onto the floor. A feather was stuck to the side of his head.

“Since I won, you’ll help me out, right?” I said.

He looked at me, unsure if I’d betrayed his trust or if he’d just been foolish to disregard me in the first place. “That’s not how betting works. You can’t make the terms of the bet after you win.”

“We didn’t!” I said. “You knew I was on Gai’s side. Teamwork always prevails.”

Kakashi kept himself from wrinkling his nose, but it was a near thing. He looked at Gai, whose green jumpsuit was splattered in brown sauces, and then at his trashed upheaval of an apartment. “Fine,” he relented. “When do I start?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> were the last two chapters too serious for anyone? i thought so too
> 
> posting this early because i wont get the chance tomorrow. thanks to everyone leaving comments! it really helps me keep going


	9. Ise Sets Himself On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ise lands himself on Iruka’s shit list, finally learns how to throw a shuriken, and gains a new moniker.

Kakashi was ruthless.

Not only was he the cream of the crop when it came to war-bred murder machines, but he genuinely expected everyone else to keep up with the pace he set. I didn't know if that was because he was desperately pruning the kids for battle in fear of losing them or if he'd just never been exposed to normal people with normal learning curves before.

He set Sakura on a training regimen designed to increase her stamina and physical strength while Naruto and Sasuke struggled with water walking. He assigned them a few D-rank taijutsu to learn, and, after determining their progress with their elemental recomposition, gave them new exercises.

We didn’t have Yamato’s waterfall, so Naruto had to split a stream with his chakra. Sakura had to erect a 1x1 square foot of earth, which she succeeded at to little fanfare. In return Kakashi taught her to hide in the ground and create dirt walls as a barrier. Sasuke could already do his clan fire jutsu, and Kakashi helped him tackle stronger techniques.

Naruto grit his teeth through it all, channelling all his frustrations into the task at hand.

“He would learn a lot faster if he trained with his Shadow Clones,” Kakashi told me.

Naruto had mastered his wind Rasengan in a matter of days in the manga, but that had been in Shippuden. Akatsuki had been on Konoha’s doorsteps then. “I know what he is. I know what he can do,” I said. “He’ll be unstoppable in a few years, but now he’s just a child. I just want to let him be a child for a little longer.”

Kakashi fixed me with a capital L Look. I’d initially had difficulty reading his expression underneath the mask, but I’d learned to read the ones he used often. This one was the most common, an unimpressed warning that these kids were ninja regardless of the social norms from my previous world and it wouldn’t help them in the long run to baby them.

We sparred daily, and I used “spar” in the loosest interpretation of the term. He kicked my ass every day, multiple times. “Someone who can’t fight is a liability,” he said. “Even if I’m here, you’re just another body to look after.”

“Thanks,” I said, picking myself off the ground for the thirteenth time that day.

“Don’t thank me. Just get better.”

To Kakashi’s frustration, my taijutsu wasn’t consistent. When he caught me off guard, my natural reflexes were enough to ward him off, but once I attuned to his chakra, I could sense him sneaking up on me. The more we fought, the more it actually seemed as if I was doing worse than when he could still catch me by surprise.

One day Inoichi invited me to his house for dinner, and I hobbled in nursing enough bruises that Ino threatened to beat Kakashi up for me.

“It’s fine,” I said, amused. “I did technically ask him to do this for me.”

“But he should still take it easy on you if you’re injured,” she fumed as we settled in at the table, “not injure you _more_.”

Ino’s mother, whose name I was pretending to remember, was a brunette. It was an odd sight amongst the Yamanaka blonds and redheads. She also wore her hair in a bun instead of a long, unwieldy ponytail. The first time I saw her, I’d honestly thought she was an outsider. She shook her head at her daughter’s belligerence. “Thank you for joining us, Ise-kun,” she said. “It’s been awhile.”

Inoichi sat across from me, his expression an amusing mix between guarded, embarrassed, and gentle. “Since Ino graduated the Academy and you got your jounin assignment,” he said, more for my benefit than anything else.

“Sorry, time really passes by quickly, doesn’t it?” I smiled at the wall behind him. It was still hard to meet his eyes without recalling the interrogation. “How’s your team, Ino?”

Ino made a face. “Ugh! Asuma-sensei is strong, but he’s such a pushover!” she complained. “Shikamaru and Chouji keep going off doing their own thing. Yesterday, Shikamaru told Asuma-sensei the planets were out of line - or something - and that was why it was bad luck to spar amongst comrades or some crap, and Sensei believed him!”

Coming from Shikamaru, I thought it was probably more likely that Asuma had just given up rather than believing him. It did make me feel a little better that the others were struggling too.

“But you’re having fun, right, dear?” her mother asked. “This is the first time in weeks we’ve all sat down for a family dinner.”

“That’s just because Shikamaru and Chouji have figured out the more they resist, the more Asuma-sensei will reward them for doing something they should’ve done anyway,” Ino said flatly. “But I guess… They’re fine for boys.” An additional eye roll cemented what she usually thought of _boys_.

“Ise-kun, how are you holding up? You have Sakura-chan, don’t you?” Ino’s mother - I felt guilty every time I called her that - asked me.

“And Sasuke-kun,” Ino chimed in. Both her parents traded glances, her mother weary, her father indignant that an Actual Boy’s Name was brought up at his dinner table in his own house.

“And Naruto,” I said. “They’re fine. I think they regret not going with Tekeuchi-san, because they hate Kakashi.”

Ino eyed the bruise peeking out underneath my collar, which sounded risque and sexy but in actuality just hurt like hell. “It’d be worth it to be on the same team as Sasuke-kun,” she muttered. “If Forehead complains, I’d be willing to switch with her.”

“Absolutely not,” said Inoichi, finally relaxing enough for a good-natured jibe at a twelve year old’s expense. “I will not allow my daughter to go off with some - some _boy_.”

He said _boy_ like someone might say _flesh-eating bacteria_.

Ino giggled. “Don’t worry, Dad! I won’t give up on my training even after I get married!”

“That’s not what I was worried about!”

Ino’s mom just calmly kept eating. It was probably a rehash of an old argument, and neither Ino nor her father spoke with any heat. Of course they loved each other. Anyone with eyes could see how Inoichi looked at his family.

I didn’t miss other Ise’s parents, but it felt like I should have. Like I could have, if I had more of them left than a dream. They’d been dead long enough their touch was gone from my house. Though, I supposed, if they’d lived, other Ise would have moved out of the house once he reached adulthood.

Then I felt a twinge of guilt for thinking of them before my own parents, the ones on Earth. I hadn’t thought of them in more than passing. That probably made me a bad son.

“Ise?” Ino asked.

I blinked. Three pairs of concerned eyes stared back at me. “Sorry, I’m a little tired,” I said automatically. “Can you repeat that?”

“Just wondering if you weren’t feeling well?” Ino’s mother asked, a pointed glance at my bowl. I’d been pushing my food around with chopsticks for the past few minutes.

“I’m fine,” I said and shovelled the rest of the rice into my mouth, which saved me the hassle of explaining any more.

“Train with me after dinner,” Ino pleaded. “My dad showed me a kunai trick!”

“All right, all right,” I said, covering my mouth with my hand so nothing fell out.

After dinner, I offered to help with the dishes and Ino’s mother favored me with a look that suggested she knew exactly what my kitchen sink looked like. Ino ushered me out of the house, weapon pouch in hand. Inoichi followed soon after holding three mangoes and a fruit knife, settling on the porch. His watchful gaze hovered over our training, a blanket more than a cage.

“You’ll cut yourself, Ise!” Ino cried, adjusting my fingers on the shuriken. “Like this. Jeez. How’d you get to be a jounin if you can’t throw a shuriken right?”

I grinned, threw the shuriken, and hit the target in the center - closer than Ino had herself. “Like that?”

“Don’t look so pleased,” Ino said. “That’s the least you should be able to do.”

“Admit it, that was cool, wasn’t it?”

“It was all right.”

Teenagers sure were harsh.

...

A week in advance of the Chuunin Exams, the Hokage took nominations. He summoned Asuma, Kurenai, and me before the rest of the jounin sensei. Technically Kakashi was supposed to show up too, for supervision purposes and mental support, but it surprised no one he didn’t. That left the nomination up to me. Team 7 was much further along than they had been returning from our C-rank, and this Kakashi’s training was more intensive and focused than in the manga as well.

Still...the Chuunin Exams marked the turn in Sasuke’s character arc. Orochimaru would infiltrate, mark Sasuke, and assassinate the man in front of me. None of my kids were slated to advance anyway. The only real reason to nominate them was keeping the timeline the same - something I’d already fucked up.

I had promised though.

“As the jounin assigned to Team 7, I nominate Naruto Uzumaki, Sakura Haruno, and Sasuke Uchiha to take the Chuunin Exams.”

Asuma and Kurenai both parroted my words for their own teams. The nomination of all nine rookies sent ripples of unrest through the rest of the jounin. Iruka leapt up.

“Hokage-sama!”

“Yes, Iruka?”

I looked at Iruka and was met with a fierce glare that had me taking a step back. “Most of those kids were students of mine. They’re talented, yes, but they still need experience. I just don’t understand what the jounin are thinking.”

“Good thing you don’t have to,” I said cheerfully. Iruka clamped his mouth shut, a furious blush turning his tanned skin pink. It was probably a harsh thing to say when I had been doubting the nomination myself not a minute earlier, but I also didn’t think experience was the problem.

My kids were resilient.

I was still gonna be on Iruka’s shit list for a long time.

“I understand where Iruka-san is coming from,” Kurenai broke in to alleviate some of the tension. “But I also believe the Chuunin Exams will provide a great opportunity for our genin to learn and evolve.”

Asuma sighed, his hand twitching upward as if he wanted to light up. “They wanna grow up. I say we let them.”

The Hokage dipped his head. The brim of his wide hat obscured his face for a second. “Thank you for your concerns, Iruka,” he said. “This is unusual, but we should leave the children to their jounin sensei. Now, what about the other genin?”

Gai nominated his team, of course, and I tuned out for the rest. There wasn’t much point listening if I wouldn’t recognize any names. After the meeting dispersed, Kakashi appeared at my shoulder.

“Late,” I said.

He didn’t bother with an excuse. “Follow me.”

“My eternal rival!” Gai called. It was all the warning I got before he steamrolled past me, fist first. Kakashi neatly dodged the punch.

“Gai.”

“The next challenge! Both of our teams will be competing in the Chuunin Exams! My students will definitely outperform yours or we will all run around Konoha 100 times carrying buckets of water! Without spilling a single drop!”

Kakashi looked at me. “They’re not my team.”

“Don’t mind me,” I said. “I actually want to see that.”

“Fine.” Kakashi sighed. His sighs were more like slightly louder than normal exhales. “Challenge accepted. We’re off to train.”

“I will also go train! You won’t surpass me today, Kakashi!” Gai announced. He jolted as if he was going to rocket off but his eyes snagged on mine. “Ise. Good morning! I will not lose to you either!”

And _then_ he rocketed off.

Like that encounter was completely normal, Kakashi brushed it aside. “Let’s go.”

He walked me home. That was weird enough to think about that I actually didn’t realize where we were headed until he dropped me off at my doorstep. “Er. Did you want to come in?” I asked, opening the door and taking off my shoes by habit.

“Get your sword,” Kakashi said. I had no idea what he meant - I had only just learned how to properly throw a shuriken, from a twelve year old no less, and I definitely couldn’t use a sword.

Then I remembered the katana I’d seen on that first day. I’d thought it was Aoba’s weird Japanese fetish, but it turned out to be mine.

“Oh, yeah, let me just grab that.” I ducked into my room, grabbed it off my wall, and met Kakashi outside. As soon as he saw me, he took to the rooftops. I followed him to an empty training ground. “Am I gonna learn swordplay?”

“Mm. Shikaku-san asked me to teach you how Ise fought,” Kakashi said, taking the sword from my hands and setting it aside.

“Shikaku-sensei asked _you_?” I echoed. It was a 180 from Kakashi’s usual teaching methods, since he’d dedicated himself to drilling me on the basics. I had the sudden thought that maybe Shikaku didn’t want to teach me himself. It may have been hard for him to look into the face of the student he lost.

“I am the best suited to teach you.” I didn’t follow until Kakashi tapped his forehead protector, right over his Sharingan eye.

“Ah.”

“Unlike Gai, your physical abilities can’t keep up with higher level taijutsu forms, so you supplemented it with ninjutsu.” Without warning, he aimed a kick at my side; somehow, I twisted away, narrowly dodging his foot -

And thus was completely taken aback when I felt the impact of the attack. I hit a nearby tree and slid to the ground. “Oof… that fucking hurt.” Wincing as I picked myself up, I asked, “That was the ninjutsu part?”

“No. It was just chakra manipulation,” Kakashi said, voice short and clipped. His explanations always sounded more like a report. “Channel your chakra, and bring it to the outside of your body.”

I coaxed my chakra out easily enough - the advantages of jounin-level chakra pathways. It settled in a faint golden layer outside my skin.

“Now solidify it. You can use your chakra as a barrier to minimize damage to yourself.”

“Solidify what now?” I asked. Even “resting” outside my skin, my chakra was still fluid. That fluidity was the main reason I was able to keep the constant flow steady anyway.

“The chakra. It doesn’t have to be far, but just a couple of centimeters away from your skin will suffice,” Kakashi said. He raised an arm, pulling a layer of silvery chakra to the surface. The rippled surface of the chakra flattened out and stilled, and Kakashi plunged his fist into the ground. I yanked my head backwards to avoid the chunks of dirt flying into the air. When he pulled his hand out and shook it, his knuckles weren’t bruised or scratched at all. “Right now, you aren’t controlling the chakra outside of your body, so it keeps escaping and you have to keep sending more chakra out. You’ll drain yourself that way.”

“Sorry for not knowing how to make magic armor,” I griped, but I tried to mimic what Kakashi had done. Taking a deep breath, I visualized the outline of my chakra flatlining. It felt a lot like attempting telepathy, like I was trying to change its form by sheer force of will.

I pulled the chakra layer closer to my skin, thinning it out as much as I could. It didn’t harden.

“How is this even - “

I cut myself off when Kakashi suddenly charged at me and lunged to the side, losing control of the chakra. The golden layer dispersed into the atmosphere.

“Keep trying,” Kakashi ordered as he aimed a punch at my chin.

“What? No!” I said. “Stop attacking me!”

An annoyed eye twitch. “You do worse when you have time to think about what you’re doing.” I dropped to a crouch to avoid a high kick. “We’re going to _make_ your body remember how to form chakra barriers.”

Since 90% of my attention span was now dedicated to _trying not to get destroyed_ , I didn’t respond. I tried to funnel the last 10% into the chakra barrier. A burst of golden chakra flickered around me but I lost control of it rolling out of the way of a water release jutsu.

Kakashi was on me in a flash, clipping me in the shoulder with an elbow. He reared back for a second strike, and I channelled my chakra to the spot where he was aiming. The golden chakra bubbled over my chest, erratically coagulating in uneven places. It wasn’t enough to actually shield me, though, and I received a punch in the solar plexus for my troubles.

It drove the breath from my lungs, and a reflexive kick amidst the pain pried Kakashi off of me. We both staggered to our feet.

“Good,” he said, “but not enough. What did you do there?”

“I just, uh, pushed a lot of chakra in one spot,” I said. It had been less of a controlled action and more a desperate overcompensation.

“Do it again.”

So I did. Pushing my chakra into a concentrated spot near my arm, I recreated the misshapen bulge. When Kakashi waved his hand through it, he met a slight resistance even though he did manage to pull through.

“Condense it more,” he said. “Your control isn’t tight enough.”

I gritted my teeth and pulled the chakra closer without losing any density. Kakashi slapped it with the flat of his palm. His momentum stopped just before our skin made contacted, and his hand hovered a hair’s breadth over my arm. Surprised, I dropped the chakra barrier.

“Was...was that it?”

Kakashi withdrew his hand. “Closer. That will be passable for today, but you’ll need to work on making it stronger. It takes too much of your attention right now.”

“So how does the katana come into this?” I asked, pointing to the sword Kakashi hadn’t touched since he’d discarded it.

He paused. “This is a ninjato,” he said.

“O-oh.” I shrugged. “I just assumed all Japanese swords were katanas.”

“Japanese?”

“...it’s something from my world. Don’t worry about it.”

Kakashi picked up the ninjato, drawing it in a fluid movement. The sword was short and straight with a square guard. “This is a special chakra blade designed absorb your chakra. It’s the second element of your fighting style.” Throwing the sheath to the side, Kakashi shifted his forehead protector with his newly freed hand to expose his Sharingan.

“Asuma uses something like this, right?” I asked. “With his wind element. Makes the blade sharper or something.”

“Right,” Kakashi said. “But your element is fire.”

“Yeah. So it’ll become really hot or something?” I paused. “That’s not very effective for killing, is it? The wound would cauterize…”

Kakashi pursed his lips but evidently decided showing me would be more fruitful than explaining. “Observe.”

He held out the sword from his body and pushed some chakra into it. Flames sprung from the guard, spiralling down to cover the blade with a ferocity and heat I could feel standing a few feet away. Worse, the flames didn’t stop at just covering the sword. They rose up from the hilt and consumed Kakashi’s arm and torso in quick succession. Eventually, a writhing pyre of flames surrounded the entirety of his body.

I squinted. “How is this practical?”

“You use taijutsu,” Kakashi said, talking normally as if he was not literally on fire. “It’s effective.”

I conceded the point. I wouldn’t want him to punch me with fire either. “So...you’re not dying, but does the fire thing hurt?”

“No.” It was the obvious answer, but it was still hard to imagine. Then again, it wasn’t like he and Sasuke electrocuted themselves with Chidori either. Kakashi cancelled the technique - or whatever he’d been doing - and the fire vanished as quickly as it had risen.

Still wary, I took the sword from him. The grip was still warm.

“Just feed it a little fire chakra,” Kakashi said.

I did so, grimacing. Fire release came more or less naturally once I’d started using my chakra regularly, and while I didn’t know the science behind it, I was glad I didn’t have to spend months or however long remastering it. Despite manga-Kakashi’s claims that jounin all had access to two or more elements, I had a lot more difficulty doing the earth exercises Aoba gave me.

The ninjato’s guard sparked and then caught fire, expanding much faster than expected. I gasped and dropped the sword, and the flames spluttered out in the dirt.

“Sorry,” I muttered, picking it back up. It hadn’t hurt, but the sensation still wasn’t pleasant. There was warmth, yes, but also - something taut and powerful. Like pulling a tape measure to its maximum length and suspending it, one wrong move from a terrifying whiplash.

“Not too much,” Kakashi warned. “Fire transformation is the most dangerous. If you let it, it will eat up all of your chakra reserves.”

“Yeah, yeah…” This time I pushed only a thread of chakra into the sword and was rewarded by a thin wreath of spiralling fire. It circled my wrist and crawled down the blade of the ninjato. As the flames crept higher, something burst in my chest and an intense, bubbly airiness flooded over me. It was quickly extinguished by a squirt of water courtesy of Kakashi.

“Don’t get carried away,” he said as I staggered, lightheaded. “You were about to lose control.”

“I wasn’t putting in too much chakra,” I said, blinking to clear the spots from my vision. “Should I also not get excited about actually succeeding?”

“It’s about mindset,” Kakashi said. “That excitement can lead to overconfidence. Don’t put too much stock in the fire. It will take any power you cede to it. Stay in control.”

“Ugh. The manga didn’t mention that so much of training would be about mental control,” I muttered.

Kakashi ignored the first part of that admission. “We have meditation and kata for a reason,” he reminded me.

“I do those, but it’s just boring.”

“You sound like Naruto.”

I snapped upright, fixing him with a glare. “I do not.” Kakashi didn’t even need to respond to that. “If I’m Naruto, you’re Sasuke, always skulking around and thinking you’re so edgy.”

Flames sprung up from the ninjato’s hilt again as I pushed my chakra into it. This time, I brandished the sword at Kakashi. If he was so eager to push me into a real combat situation, we’d see how _he_ dealt with sudden attacks.

Predictably, the answer was “pretty well.” Kakashi flipped out of the way with enviable grace - somehow without getting dizzy - and landed a few feet away. The force of my strike wedged my sword into a tree trunk, which proceeded to ignite, because… well, it was a tree.

“Shit!” I pulled my chakra out of the sword, extinguishing the fire around me, but the tree continued to burn. Swatting at the flames, I discovered that they were quite different from the actual technique and _burned_. “Shit!” I repeated with much more venom.

Kakashi spat out another jet of water to soak the tree and snatched away my wrist. Inspecting the burn, he shook his head. “It’s fire. Don’t touch it.”

I winced at his grip. His bedside manner left a lot to be desired. “It didn’t hurt me before. How was I supposed to know it would this time?”

“It won’t hurt you as long as it is connected to your chakra through the jutsu,” Kakashi explained. He considered using a water jutsu but decided against it, leading me to the river. “But when you release it, it just becomes regular fire.”

“That makes as much sense as anything else, I guess.” I sighed as he dipped my hand into the water.

“Can you hold your sword with that?” Before I could answer, Kakashi decided for me. “Go home. Put some salve on that. We’ll continue this later. You still need to learn how to actually wield it.”

“Are you feeling all right?” I asked.

“What?”

“The real Kakashi would never show me mercy… He’d keep pushing me until I begged him to take a break,” I said.

It wasn’t in Kakashi’s character to roll his eyes, but he certainly got the sentiment across well enough. Folding his arms, he said, “I’ll change my mind.”

“Well, it’s been fun, but I better be going!” I said brightly. Drying my hands on my pants, I went back to retrieve the ninjato. “Are you gonna come break the news to the kids tomorrow?”

Kakashi trailed after me. He’d adjusted his forehead protector to cover one eye again. “Maybe.”

“I’ll make pancakes,” I offered.

“...I don’t like sweets.”

I blinked. “Could you try to be a little less of a cliche?” In response, Kakashi turned his back and began walking away. I called after him. “9 A.M.! My house! I’ll make...rice! And...and egg!”

He didn’t stop, but I hadn’t expected him to. Hm. He always seemed to put results first, but maybe he was warming up to me. I sheathed the ninjato and hissed as the hilt dug into my burn. Or maybe he just had enough experience evaluating training wounds.

...

Aoba ambushed me outside the compound, carrying two bags of takeout (terrible eating habits seemed to be a staple of the ninja lifestyle). His gaze dropped to the ninjato and he looked surprised for all of a second before a large grin overtook his face.

“Konoha’s Wall of Fire finally making a reappearance, huh?” he asked.

It took me a moment to parse through those words, which all made sense individually. “Oh god. For the love of all that is holy, please tell me that is not what people call me.”

“O.K. It’s not what people call you.”

“ _Aoba_.”

He laughed, bright and warm. “I’m just teasing you. It’s not what people call you. Gai came up with it back when he was thinking of a nickname for himself, and I think it’s hilarious. ‘Cuz it’s a play on the Will of - “

“I get the _joke_ , Aoba.” I groaned. I could totally believe it was a monstrosity out of Gai’s imagination. “And other me, he liked it?”

“You put up with it out of love.”

I unsheathed the sword.

“Kidding, kidding!” Aoba yelped, but he couldn’t keep an unrepentant smirk off his face. “Peace offering?”

I peered into the proffered takeout bags. “Fine. This is acceptable. Are you coming in?”

“Yup.”

Leaving the door open for him, I slid off my shoes and wandered over to the bedroom to drop off the sword and figure out where other Ise kept his first aid kit. By the time I returned, Aoba had already set everything up on the kitchen table. He’d produced a bottle of sake from god-knows-where (between that and the fish Gai had found, I was beginning to think other Ise kept a secret fridge somewhere). I snagged the glass he finished pouring as I walked past.

“What’s the celebration for?” I asked.

“Avoiding Chuunin Exam duty!” Aoba said. “Tonbo was originally gonna work during the first part, but they took him off as punishment for the us-conspiring thing. Shikaku-sensei considered putting me _on_ duty as a punishment, but none of the proctors wanted me.”

“That’s a good thing?”

“Yeah. This year it’s Ibiki, Anko, and Hayate. I wouldn’t want to get mixed up in whatever sadistic tests they whipped up.” Aoba served himself a generous helping of yakisoba. “I hear your kids are in, though. It’s stirred up a frenzy.”

“The part where my team has a jinchuuriki and an Uchiha, the thing with the Rookie 9, or the part where I told Iruka to fuck off?” I asked.

“You did what now?”

“He basically implied I didn’t know how to do my job. Which, now that I say it out loud, is not incorrect. All right, I was out of line, but you should take my side anyway.”

“Oh, yeah, I love it when you strike terror in the hearts of the chuunin,” Aoba said.

I flicked a stray noodle at him. It clipped him in the face and fell to the floor, where I’d probably have to clean it up later. Did noodles mold or attract pests? “Shut up.”

“You think your kids’ll pass then?” he asked, unfazed.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Kakashi’s been training them… They haven’t had as long as the other genin, but I don’t think Kakashi understands human limitations, so it might even out.”

“Yeah, it’s wild you even got him to agree.” Aoba brought his cup to his lips. “He’s been avoiding us for years. Gai’s the only one who really dragged him out anywhere, but then the other day Gai suddenly burst into the lounge with a schedule and had all of us sign up to ambush him.”

“I won’t pretend that wasn’t partially my fault.”

“Genma invited him to dinner and almost lost a hand,” Aoba said, waving his fingers in my face to emphasize his point.

I dabbed the corner of my mouth with a napkin. “It’s good for Kakashi.”

“He led Raidou on a three hour chase around the village.”

“That sounds less like Kakashi is wasting your time and more like you guys don’t really have any hobbies,” I said.

Aoba placed his hand on his chest and opened his mouth in mock offense. He had a little bit of noodle and half-chewed broccoli stuck to his teeth. “See if I grace you with my very valuable free time ever again.”

“Yeah, terrorize Kakashi instead.” I scraped the last bits of food to the edge of the plate with my chopsticks, preparing to scoop them into my mouth. “Gai said he'd recruit the rest of you guys but this is actually the first I've heard of it.”

“We’re not supposed to bother him when he's teaching,” Aoba explained. “And he already figured out our schedules, so we mostly hunt him down when we’re bored.”

That actually sounded terrible. I thought of something. “Wait, do you think he’s mad? Is _that_ why he kicks the shit out of me during training? I thought he was just a monster.”

Aoba shrugged, pushing aside his plate and turning to the sake in earnest. “Beats me. He doesn't train with any of us. You're better off asking Gai, except that you aren't better off at all.”

“Yeah, I gathered that he thinks all training is good training.” Kakashi hadn't complained about the kids since the pillow fight; though he resisted initially, once he’d actually undertaken the mission he treated it with the same stoic efficiency he treated everything else. “I didn't realize I had such a monopoly.”

“Well, it's in everyone's best interests you get back to normal as soon as possible,” Aoba said. “Hatake's the only one who can copy what you do exactly.”

The Wall of Fire. The pun filtered into my mind against my will and I hated myself for it. If it had been anyone else, I would have jumped on the joke - it was equally as great and terrible as Gai’s Sublime Green Beast.

“Why is that? Who’d I learn from?” I said.

“You developed it yourself. I guess Shikaku-sensei had the idea, but he’s not the taijutsu type. It's not really something other people can use either.”

“It isn't that complicated, I don't think.”

“Yeah, well. I don’t understand it exactly, but something something it’s a constant chakra drain so it’s not the most efficient way to fight. Most people just use that chakra for normal ninjutsu, but you’ve always had _something_ against doing things the easy way.”

Other Ise sounded like a pain in the ass, to be honest. Still, it worked out for me even though he obviously hadn’t been anticipating this kind of situation. “I guess it’s easier to figure out how to swing a sword then - do jutsu stuff. Although Kakashi was teaching me about, uh, chakra armor earlier? That shit is crazy.”

“Oh yeah, no one likes that,” Aoba said cheerfully. “It’s something a lot of strong ninja do to a lesser degree to soften blows they take and stuff, but it’s balls to learn. You had to spend a lot more time developing a stronger technique.”

The more Aoba talked, the more I noticed the way he spoke - not quite bragging, but proud. It was embarrassing, how he looked at me. “You’re kind of like a dad,” I said.

Aoba squawked. “That is...the rudest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“You don’t have to be ashamed,” I told him, straight-faced. “Getting gray hairs is a natural part of life.”

“I’m barely older than you!” he said. “If anything, I am like a charming, experienced older brother.”

“Yet somehow I’m a higher rank,” I pointed out.

Aoba’s cheeks were pink, but it was difficult to pinpoint where the indignation ended and the sake began. He opened and closed his mouth several times in succession. “You’ve wounded me to my very soul,” he sniffed, grabbing his chest over his heart.

I chuckled. “Yeah, that was uncalled for. What I meant was just...there wasn’t any rivalry between you two? Like, you _aren’t_ upset he passed you. When you talk about him, you’re genuinely happy.”

Something in Aoba’s expression changed, but his cheeks remained very pink. “Well, you know… Sensei beat any competitiveness out of us that first week. I just… Jeez, don’t say something like that out of the blue. It’s weird.”

“Sorry.” I stood up, collecting our plates to take them to the sink. I didn’t have a tactful way to breach the subject, how he kept addressing me like other Ise. Aoba talked a big game but he showed his care in his actions. I could only imagine what they’d been through together - Aoba, Tonbo, and the other me.

Aoba hid his face with the sake, setting aside his cup and drinking straight from the bottle. What expression would he make if it turned out none of this could be reversed and his best friend was lost forever?

What if it could be reversed, and other Ise came back? I’d go back to New York, to answering two hundred emails a day and pretending the world of _Naruto_ belonged only to weebs and preteens.

Aoba wanted his friend back, and who was I?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a breather chapter to prepare for the shitstorm next chapter
> 
> ise's name is written in hiragana (as per other naruto charas), but if it WERE written in kanji, the second kanji would be 世, meaning world. the "ablaze" part of the title refers to the land of fire/will of fire, and also his fighting style. the "world" part could mean the naruto world/land of fire, or the non-literal interpretation that ise's life has gone up in flames. of course, i chose the name ise and the title world ablaze (i liked how they sounded lol) before figuring any of that out, but it's funny how things work out


	10. Ise Gets Propositioned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ise escapes selling Naruto to the devil, accidentally uncovers a masochistic streak, and finds out how thoroughly he’s fucked up the canon plotline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry

It didn’t register until Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura had disappeared into the exam building, but the Chuunin Exams were supposed to be the last stretch of my responsibilities as a jounin sensei. I was no longer allowed to do anything - the first two parts of the exam would unfold away from my influence. The culmination of my teaching.

I wasn’t too worried about Ibiki’s test, but the Forest of Death… Orochimaru would attack there, and I would have to pretend to be none the wiser. I couldn’t remember who had driven him away, or if he’d marked Sasuke and left of his own volition.

On the third night of the Chuunin Exams, Danzo knocked on my door. His chakra signature was unfamiliar and familiar all at once, but I didn't feel any hostile intent. I almost shut the door in his face when I recognized him.

“Danzo. Sama. I wasn't expecting you,” I stammered.

“Ise Yamanaka,” he said. “Good evening. Will you invite me in?”

I instinctively moved to cover the doorway with my body but I didn't have a real reason to turn him down. “Er, it's a mess…” I hedged.

“Please, this will not be difficult if you cooperate.”

Fuck fuck fuck fuck. To be honest I didn't know much about Danzo. As far as characters went, this guy was a real snoozefest, and I hadn't paid much attention to his movements in the manga. That was something I was obviously regretting now that he was standing on my doorstep.

“Forgive me,” I said, discreetly scanning the night behind him for spooky Root officers who might have tailed him as I moved aside. I couldn't sense any, and I wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or offended. “Watch your step.”

Danzo did not begin spewing evil death poison as soon as the door was closed and was in fact rather attentive to his manners. After kicking a book on intermediate taijutsu forms under the couch, I offered him the teapot (yearning for the sake Aoba and I had finished off just a week earlier). He poured me a cup too, managing quite well with only one arm. Accepting it with a strained smile, I set it aside to pour down the drain later.

“What can I do for you? Danzo-sama,” I tacked on, unsure what the proper address for a man of his station was. I didn't even know what his official job title was. Shadow Hokage? Secret mastermind?

“You may be at ease” He smiled. It deepened the lines on his face instead of softening them. “This is an informal visit. We have not had the opportunity to speak about your students.”

I was so, so fucked.

It had never crossed my mind that the jounin sensei of the freaking Kyuubi and the last Uchiha might draw some unsavory attention beyond my ineptitude as a teacher, but that was an obvious oversight on my part. I didn’t know how many pies Danzo had stuck his fingers into, but my guess was all of them.

Had Kakashi gotten a visit in the manga? Or did he have some kind of connection that saved him, one that I wasn’t privy to? I wondered what I had done in particular to draw Danzo’s eye for all of a second before it hit me.

The debacle with Orochimaru.

I shouldn’t be allowed to exist without supervision.

“They’re doing great!” I said, too loud. “Really great kids, thanks for asking. Sweet, caring kids. Super loyal to the village. Nothing, nothing to see here at all.”

Danzo let me continue digging my hole without batting an eye. He raised the cup to his lips and took a slow sip. “You have been a great boon to Konoha,” he said when I decided it was time to close my mouth. “A lesser man may not have set aside his prejudices given the nature of your student.”

Student. Singular. “Yes. Well. Naruto isn’t the Kyuubi.”

“But he does have the Kyuubi’s power at his disposal,” Danzo countered. “The power to kill any man, destroy families, and uproot entire villages.”

I pursed my lips. Had that pun been intentional? “One day,” I said. “He is still a child.”

“The report for your mission to Suna indicates that he accessed the Kyuubi’s chakra,” Danzo said.

“He wasn’t a danger to his teammates,” I said automatically. “It was a defense response.”

Danzo paused, his uncovered eye searching my face for something. “That was not a condemnation.”

“...I apologize for misspeaking.”

“If the jinchuuriki has access to such power, it would be a waste not to use it,” Danzo continued. “It would be equally irresponsible to overlook danger because you believe such a situation is unlikely to occur, am I mistaken?”

“No, Danzo-sama, you are quite correct,” I said.

“The Kazekage has sent a jinchuuriki to participate in the Chuunin Exams,” Danzo said. “He possesses much more control over his powers than Naruto Uzumaki. I believe this to be a political move on Suna’s part. A retaliation for the Kyuubi.”

“Suna’s an ally,” I said because it was the expected response.

“You don’t believe that.”

My recollection of the Kazekage was fuzzy, except the part where he was Gaara’s father and had tried to have Gaara assassinated. I wasn’t inclined to think fondly of him; Gaara’s uncle had been hot.

“As you said, Danzo-sama. It would be unwise to overlook potential danger. At the very least, we can prepare for the event of treachery. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and all that.”

Danzo didn’t look familiar with the expression, but he nodded and stroked the scar on his chin. “Very true.” There was almost a purr in his voice, except evil old men didn’t purr. “The boy has already displayed violent tendencies during his stay here.”

“And you haven’t removed him?”

“It’s the Yondaime’s damnable alliance,” Danzo said, not bothering to hide his distaste. “The jinchuuriki’s actions are excusable under the rules of the Chuunin Exams.”

That made sense. I recalled some lore about the Chuunin Exams taking the place of war; detestable as it was, it was probably a preferable political maneuver for a few kids to duke it out each year than the alternative.

“This sounds like something you should be discussing with the Hokage,” I said. “What do you want me to do about it?”

I realized too late that there was a better way to phrase that question without practically volunteering.

“Hiruzen...is not as rational as you and I are,” Danzo said, taking on a gravitas like he was divulging a great secret instead of propaganda. “He is soft and inclined to see good in everyone...which makes him blind to political machinations.”

“Those qualities make him a good leader,” I put in.

“He believed that preventing people from talking about the Kyuubi would help the jinchuuriki,” Danzo said. Which. Was not the Hokage’s greatest moment, admittedly.

“You disagreed?”

“Hatred of the Kyuubi is an emotional response, not a rational one,” Danzo said. “We gained nothing from keeping the jinchuuriki from his own potential.”

“That’s...sensible.” The most frustrating thing about talking to Danzo was how much goddamn sense he made. I knew (however vaguely) that he was capable of terrible things. I knew, and yet nothing he was saying _felt_ radical and amoral.

Of course he couldn’t have made it this far without the ability to make people listen to him, but I’d underestimated how good he’d be at talking.

“The third test of the Exams will be the tournament. I would have Naruto Uzumaki learn to control the Kyuubi and defeat the Suna jinchuuriki,” Danzo said. “It would be an appropriate display of Konoha’s power.”

“That is outside my expertise,” I said carefully. The request itself seemed inoffensive. Gaining the Kyuubi’s powers was already part of Naruto’s character arc.

“Release him into my care.” Ah. The trap sprung. “I will see that he is strong enough.”

“I don’t...think that will be necessary.” My mind raced for some kind of diversion, some alternative, but Danzo was definitely better equipped to deal with tailed beasts than I was. If I had time, I could ask someone - the Hokage, maybe. No, Danzo might catch wind of that, and if the Sandaime had any intention of giving Naruto access to the Kyuubi’s power, Danzo probably wouldn’t have needed to approach me in the dead of the night for this. The library may have had resources, or… Well, I had my fallback explanation.

“Is that a problem?” Danzo asked.

“Unfortunately,” I said, affecting my most apologetic smile. “You see, I’ve impressed my students with the importance of teamwork. Our training revolves around the three of them learning from and supporting each other. I would need to consider all the ways Naruto’s absence might affect the development of my other students.”

Danzo’s grip on his cup, long empty of tea, tightened. “You would prioritize these other students over the good of Konoha.”

“On the contrary! I was fortunate enough to oversee Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno. The former, as you well know, is the sole survivor of the massacre and the last Uchiha Konoha has,” I said, emphasizing that last clause, “and Sakura has greater chakra control than most jounin. I’m sure they will be boons to Konoha. Why, given three or four years, they may even rival the Sannin - provided nothing interrupted their progress. So allow me a few more days to consider your kind offer.”

Despite the fact I’d gone out of my way at the end to stroke his ego, my demurral did not please Danzo. He smiled thinly. It didn’t reach his eye. “I see. Then I look forward to hearing your answer. ”

He did not sound thankful, but I pretended he did. “You are very gracious, Danzo-sama. Let me see you out.”

I cheerfully waved him off and slumped to the ground after shutting the door. “Holy _fuck_.”

I’d been tense during the discussion, but now the adrenaline crashed through me. I couldn’t just sit on the ground after all that had happened. Jumping back to my feet, I paced through my living room and then decided that wasn’t productive enough in either solving the problem or burning my energy.

I grabbed my ninjato, half-unsheathed in the hallway where I’d thrown it, and my shoes and was halfway to Kakashi’s apartment before I even decided where I was going. As always, his complex was two-thirds deserted, but I could feel his presence in his bedroom. I rapped on his door.

Belatedly, I realized that people usually slept during this hour. I had a few seconds to consider which would be ruder: showing up at an acquaintance slash coworker’s house at near 2 AM or doing what was basically a 28-year-old’s equivalent of ding-dong-ditching. The door opened before I’d made a decision.

Kakashi blinked at me, face impassive. I couldn’t tell if it was from waking up or if he was just confused as to why I was on his doorstep. He was wearing his mask, and his hair looked no messier than usual. He’d come from his bedroom though, and there were only so many ways to entertain yourself there.

“Uh, I, uh. Danzo visited me. I don’t know where Gai lives. Beat me up some more.”

Hmm. That made more sense in my head.

His gaze dropped to my ninjato. “Let me get my sword,” he said.

I grinned. Leave it to Kakashi to have a disregard for healthy lifestyle decisions equivalent only to his tendency to overtrain.

Like his approach to many areas of teaching, Kakashi prescribed to the “sink or swim” method of teaching swordplay, meaning we sparred until dawn and my hands literally would not hold a sword anymore. He knelt over where I lay on the ground and pried my fingers open. I held back a whimper.

“You should go to the hospital,” he said, examining my hand. “This may be broken.”

“Carry me,” I said. “I think my legs are also broken.”

Neither of us moved to get medical attention. Kakashi sheathed his sword and set it beside mine. “What did Danzo say?”

“He wants Naruto.” I yawned, pleasantly sore. After a few hours of sleep, I would probably be horrified I’d come to enjoy the soreness associated with the hours of straight abuse that characterized Kakashi’s training sessions, but that was a personal crisis I could handle at a later time. “To train his jinchuuriki powers. To fight the Suna jinchuuriki.”

“You turned him down,” Kakashi said. It wasn’t a question, but not a definitive guess either. A hope, maybe.

“Am I allowed to?”

“He threatened you.”

“No. No, nothing like that.” My words weren’t coming out right. The lightening sky hurt my eyes, so I closed them. “The Suna jinchuuriki… He’s dangerous.”

I felt Kakashi move closer. “Oh?” Deceptive indifference.

“His name’s Gaara. He murders people with sand. He’s evil now, but he’s good inside. Naruto will befriend him. He’ll become Kazekage.”

“But you can’t tell Danzo that,” Kakashi filled in.

“And ‘he becomes good’ won’t placate the people he’s going to kill now either,” I said.

“Hm.”

“See? My life is really hard,” I complained, batting my hand in his general direction. A jolt of pain reminded me why that was a bad idea. Kakashi’s fingers closed around my wrist before I could do something like really fuck up my hand. “That’s why you should at least come to team dinners when I invite you…”

Kakashi’s breath stuttered, suspiciously like a laugh except that it was still Kakashi. When he spoke, his voice was as steady as ever. “Don’t give him Naruto.”

“I wasn’t going to… But I do want Naruto to learn how to control the Kyuubi,” I said.

He drew away for a moment, and I heard the distinctive clatter of the swords against their sheaths. A few seconds later, I felt Kakashi exhale and then his arms folded around me as he lifted me up.

“No,” I said when my head banged against his collarbone. I had no idea how he had the strength to carry me after training. “Down.”

“Hospital,” he said.

“Mrgrm,” I said, but my discontent was interrupted by a yawn.

Kakashi started moving. He was not good at carrying people, neither steady enough to make the ride comfortable nor attentive enough to avoid banging my legs against passing trees. “Don’t give Naruto to Danzo. I’ll find a way.”

...

On the fifth day of the Chuunin Exams, all exam staff and jounin sensei were ordered to report to the tower where the preliminaries would take place. I persuaded Kakashi to show up on time, by which I mean I scoured the village for his chakra signature and physically dragged him over.

“That’s cheating,” Kakashi said as we arrived.

“Yeah, I know, I really should have tried it sooner.”

My eyes flicked to Sasuke as we joined the other jounin behind Anko and Ibiki. He looked harried and favored his right leg, but his injuries didn’t appear worse than the other genin’s. After ribbing Anko about how many kids she passed in the second round, we stood at attention during the preliminary explanation.

No one mentioned Orochimaru or the cursed seal. No one had contacted me about Sasuke during the five days of the second round either. I searched out the Sound nin among the genin and found them definitely present. Puzzled, I missed when Hayate stepped back and announced the first match.

The large screen lit up with the names of the first contestant. I raised my eyebrows.

“The first match will be between Inuzuka Kiba and Sasuke Uchiha,” Hayate announced.

That was. New. I didn’t remember who Sasuke had fought in the manga, but Kiba had definitely fought Naruto. That fart had been memorable. Either my machinations had had some butterfly effect on the results of the randomizer or the matches were randomized even across different timelines. I didn’t know how RNGs worked, but it was probably impressive.

Hayate sent the rest of us up onto the second floor to watch, and Naruto and Sakura glued themselves to my side.

“How was the Forest of Death?” I asked, aiming for casual.

“It was gross,” Naruto said. “There were these giant centipedes, and slugs that fell out of the trees, and Sakura almost opened the scroll but then Kabuto told her not to.”

“Did not!” Sakura cried. “That was all you!”

I’d completely forgotten Kabuto existed, and a quick glance around the room confirmed he’d forfeited somewhere along the way. “You guys are...holding up all right? All three of you?”

“Naruto used a lot of chakra today,” Sakura said, biting her lip.

“Do you think Sasuke can win this fight?” I interrupted. Kakashi coughed at my subtlety. Naruto and Sakura didn’t even glance at where Sasuke was taking up a battle position, instead turning wide eyes towards me.

“Of course he can. He’s Sasuke,” Sakura said at the same time Naruto grinned nastily.

“I’ll _never_ let him live it down if he lets Kiba beat him!”

“Fair points,” I said and leaned back against the wall.

Hm.

Kakashi slid in next to me, doing casual a lot better than I had. “Worried about something?” he murmured.

“No. Just…” No one was paying attention to us, since Sasuke and Kiba had sprung into action. Akamaru transformed into a second Kiba. “In my timeline, Orochimaru marked Sasuke with some kind of seal.”

“During the Chuunin Exams?” Kakashi asked, eyes narrowed.

“He, uh, disguised himself as a genin. I think.”

“Is he here?”

I looked at the three Sound nin about four teams away, though they seemed fixated on Sasuke’s match. Their jounin sensei, a buxom blonde woman, met my eyes. She smiled.

“I don’t think so,” I said slowly, looking back at fight. I could still feel her gaze on me. “I think I changed his mind. When we spoke.”

Kakashi turned his one-eyed stare at me. “You’re working with Orochimaru?”

“No!” It was loud enough to draw Sakura and Naruto’s attention, and I smiled at them until Kiba called out another spinning combination attack. Sasuke was actually struggling to do any damage against Kiba’s clan techniques, which repelled his fire jutsu. “I’m not working with him.”

I’d only met him the once, and he hadn’t even asked me to spy or anything. All I’d done was tell him...about… Shit.

“Am I _working with Orochimaru_?” I said, aghast.

Kakashi did the thing where he clearly wanted to roll his eye but didn’t. “No wonder the Hokage wanted to assign someone to supervise you,” he said.

“Hey, we’re good for you too. See, a sense of humor and everything,” I said.

Sasuke and Kiba were at a standstill, with Sasuke unable to land a hit on Kiba but still clever enough to evade Kiba’s attacks. “Unlucky matchup,” Kakashi observed.

Naruto climbed onto the railing. “C’mon, you emo bastard! Use your head or all your fangirls are gonna think you’re only good for your looks!”

I pried him off the railing before Hayate could decide Naruto was interrupting the match. Still, his words revitalized Sasuke, who sneered at Kiba. “I don’t need you to tell me that, moron!” he called, leaping back into the fray.

Kiba was faster than him, but his attacks were relatively straightforward, relying on Akamaru’s transformation and the power of a lone jutsu. If I focused in on their chakra, I could detect faint differences, though I didn’t know Kiba well enough to match his chakra to him. Sasuke jumped to the side to dodge one attack and tried to capitalize on the moment Kiba - or Akamaru - stopped spinning with a kick. Unfortunately, the other Kiba forced Sasuke away before the kick could land.

Sasuke wasted no time creating two clones.

“That’s not gonna trick me!” Kiba cried, honing in on the farthest Sasuke and pouncing. They traded blows. The more they fought, the more I wondered whether Naruto’s victory had been a fluke, because Kiba was much more competent than his rowdy personality and manga track record had led me to believe. That thought was followed by the slightly less welcome question of whether people’s strengths were determined by the mangaka in my world or if the mangaka’s ideas had freakishly coincided with the reality in this one. I stopped thinking about it.

Every time Kiba dispersed one of Sasuke’s clones, Sasuke created two new ones. He would run out of chakra if this kept up, but Kiba was hesitating, the visuals of numerous Sasukes interfering with the information he gathered with his nose.

“I don’t need my sight,” Kiba snapped. Both he and Akamaru closed their eyes and dropped to all fours in preparation for another jutsu.

Wordlessly, Sasuke produced a kunai, which would have little effect on the Inuzuka vortex technique. But he didn’t attack Kiba with it; instead, he sliced a deep line down his own left forearm. I frowned. He shouldn’t have had any summoning techniques that required blood.

Sasuke rolled out of the way of one Kiba in the same motion he tore half of his shirt off, pressing it against the rivulets of blood streaming down his arm.

“Just let me hit you already,” Kiba snarled. Heeding him, Sasuke ran forward, dodging one Kiba but letting the other skim past. The instant the second vortex stopped spinning, Sasuke pounced. The first Kiba intercepted him, forcing Sasuke to duck. In a blink-and-you’d-miss-it instant, Sasuke swapped his bloodied cloth with one of the kunai in Kiba’s holster. He leapt away from another kick and cut the rest of his shirt off with the ill-gotten kunai.

Sakura’s face was red, and Naruto was also flustered. “The hell’s he doing, stripping at a time like this?” he hissed.

“Creative use of the body replacement technique,” was Kakashi’s helpful input.

“Sakura, have you figured out what he’s doing?” I asked.

“U-uh, well…” Sakura started to talk but she accidentally looked at Sasuke’s shirtless torso again and clamped her mouth shut.

“The blood,” I prompted.

“He’s using the scent of his blood to confuse them,” Sakura forced out in a rush. “The clones were to force Kiba to rely on his scent of smell, and then he’s swapping his blood to mix his scent with theirs.” Question answered, she returned to pretending to stare at her hands while periodically peeking back at the battle.

“Hmm...I could’ve figured that out by myself,” Naruto said.

“I don’t doubt that.” But I had thought Sakura needed the distraction more.

The Kibas had stopped, scrunching their noses as they parsed through the smells in the air. Their sense of smell was definitely powerful enough to distinguish between the real Sasuke and the bloodied rags he’d left behind in a few seconds - but it cost them those seconds.

Sasuke closed in on one of the Kibas in an instant. Kiba flinched back, sensing his approach, but it wasn’t enough to evade the onslaught of Sasuke’s attack. The second Kiba staggered closer but couldn’t do much with Sasuke locked in combat with his ally. Sasuke slammed his foot down on Kiba’s stomach, and with a puff of smoke, the Kiba turned back into Akamaru.

Then Kiba made a mistake. He opened his eyes.

The fatal moments it took to reorient himself lost him the match. Sasuke threw Akamaru at Kiba and went on the offensive again, sending a large fireball their way. He followed up with a flawless taijutsu sequence, slamming Kiba back on the floor. He didn’t get up again.

Hayate knelt beside Kiba. “Sasuke Uchiha has passed the preliminaries.”

Sasuke tucked his hands into his pockets and started back up the stairs, stoic as ever. That was impressive, considering he was still shirtless.

“No, you don’t, mister,” I called. “Get your ass to the infirmary.”

Even at this distance, I could see him roll his eyes.

“I will _carry you there myself_.”

“And put on a shirt!” Naruto added.

Sasuke flipped him off as he stalked over to the med-nin on standby. Meanwhile, the board selected its next match: Ino Yamanaka and Hinata Hyuuga.

Ino cheerfully took Sasuke’s place on the battlefield, waving first to her team (only Chouji waved back; Asuma was looking at Kurenai and Shikamaru only yawned) and then at me. I smiled. Kurenai grabbed Hinata’s arm before she descended and whispered something to her.

“Begin,” Hayate said.

I should have been cheering for Ino by virtue of shared blood, but I actually didn’t care for the match’s outcome. Neither Ino nor Hinata had passed in the manga, so either would make an interesting finalist. “Tell me your thoughts on the match, Sakura.”

Sakura didn’t look away from Ino, who was weaving out of range of Hinata’s Gentle Fist. “Ino-pig is a ranged fighter, and Hinata is a melee fighter,” she said. “Speed is going to be a huge factor in deciding the winner. I’m not sure if Ino has any offensive ranged attacks…”

“Then Hinata’s gonna win!” Naruto said.

“You’re cheering for her?” I asked.

“Yup. She’s a little weird, but she’s pretty nice. Ino’s too violent,” he complained.

“That’s my cousin you’re talking about.”

Naruto stammered. “Er, I mean, she’s very outspoken but without, um, the things Sakura said, Hinata has the advantage.”

“So you both think Hinata will win,” I said. Naruto nodded, but Sakura stilled.

“I just...I think Ino has a better mindset,” she said.

I inclined my head. “Well, she is your friend. It makes sense to have faith in her.”

Sakura gave an undignified squawk, almost elbowing Naruto in the face in her haste to protest. “We aren’t friends! We’re rivals.”

“Those aren’t mutually exclusive terms. This guy is best friends with his rival.” I jabbed my thumb at Kakashi, who didn’t react to my pun.

“Yeah, well. Ino-pig and I aren’t like that,” Sakura huffed, folding her arms over the railing and resting her chin on them.

Ino had realized she could only dodge Hinata for so long and was resorting to spewing insults at her - rude, honestly cruel things she wouldn’t have dared to say off a battlefield. She bashed Hinata’s family, her reluctance to hurt others, how unsuited she was for the ninja lifestyle.

“Would you even be here if you weren’t a Hyuuga?” she taunted. “If your team hadn’t carried you through the first two stages? Really, you’d be doing your team a favor dropping out now!”

I grabbed Naruto before he could propel himself off the second floor in fury - it was a good thing Kiba was still unconscious. “Hinata! Don’t just take that! Kick her ass!”

Sasuke, freshly healed and clothed, shook his head as he walked up. “You’re too noisy, idiot.”

“Grr, as if you’re one to talk,” Naruto said. “You let Kiba kick you around for too long.”

Even with Naruto’s encouragement, Hinata was slowly faltering - first small things, like not advancing when she should have and paying too much attention to the gazes of the onlookers. Then her steps became hesitant, her jabs losing the precision that made them deadly. “She’s finished,” Sasuke said, merciless.

Ino finally put a safe distance between them and formed a series of hand seals. Asuma was standing two teams away, and I could still feel his smugness; as much as he complained about his team, he was like a proud mother. Hinata flared her Byakugan, but the Mind Body Switch wasn’t traceable by its chakra.

“What’s happening?” Naruto yammered when Hinata raised her hand. She forfeited, and Naruto’s eyes widened. Luckily, I still had a hold on the back of his collar. “What? Hinata would never do that!”

“You’ve never even paid attention to her before, Naruto,” Sakura said, and he had the grace to look scolded.

“It’s a clan technique,” I explained. There was probably some shroud of secrecy on how clan techniques worked, but there was also a chance one of my students might go against Ino in the third round. “Basically, Ino took over Hinata’s body. It’s a relatively slow jutsu, so just don’t let her catch you off guard with it.”

“Can _you_ do that?” Naruto demanded.

I had technically taken over someone else’s body, but I said, “Ah, no, I’m not very good at it. I prefer taijutsu anyway.”

Kakashi coughed. The next match had been announced. The two names displayed prominently on the boards were Sakura Haruno and Gaara.

I tensed enough to draw Kakashi’s concern, and he nudged me with his elbow. Sakura, a little nervous but otherwise none-the-wiser, made her way to the staircase after receiving an encouraging pat from Naruto and a glance from Sasuke. I had been willing to sacrifice Rock Lee to Gaara - and there was jolt of shame from the realization - but Sakura? This wasn’t supposed to happen. Kakashi was going to train Naruto and he would face Gaara in the finals, and we’d find some way to subdue Shukaku and Naruto would work his magic and turn Gaara into the Kazekage everyone loved.

She’d already reached the first step. Pulling away from Kakashi, I Body Flickered over and grabbed Sakura by the wrist before she could descend.

“Sensei?” she asked, confused. This wasn’t in the script

I exhaled, trying and failing to explain myself. “Forfeit, Sakura.”

Her eyes widened, and I recognized the bubbling emotions on her face. Not just surprise, but hurt and betrayal and the self-doubt that hadn’t made an appearance since that first week. “You think I’m too weak.”

“No. You’re not weak, but… This guy. He’s too strong. He’s dangerous.”

A weak line like that would have never swayed her teammates, but Sakura, always the logical one, considered it. “Sensei… If it had been Naruto or Sasuke-kun instead of me...would you have asked them to forfeit too?”

My heart almost stopped. Just my hesitation was enough to answer Sakura’s question, and she steeled herself. I couldn’t let the silence drag on longer. It wouldn’t be fair to her. I wasn’t being fair. So I did the only thing I could do when I didn’t know the right thing to say.

“No. No, I wouldn’t have.”

Sakura nodded once, definitive. “Thank you. For telling the truth.”

Then she gently pulled out of my grip and walked down the staircase, and I played the role of the dutiful sensei and rejoined my team.

Kakashi watched me right until I returned to my spot. His impassive stare was somehow more reproachful than if he’d actually looked angry. I thought he might have commented on how I’d just let her go when I knew exactly what she was up against, but all he said was, “You want them to be your children. But they’re ninja. All three of them.”

Naruto wasn’t paying us any attention, preoccupied with shouting at Sakura and scrutinizing Gaara in turn, but Sasuke studied me. “You think she’s in real danger,” he said.

“Hey, don’t look down on her, bastard,” Naruto snapped. “Sakura’s the smartest out of all of us.”

I pushed away from the wall and joined them at the railing, staring down at Sakura. Hayate signalled for the start of the battle.

She didn’t attack right away, which was fairly characteristic of Sakura. She had always been the type to test the waters first and gather as much information as she could to develop the best course of action. It was just an unfortunate stroke of luck that there was no way forward for her.

“The likelihood she’ll win,” I said, “is 0%.”

“W-what? Sensei!” Naruto started. It said something that he looked more astonished than Sakura had.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. “This guy is that strong?”

“There probably isn’t anyone here who can defeat him,” I said. “At least, among you genin.”

Slack-jawed, Naruto looked back at Sakura. His fingers drummed erratic rhythms against the railing. “I-if there’s someone who can figure out what to do, it’s Sakura.”

 _No, it’s you_ , I wanted to say. I felt immediately guilty for it.

“You just let her go,” Sasuke said. “You think she’ll learn something from losing.”

I shook my head. “If I had my way, no one would be fighting him,” I said. “But I’m only here as a teacher. I told you before. You’ll move forward with your own resolve and decision… Sakura has made hers.” Though when I’d told them that, I’d had no idea how true it would become.

Gaara had mobilized his sand, though Sakura had so far kept out of his reach. She slapped the ground, pulling up walls of dirt through the concrete. The sand broke against the barriers but rather easily maneuvered around them. Sakura twisted away from one wayward tendril of sand. In her right hand, she produced a kunai, but after failing to do any damage with it, she let it clatter to the floor.

One rope of sand snagged her around the ankle, and she flailed in the air before kicking at it with her free foot. After the initial kick did nothing, Sakura gathered some chakra to the sole of her foot like she was preparing to walk up a tree.

Kakashi straightened, taking interest for the first time. With her perfect control, Sakura had long mastered tree climbing and water walking, but this time she gathered too much chakra, the way Naruto had the first time he’d tried running up a tree. When she kicked at the sand a second time, the explosion of chakra blasted through the sand.

The propulsion also sent Sakura hurtling towards another coil of sand, but she punched this one with chakra too and bounced off. It wasn’t quite like the super-strength she’d learned in the manga; this was clumsy in comparison. Sakura wasn’t enhancing her physical abilities so much as blasting away everything in a radius with pure force. It must have been hurting her too, but it was also an application no one else had thought of.

As much as I’d tried to help her along in the beginning, I’d still ended up looking down on her. No wonder she’d felt the need to fight.

Worse even, Gaara evidently didn’t see the need to take her seriously either. Although she was escaping his sand at the moment, she’d yet to display any threatening skills to suggest the battle would be anything except an extended mouse chase. Sooner or later, Sakura would run out of stamina or make some human mistake, and Gaara would win.

That fact wasn’t lost on Sakura. She somersaulted away from another clump of sand and hit the ground running - straight towards Gaara. I couldn’t think of any logical reasoning for her to bring the fight into close quarters other than a declaration that she wouldn’t give up. It was simultaneously a “What would Naruto do?” strategy as well as an acknowledgement she didn’t have a way to win. But she wouldn’t lose without a fight.

Sakura blasted through the streams of sand that shot out to stop her, but the spherical barrier that protect Gaara was much stronger. She formed some hand seals, calling up splinters of concrete projectiles that failed to breach Gaara’s absolute defense, but she didn’t stop. Gathering her chakra in her fist, she slammed her knuckles against Gaara’s sand barrier.

For a second, the sand seemed to give under the impact, but it only surged forward, solidifying along her arm up to her elbow. Sakura beat against it helplessly with her free arm.

Gaze blank, Gaara reached out towards her, but just before making contact, he clenched his fist.

A few of the more empathetic genin had stopped watching, but Sakura’s ensuing scream jolted their eyes back to the battlefield. Gaara’s sand released her, and Sakura’s right arm slumped uselessly to her side. She was bleeding heavily from several points where her shattered bone had pierced through her skin. He hadn’t crushed her legs, but she still struggled to stand, knees knocking together.

Somehow, some grace or curse from heaven, Sakura was still conscious.

She was crying.

I gripped the railing like a lifeline.

“Sensei,” Naruto whispered, his voice thick and harsh. He was two seconds from intervening, but I hesitated. She hadn’t forfeit yet. She may not be thinking clearly. She was still in the match. When was too early? When was I being disrespectful?

With a clinical ease, Gaara batted Sakura around the field, first slamming into her with a thick pillar of sand and yanking her into the air with a curl of sand around her waist. Her combat training kicked in, and Sakura flailed into action. Her fingers grappled against her restraints, but there was only so much she could do half-blind with pain.

The sand tightened around her stomach, and we heard several of her ribs crack as Sakura choked on her own blood. Then it threw her across the room, as thoughtless as discarding an old wrapper. She hit the opposite wall with a dull thud and slid to the floor.

Hayate took a step in her direction before Sakura twitched. Impossibly, she forced an eye open. Then, one painstaking limb at a time, she propped herself up on her good arm and knees. Standing was out of the question, and the entire front of her chest was darkened with blood.

“She’ll die before she gives up,” Sasuke murmured as Hayate wavered.

“She’s not gonna die,” Naruto said. He cast another shaky glance at me, and that was the final straw.

Gaara had reached the same conclusion as Sasuke, and a wave of sand crashed towards Sakura. I was not going to let a student die on my watch, her feelings be damned. Just as I launched myself off the balcony, I faltered again. What could I do against Gaara? What could I possibly do to save her?

A second of doubt was a second less that Sakura had to live. Casting all my thoughts aside, I Body Flickered in front of her prone form, stared down the onslaught of sand, and braced myself. As it was about to hit me, I caught sight of a black blur shooting towards Gaara. The sand reversed, jetting back to the new threat in sharp spikes. One of them skewered Sasuke through the forearm, stopping his momentum right before his kunai could enter the range of Gaara’s sand barrier.

Sasuke smirked as his blood dribbled on the concrete. His eyes were as red as Kakashi’s own.

Then Gai kicked straight through Gaara’s sand spikes and disintegrating them. Kakashi appeared behind Sasuke, a steadying hand beneath his wound, and Hayate stepped between the duo. “That’s enough,” he said. “Gaara is the winner.”

The medics rushed over to Sakura, and I instinctively wanted to intercept them even though they obviously knew what to do better than I did. Kakashi sensed my apprehensions and walked over instead of returning to the balcony.

“I-I’m going with them,” I decided.

He ducked his head. “Take Sasuke. They should look him over again too.”

“Yeah…”

The med-team arranged Sakura on a stretcher and carried her off the field as Hayate announced Temari and Chouji as the next combatants. It was difficult to pay attention to everyone else’s reactions when a med-nin’s attentive hand was the only thing keeping Sakura from bleeding through the stretcher.

Sasuke was a distracting presence at my side. I took a deep breath and looked at his Sharingan.

“Congratulations.” Somehow, I managed to speak, but I winced at the word that came out. “No, that’s not what I wanted to say. I meant...thank you.”

Sasuke was looking ahead at Sakura. “You shouldn’t have jumped in,” he said.

“What?”

“She didn’t want your protection. That’s why she wouldn’t listen to you, right? She wanted to fight on her own,” Sasuke said.

“But you interfered too,” I pointed out.

“Hn. If she doesn’t want to be protected, she should get strong,” Sasuke said. “I don’t care what she wants. But you do.”

He’d been paying closer attention to me than I’d thought, or maybe I was just that easy to read. “I don’t mind if she hates me...as long as she’s alive,” I lied. Sasuke made a disrespectful noise.

The med-nin had set up their infirmary in a drab side room. They transferred Sakura from the stretcher to an operating table, drawing her long hair out of the way. It had clumped together, darkened by blood, and I wondered if they would cut it.

One of the med-nin broke away from the group to approach us. “You are her sensei?”

“That’s me.”

She spared Sasuke a glance, pausing a second to give me time to dismiss him, and when I didn’t she continued, “The bones in her right arm are completely shattered. She will live, but with our current medical jutsu, she’s going to have difficulty moving it for the rest of her life.”

I had suspected something like that. “I understand,” I said. “Would you mind looking over him too?”

The med-nin checked Sasuke’s vitals and healed the gash in his forearm absentmindedly. When she retreated again, Sasuke turned to me. “Sensei - “

Silencing him with a smile, I placed my hand on his shoulder and guided him to the door. “You should go back. It’s going to be boring here anyway.”

Sasuke wavered between digging in his heels or insisting he could walk on his own. “She can’t be a ninja like that,” he said.

“Yes, I will stay with her,” I said like he had asked a different question.

Furrowing his eyebrows, he huffed before drawing away. I walked him out anyway, closing the door to the infirmary behind us.

“Don’t tell Naruto yet.” With a quick glance back down the hallway we’d come from, I sighed. “I don’t want to distract him. Just...for a little while more.”

...

Kakashi came to collect me when all the matches were complete. During that time, Sakura hadn’t woken up once. We reentered the room as the winners lined up to draw numbers for their next match. After they collected their slips and announced their number, Ibiki revealed the matchups for the tournament.

SASUKE vs. SHINO

NEJI vs. INO

TENTEN vs. LEE

GAARA vs. TEMARI

NARUTO vs. KANKURO

With five full matches, there would be an odd number of contestants left after the first round, and the winner of the Sasuke vs. Shino match got to skip to the finals, which appeared to be a three-way free-for-all.

Interestingly, Shikamaru wasn’t in the running, but he didn’t look too battered. As I scanned the genin, my eye stopped on Gaara, who didn’t even acknowledge me. He collecting his siblings and departed as soon as the examiners dismissed the group.

Naruto jetted towards me, a fresh bruise under his left eye. “Congratulations,” I said, nodding to the crumpled number 9 in his fist. “Who did you fight?”

His lips thinned. “Some sound dude. Where’s Sakura-chan?”

“They’re transferring her to the hospital now,” I said. “She hasn’t woken.”

“Let’s go,” Naruto said.

Sasuke joined us with a punch at Naruto’s shoulder, just barely the wrong side of gentle. “What can you do right now, idiot?” he said. “You think she’d be happy looking at you like this? We need to eat, shower, and change our clothes. She’s not going anywhere.”

The odd thoughtfulness made his words more effective on Naruto than a logical response usually was. Naruto squinted at him. “Can’t tell if you’re thinking of Sakura-chan’s feelings or not,” he muttered but didn’t protest when Sasuke shepherded him away.

Kakashi appeared at my shoulder. “Are you coming?” I asked him. He saw straight through me.

“You should rest too.”

“I haven’t been in a fight,” I said.

His eye surveyed my face, cataloguing my sunken eyes and cracked lips. The soles of my shoes were stained in Sakura’s blood, and I’d pulled the seam of my sleeve open in a fit of anxiety. “Hard to tell,” Kakashi said. “Go home. Change. Eat something.”

“I’m her sensei. I need to be there.”

“Sakura will understand if you take one hour.”

I was thoroughly exhausted, despite having no excuse to be, and I didn’t protest as much as I could have. Instead I narrowed my eyes at him. “And you’ll be at the hospital too? In an hour? On time?”

Kakashi didn’t answer and gave me a hard shove toward the door. Surprised, I stumbled over my own feet - a fatal blow to any lingering protests I might have had. I hadn’t tripped since I’d started training as a ninja; it was kind of a job requirement to always be aware of where your limbs were.

“Fine, fine,” I muttered. “I’ll see you then.”


	11. Ise Lets Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ise visits Sakura in the hospital, casually ignores sexism in the Naruto universe, and loses the respect of the readers.

Sakura had not woken up, but I was told it was a medically-induced sleep to help with pain and not due to her injuries. I slumped in a chair in the corner of her hospital room. Sunlight streamed through the adjacent window, surrounding me in hazy warmth. I almost fell asleep before I sensed Kakashi’s presence. Seconds later, he slid the window open and slipped in, looking neither surprised nor impressed to find me already there.

“I said take an hour, not thirty minutes.”

Resisting the urge to rub my eyes, I sat up. “I changed. And ate.” A few grapes, sure, but I really wasn’t hungry. Just thinking about eating something more substantial turned my stomach.

Kakashi stared for about twenty seconds before deciding he wasn’t my mother. Shutting the window before a breeze could blow in, he took up a position on the opposite side of the room near the door, casually reclining against the wall. We didn’t speak until Naruto and Sasuke burst into the room.

The med-nin had tried to wash the blood out of Sakura’s hair, but they couldn’t get rid of the sickly discoloration. She was dressed in a hospital gown instead of that ruined wine-red dress, her skin ashen against the white sheets of the bed. With the covers drawn to her chin, her bandaged arm wasn’t visible, but the knowledge of it loomed an indefinable weight over the room.

Naruto let out a strangled cry in the back of his throat when he saw her, and even Sasuke froze, uncertain, in the doorway.

“They’ll kick you out if you wake her,” Kakashi said, startling both of them.

“Sensei.” Naruto’s voice wavered even as he looked away from Sakura. “How is she?”

I almost said she would be fine, but I didn’t know that. “She is not in danger, but...the bones in her right arm are completely destroyed. With our current level of medicine, no one here has the ability to fix her.”

“Can she still - ?” Naruto broke off when Sasuke elbowed him in the back.

“Could you continue fighting with only one arm?” he whispered.

 _Yes._ I saw the instinctive answer in both of their faces. Neither of them would let an injury tear them from their dreams, but...at the same time, they knew. Choosing to continue as a ninja was one thing, but actually succeeding - surviving - was a different story.

Naruto gingerly brushed aside the blanket and took Sakura’s left hand, cradling it in his. Eyes wet, he laid his forehead against her knuckles, shoulders hunched like a supplicant in prayer. “Sensei,” he said again. “That guy… I’m going to fight him.”

“Yes.” If Naruto won his first match against Kankuro, I had no doubt he’d be fighting Gaara - Temari would almost certainly forfeit. Worse still, without a proper first match, Gaara would be freshly rested.

“I’m going to win,” Naruto said, each word heavy on his tongue. “I’m going to get...revenge. For Sakura.” Instead of shouting his resolution to the world, Naruto was oddly subdued, almost queasy.

He sounded like Sasuke. Not in the angsty or elitist way, but in the manner of someone who was as angry as he was terrified. The manner of someone with something precious to protect. Someone who knew no one else could fight this battle for him.

And that was the truth. As soon as the thought entered my head, Kakashi guessed what I was intending. He widened his eye, the nonchalant facade disappearing.

“I need to get stronger,” Naruto continued. It physically pained him to admit he wasn’t strong enough now, but all of us remembered how mercilessly Gaara had cut Sakura down without taking a single step.

“There is a way,” I said slowly. “Do you...remember that fight with Orochimaru? When the snake bit you.”

“Only a little. It was like, a lot of chakra suddenly came out and I got super strong.” Naruto straightened. “Is that how I can beat him?”

“Mhm. That was...the Kyuubi’s chakra,” I said. “Because you have the Kyuubi inside of you. That makes you the only person who can beat Gaara, who has the Ichibi inside of him.”

Sasuke folded his arms, doing his best to follow along. I didn’t remember whether he knew about Naruto and the Kyuubi beforehand, but I guess he did now. “The Ichibi… What is that?”

“You know about the Kyuubi that attacked Konoha years ago,” I said. “Along with the Nine Tailed Fox, there are eight other tailed beasts. They are monsters with incredibly powerful chakra. The Ichibi is sealed within Gaara.”

“So you want Naruto to harness the Kyuubi’s power in order to match this Ichibi,” Sasuke said.

“That is...one possibility,” I said.

“Ise,” Kakashi warned.

“The problem is there are not many people alive who can teach you how to use that power, Naruto. I certainly can’t. There are a few Konoha nin who could block off the Kyuubi’s power, but take it for yourself?” I could barely believe I was about to suggest this, but...if Naruto would be fighting Gaara instead of Sasuke, neither Kakashi nor I were well-equipped to help him. I didn’t want to sit back and watch the same thing happen to Naruto.

If he wanted to learn, I could hardly let my own reservations stand in his way.

“One of the village elders recently approached me,” I began. “His name is Danzo Shimura. He offered to teach you to use the Kyuubi’s power. I didn’t give him an answer at the time. I want to let you decide for yourself.”

“Naruto,” Kakashi cut in, “Danzo is not a good man. He represents the worst of shinobi, those who would bloody their hands for their own gain. It won’t be anything like the training we’ve done up to now.”

“Will he make me strong enough to defeat Gaara?” Naruto asked

Sasuke huffed. “Single-minded as always.”

“Yes,” I said.

Naruto nodded. “Let me do it.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “This is… I don’t like Danzo, and I don’t trust him. Whatever he’s going to do to you… You might come back a different person.”

Somewhere, Naruto found the strength to smile. “Yeah. I don’t want to stay where I am. I want to keep moving forward.”

“Don’t compromise your morals to get stronger.”

“I know. Sensei. Please trust me.”

“Let me go too,” Sasuke said, eyebrows furrowed. He looked put out at being excluded; I may have thought he was being self-centered, or perhaps refixating on his own goals of revenge, if not for a quick glance at Naruto out of the corner of his eye. He was concerned. Naruto’s straightforward disposition was so ill-suited for the shadows.

But where I could do nothing for Naruto, Sasuke’s case was different. “No,” I told him. “You’ve awoken your Sharingan, and the best person to teach you is Kakashi.”

Sasuke scowled. “Why’s that?”

Before either Kakashi or I could answer, a med-nin knocked on the door. “Excuse me,” she said, peeking in. “Sakura-san’s parents are here. We don’t want too many guests at once or it may disturb the patient.”

“We understand,” Kakashi said. “We were just leaving.”

Naruto looked reluctant to leave Sakura’s side, but he didn’t have much of a choice as the rest of us filed out of the room. We passed the Harunos, a pink-haired man and a blonde-woman with two of the weirdest hairstyles I’d seen to date. Unfortunately, the solemnity of the situation prevented me from finding any amusement in their appearances. As Kakashi led Naruto and Sasuke away, I stopped.

“Good afternoon. I’m Sakura’s jounin-sensei, Ise Yamanaka,” I said, shaking both of their hands in turn.

“Nice to meet you, Yamanaka-san,” Sakura’s father said, a sad smile pulling at his lips. “I am Kizashi, and this is my wife, Mebuki. We’ve heard a lot about you.”

Mebuki Haruno’s grip was firmer than her husband’s, but her fingers were cold and her composed expression couldn’t hide the stress lines around her eyes and mouth. “It is unfortunate we finally get to meet this way,” she said.

They entered Sakura’s room and I caught up to my team right outside the hospital.

“How are you going to preach teamwork for months and then separate us?” Sasuke demanded as soon as he saw me.

“Calm down, Sasuke, you’re not going to fall behind. I have an important mission for you too,” I said, accurately guessing the real reason he was upset. Glowering, he shut his mouth. “I said there was no one with the medical expertise to help Sakura _in this village_ , but there is someone who can.”

“What?” Naruto exclaimed.

“Her name is Tsunade Senju, and she’s the greatest med-nin Konoha has ever produced. We have one month before the third round of the Exams. You, Kakashi, and I will be hunting her down,” I said. “Teamwork doesn’t mean staying together all the time. It means keeping your allies in your mind even when you’re separate. All of us have to do our part. Understand?”

“You better find her, bastard,” Naruto said, bumping his shoulder against Sasuke’s.

“Yeah, yeah,” Sasuke muttered.

After summarizing what each of us would be doing over the next month, I let both of them go home. Kakashi hovered behind me, contributing nothing except his silent disapproval. When we were alone, I finally forced myself to face him.

“I’m sorry.” His expression flattened. “I know what he is...the son of the Fourth Hokage. Your teacher. And I’m sorry.”

“Stop that. If you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done it,” Kakashi said.

“I think letting him decide was the best thing I could do,” I corrected. “I am sorry that it hurt you.”

Kakashi sighed. “It isn’t me you should concern yourself with. It’s fine. It’s already done.”

...

After clearing the mission with the Hokage, we went home. I didn’t actually remember when or where Naruto had found Tsunade in the manga, but she was a rather recognizable figure. It turned out the Sandaime did try to keep tabs on his students, even after they’d left the village, and he gave me a list of the places Tsunade had been spotted recently. He wished me luck, a faint half-smile on his lips as he waved me off.

I found a blank-faced Ino on my doorstep. She had showered, her long blonde hair out of its usual ponytail while it was drying, and hadn’t bothered putting makeup on to hide the dark circles and tear tracks under her eyes. Upon seeing me, Ino’s expression didn’t change, but she stood up. “Is...Sakura all right?” she asked, hoarse.

“You didn’t go to see her?” Even though I kept any judgment out of my voice, Ino glanced to the side and rubbed at a bruise on the side of her elbow.

“We aren’t friends… She wouldn’t want me to visit,” Ino said.

I stepped past her to unlock the door. “Ino, trust me. She would want you to visit. Both of you care deeply about each other.”

“Can I sleep over?” she blurted out in a hurry. I stilled, my hand resting on the doorknob.

“Did you ask your parents?” I asked, feeling a bit silly. She was old enough to put her life on the line; she was certainly old enough to stay out for one night.

Ino shrugged, a poor attempt at nonchalance. “They’ll just figure I’m at Chouji’s or Shikamaru’s. Asuma-sensei wanted to take us all out after the Chuunin Exams, but I didn’t want to go. He and my parents, I know all they’ll want to talk about is me getting into the finals but… I didn’t want it to happen this way.”

“Well,” I said, opening the door, “you’re welcome here if you want.”

I wasn’t prepared to entertain guests, but I cobbled together a fried rice out of some rice, eggs, and soy sauce. Ino wasn’t in the mood to converse, settling on my couch and clutching one of my throw pillows to her chest as she stared at the team photograph I had framed on my wall. Back when I had been withholding proper instruction, I’d had a lot more sway with Naruto and Sasuke, threatening to only teach Sakura if they didn’t stop scowling at each other. When they didn’t stop trying to poke each other behind Sakura’s back, I’d forced them to hold hands, and both their smiles were strained from trying to crush each other’s hands.

Yesterday, I’d purchased a bottle of shochu to cope with the waiting, and the bottle was still mostly full. On Earth, there had been this big “if you’re old enough to die fighting for your country, you’re old enough to drink” movement, but twelve was probably pushing it. Tea would have to be enough.

“Sorry, it’s not much,” I said as I set the table.

Ino shook her head, padding over from the couch. “No, I’m sorry for intruding. Thanks for the food.”

Initially, she took mechanical bites, consumed in her own grief, but after a few minutes, Ino seemed to realize how hungry she was. The fried rice disappeared much quicker after that.

“She’ll be fine, you know,” I said. “Sasuke and I are leaving to find a medic who can help her.”

“Sasuke-kun is?” Ino said, her surprise overriding the sadness. “...I see. He jumped in to save her this afternoon too. Agh!”

She suddenly yelled, and I almost dropped my chopsticks.

“Looks like I lost there too…”

“Oh, yeah, you were rivals over Sasuke first,” I said. It was really easy to assume they were rivals by the sole virtue of being girls, but that was probably pretty sexist. “Does that make you upset?”

Sasuke cared enough about Sakura to awaken his Sharingan over her, but I still doubted he intended anything romantic. I didn’t say that to Ino though; I was curious about her answer.

“...it was easy to fight over him,” she admitted. “He never looked at either of us, so we were equal… But now it seems like I can’t beat Sakura at anything. Not over Sasuke, and not as a ninja.”

“That’s not what most people would say,” I said. “You’re going to be in the finals, and she lost her preliminary match by the greatest margin.” I didn’t need to have watched the matches to know that.

“Then if I had been matched with Sakura, and we fought,” Ino posed, “who do you think would have won?”

I was not as ill-equipped to answer that question as Ino had intended, but then again, my Sakura was not the Sakura in the manga. Whether she was better or worse, though…

Ino didn’t wait for me to answer. “If I had been Sakura, I would have forfeit. And if I hadn’t forfeit, I wouldn’t have kept fighting once it was apparent I couldn’t win.”

“I mean, it’s good to know when to retreat,” I said. “Thinking rationally and conserving your strength are key elements chuunin need to possess.”

“Stop trying to comfort me!” Ino snapped. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

I closed my mouth. After a moment, Ino squeezed her eyes shut, tears leaking out at the corners.

“Hey,” I said softly, “I know. I was just being an asshole.”

Ino made a ragged noise that no one would mistaken for a laugh. “Sakura’s such a brainiac, I thought for sure she’d figure out it was better to give up. But she didn’t. You know why, don’t you?”

I remembered the gentle look in Sakura’s eyes, the _Thank you for telling the truth_ , the exact moment she stopped seeing me as a teacher. “She just wanted to be stronger,” I said. “She wasn’t thinking about the exam, or her opponent, or her own well being. She recognized the only way to grow was to move forward, so she did.”

“Yes,” Ino said. “And I’m still watching her back…”

Having the words out in the open instead of trapped inside her head lifted a huge weight off of Ino’s shoulders. Her mouth settled into a grim line.

“That may not be entirely true,” I said. Ino’s eyes snapped open, ready to fight me, but I silenced her with a hand. “Listen, O.K.? Sakura was looking forward - at her teammates, at the kunoichi she wanted to become, at _you_. In your fight against Hinata, she knew you would win. All this time, she was trying to catch up to you too.”

Ino stared at her empty bowl. Her cup of tea had long gone cold. “I want to be her friend again,” she said.

“Yeah. That’s a good idea.” Standing up, I deposited my dishes into the sink and ran water over them so the residue wouldn’t harden. Then I retrieved a box of tissues for Ino.

“Thank you,” she said and blew her nose. “You know, talking to you isn’t like talking to a boy at all.”

“I will still get mad even if you’re crying,” I told her, though I had no intention of following through.

“That’s not what I meant! It’s just I wouldn’t have been able to say anything to Asuma-sensei or Shikamaru and Chouji. They’d just tell me I was doing good and overthinking everything,” Ino said.

“They just care a lot about you,” I protested. “It doesn’t really have anything to do with being a boy.”

“Like every boy in earshot doesn’t roll their eyes every time I _dare talk_ about something that isn’t training or fighting,” Ino said. “I have a crush, but I’m not blind.”

I had to admit that maybe I could think of a few boys who did that.

“Well, I’m glad to hear you know you can always talk to me,” I said, neatly sidestepping the problem. She gave me a look like she knew exactly what I was doing, but I busied myself rearranging a couch pillow. The dishes could definitely wait for tomorrow - or whenever I returned from the mission...in a month…

I probably needed to do them now.

“You can’t sleep in that, can you?” I grabbed a dish and gestured to Ino’s outfit with my chin. “Go see if any of my clothes, uh, aren’t...terribly big on you.”

“You’re not that tall,” she told me and darted off.

“Just for that, you can sleep on the couch tonight!” I yelled after her without any heat. The house came with two bedrooms; the spare one had probably been my childhood room, though my stuff had migrated out after my parents’ deaths. If I still had any old clothes of my mother’s, they would have fit Ino better (neither of my parents had been particularly tall, damn them), but other Ise had already done away with them.

Elbows deep in soap suds, I was unprepared for a knock on my door, though given the events of the day I shouldn’t have been.

“Ah, Danzo-sama,” I said. “I was expecting you.”

That was an obvious lie, and one that got called out immediately as Ino wandered back into the main room. “Ise?”

She caught sight of my guest and froze, looking much younger dwarfed in one of my black robes. The hems of her sleeves fell a few inches past her fingertips, and neckline dipped low enough to expose her undershirt. In what I hoped was a discreet movement, I gestured for her to stay out of sight.

“I, um, toothbrush?” she squeaked.

“Bathroom cabinet, lower left,” I said, moving out of the doorway to casually shield Ino from Danzo’s view. I didn’t recall whether he shared Orochimaru’s child-snatching fascination but I wasn’t going to tempt him. “Apologies, Danzo-sama, please don’t mind my cousin.”

With no small amount of grace, Danzo accepted my excuses without comment. I wasn’t sure why, though, because I doubted we’d been subtle.

“I hear you’ve given my offer the proper consideration,” he said. Of course he had eyes and ears all over the village, but it was still disturbing how quickly he could act. I led Danzo over to the table, where he took a seat, but I dried my hands on a dishrag before sitting across from him.

“I’ve decided to let you train Naruto, but only under certain conditions,” I said.

He didn’t look at all surprised, bowing his head to indicate he was listening. There were not many conditions I could come up with to completely mitigate the fact that I was handing him the greatest biological weapon in the village, but I had done my best.

“First off, no weird seals. You don’t tamper with the Kyuubi’s seal, and you don’t put any of your weird seals on him - including the Root one,” I said, ticking the points off on my fingers. Danzo tapped his pinky on bottom of his cup but otherwise didn’t react to the fact I knew what Root was. I’d been under the assumption the organization had been a secret but maybe not. “Second, he will report to you at 9 A.M. every day. He will be released at 5 P.M. every evening. You and your associates will not interact with him outside of those hours. Third, this arrangement will last one month. During that month, I am still his jounin sensei. I reserve the right to terminate the arrangement at any point.”

I stopped to breathe. I had thought about pushing for supervision, but Danzo might object and I didn’t want to give any ground. Regardless, I had every intention of having Miguma - if not also one of Kakashi’s dogs - stay in Naruto’s apartment for the whole month for insurance, and I didn’t want to tip Danzo off.

He cleared his throat and leaned forward, placing his forearm in front of him. A small voice in my head wondered how he would react if I told him to take his elbows off the dinner table. “It seems you and I are cut from the same cloth,” he said. “Cautious and logical. Very good.”

Given the nature of the comparison, his flattery landed a bit off-center, and I stifled my shudder. I had a sudden urge to take a shower after Danzo left, but it was the dead of the night, and even if the bathhouses were still open, my hair took hours to dry.

“You, uh, you’ll agree?” I said, then winced. Way to stay on the offensive, Ise.

“There should be no issue with your _terms_ ,” Danzo said, “but not everyone is as sensible as you are. I will agree to all of the above, and neither of us will mention this to Hiruzen. He would willfully deprive the jinchuuriki of his own power.”

Going behind the Hokage’s back sounded sketchy, but I also wasn’t sure how I could explain my decision either. Still, the fact that Danzo was suggesting it probably meant it was important. If he did anything suspicious, I’d go straight to the Hokage.

I knew Danzo would put little stock in the terms of the agreement as well.

“Should we, uh, shake on it?” I said.

Danzo slowly offered his hand, and I regretted bringing the topic up. There were definitely ways to secretly kill someone with a handshake, right? I’d read about poisoned rings before. Nothing Danzo was wearing looked out-of-place, but to be safe, I reached out for his chakra and memorized the feel of it, dark and controlled. There was - something slippery overlaying it, like grease in water swirling away, and vaguely familiar. Admittedly, I may have been imagining how sinister he felt, given my predispositions. He didn’t seem to be using any kind of jutsu, so I shook his hand and fought through my grimace.

At the very least, Danzo had a firm handshake. His palm was riddled with scars and callouses that suggested he hadn’t built his empire behind a desk.

“Well, it’s late, and I have an early morning,” I announced brightly. Both of us ignored that we were ninja who were more than accustomed to operating without sleep at all.

“Of course. I would hate to inconvenience you,” Danzo said, equally blithe. He stood up. “I am glad we have reached an understanding.”

“Yes, me too.” I saw him to the door, but Ino didn’t reemerge until I had closed it firmly behind him.

“That was, uh, that was…” Ino started.

“One of the village elders, yes,” I said. “Do me a favor. Don’t mention that to your dad.” The last thing I needed was another mind probe or interrogation. Never mind that I was now apparently on scheming terms with two _Naruto_ antagonists and they were probably justified in worrying.

“You want me to keep a secret from my father,” Ino repeated.

“Not a secret. God, that makes it sound sketchy.” It was definitely sketchy. “Hey, let’s talk about Sasuke some more.”

Ino snorted loudly, then looked astonished at herself for making such an ugly sound. After a second, she burst into giggles. “You’re awful.”

“That sure is a mean thing to say about someone cheering you up,” I said, moving away from the door. I all but collapsed on the sofa and was unprepared for Ino planting her butt right on my stomach. “Oof!”

As I groaned and complained - way more than necessary, of course - Ino rolled her eyes. “I’m not that heavy, you poop.”

“Are you - “ I cut myself off before I could finish, remembering that yes, she was twelve, and said, “a child?” instead. Ino jabbed me in the chest with her pointer finger, and I was proud I didn’t even flinch. She pulled her hand back to finger the lining of her robe (my robe? I owned it, but she wore it).

“Do you like anyone, Ise?”

“Er...like or like-like?” I asked. Ino rolled her eyes. I poked her in the thigh. “Wellllll, Asuma’s pretty hot, isn’t he - “

Ino cut me off with a horrified shriek. “No! Absolutely not!” She twisted around so she could glare at me better with the added benefit of kneeing me in the side.

“Gah! Just kidding! Ugh, O.K., we’re sitting normally now.” As I sat up, Ino graciously wiggled off of me and over to the other side of the sofa, where she clutched at a throw pillow.

“Please be joking,” she wheedled.

“Yeah, yeah, he’s a taken man anyway,” I said.

Ino huffed. “You’re hopeless, Ise.”

“I know better than to give you ammunition or blackmail.”

“I was just - well, I guess it doesn’t matter.” Ino yawned. “Are you leaving early tomorrow?”

“Mhm... We only have a month before the tournament, so we need to go as soon as possible. I’ll probably leave before you get up,” I said.

“Did you tell Sakura?”

I paused. She hadn’t been awake during our visit, and I didn’t know how long the medics were going to keep her under. Still, I didn’t want her to find out where we’d gone from someone else. “I’ll… I dunno, I’ll write her a note.”

Ino shook her head, but stayed silent.

“Hey. Look after her for me, O.K.?”

As much as the trip was for Sakura’s sake, I couldn’t help but feel it was also unfair to her. I had had difficulty watching her fight, but the aftermath - I wouldn’t even be there for her during the worst part.

Ino gave me a small smile and patted the back of my hand. “Leave it to me, and...don’t lose faith in her. Not now.”


End file.
